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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you scold a 8mo?

32 replies

sharond101 · 12/01/2013 22:05

DS loves pulling my hair (so hard it snaps off), scratching my face and stealing the clean nappy Iam about to put on him. I have started telling him "No" in a slightly raised voice,and removing his hands from where they should not be, but DH thinks Iam wrong to do this when DS is so young. Do you tell off your LO when they are so little?

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LynetteScavo · 12/01/2013 22:08

A firm "No" to hurting.

Stealing the nappy I would just ignore learn not to leave in his reach.

poocatcherchampion · 12/01/2013 22:09

No I don't. I just remove the hair from the fist or her nails from the inside of my mouh. She doesn't know what she's doing she's only exploring.

SparkleSoiree · 12/01/2013 22:14

Another for just removing the hand from wherever it is. Usually when I was in conversation with someone!

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piprabbit · 12/01/2013 22:15

They don't really need scolding at that age - it's not like they are being naughty or deliberately hurting or annoying you.

If you can recognise potential situations which are going to cause a problem, change how you act before the problem crops up. Put the nappy out of reach, wear your hair tied back etc.

Yika · 12/01/2013 22:16

I think it's fine to say 'no' just as you are doing, as long as you don't expect him to understand at this stage. Otherwise, when do you start? At 12.6 months? At 2.1 years? When do you know exactly at what point he will get it? At some point he will start to understand. To me it is logical to gently but firmly deter him already now, just as you talk to him now without expecting him to understand what you are are saying.

RuchedCurtain · 12/01/2013 22:17

At that age it's distract and avoid situations that provoke the behaviour. You've got many years of saying no - she won't have a clue what's going on at the moment. As she gets a bit older, I used to show the DDs what would be better, ir gently take their hands and stroke my cheek instead of them scratching and say, "that's nice, thank you".

LilQueenie · 12/01/2013 22:17

no at that age they are babies and dont really know right from wrong. You kind of have to suck it up.

ZooAnimals · 13/01/2013 06:48

I think a firm 'no' and move the hand away is fine. He pronably doesn't understand 'No' at this age, but tbh they don't understand anything you say to them at that age, I'm pretty sure the advice it to still talk to them! As Yika says you don't at exactly what age they will start to understand and I'd bet that the ones who hear it early on understand a lot quicker then the ones who don't (that goes for everything, not just 'no').

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 06:54

It's a bit pointless saying a firm no to an 8 no old. If there's anger in your raised voice too all you will do is scare her.
Distract, and avoid at this age all the way.

ZooAnimals · 13/01/2013 15:09

I don't think firm means an angry or raised voice tbh.

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 15:13

No not always but op says she slightly raises her voice

ZooAnimals · 13/01/2013 15:15

So probably should have read 'It's a bit pointless raising your voice to an 8 month old.....' and not 'It's a bit pointless saying a firm no to an 8 no old'?

A firm tone and a raised voice is not the same thing.

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 15:17

Well,no not really, I think both are pointless

Onlyconnect · 13/01/2013 15:19

I don't think it's too young to be firm at all. A firm no, looking in the eyes is fine and makes the point. Yes, she's only exploring but she needs to knw that sort of exploring is not on in my view. If you wait till she's older you will have go do more than a frm no and it will be harder.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 13/01/2013 15:19

An 8mo wont remember not to do.something. They will see hair and want to pull it. Just remove it from their hands or tie your hair back.

Stealing the nappy is hardly misbehaving now is it.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/01/2013 15:22

DD 9mo grabs my hair painfully, and glasses (as well as everything else, these are the only things that cause me real inconvenience). I say no in a conversational way, remove her hand, don't laugh and try to distract her as quicky as possible, seeking to avoid her getting the idea it's a game, which is her usual response to my seeking to get anything from her / her detached from anything e.g. spoons.

I don't think she can know it's wrong, so the tactics are all about distraction and avoidance of habit formation.

We get scratching too, the only solution is to keep her nails trimmed.

ZooAnimals · 13/01/2013 15:33

Out of interest, those advising not to bother with 'no' as they won't understand, do you use this advice generally i.e. they don't understand anything really, so do you not speak to them at all?

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 15:36

Yes zoo I don't bother talking to my kids

The question was scolding, firm and raised voice. I haven't done that myself, I have said no gently, but like I've already said, distract and avoid is what I did with mine at this age.

midastouch · 13/01/2013 15:38

its just a baby thing they grow out of my ds did it and either laughed or creied when i told him no! dd i just say no and remove hair from hands and keep nails short

ZooAnimals · 13/01/2013 15:39

tbf Alien you weren't one of the posters who said 'don't say no because he doesn't understand what no means'.

happyfrogger · 13/01/2013 15:42

I reserve 'no' for when it is really needed - having said that, I rarely use it tbh. I saw another post on this recently where someone had a great response with advice I now follow - try to be more descriptive about why you want to discourage the behaviour.

When my 9mo pulls my hair I remove her hand and say 'ow, poor mummy, shall we be gentle? mummy likes it when you are gentle' and then maybe stroke my face with her hand or something nice.

If she lunges to grab my coffee, I'll say 'That's hot, it will burn you, let's move it away'.

I think at this age they are, as another poster says, just exploring and no is probably not a commonplace word because they are not being 'naughty'. I'd be cautious of 'no' becoming a fun attention seeking game!

BertieBotts · 13/01/2013 15:44

I don't think the No is necessary at this age either, although it doesn't do any harm, well, unless you're really shouting it to make her cry or something!

"Stealing" the nappy isn't naughty, I presume most of the time when you hold things near her, it's because you're giving them to her, so how is she to know? I would just take the nappy away and give her something else to hold. Or even give her a clean nappy to hold, she probably just wants to know what it is.

BertieBotts · 13/01/2013 15:52

Happyfrogger I think that approach is great, although for 8 months perhaps a little wordy - I'd stick to very short, very simple commands, like "Ouch" [make hurt face] and then "Gentle" while showing her a gentle movement. (Stroking not fantastic to encourage babies to do though, because they find it hard to judge the right strength to use and often hit, scratch or pinch/grab when they're intending to stroke)

With a hot drink I'd say "Ouch, hot." Drinks I'd move away in case they spilled but (IMO) there's nothing wrong with letting DC touch something moderately hot like a radiator - depends how hot the radiators are in your house but if DS went to touch ours, I knew they wouldn't burn him and so I just said "Hot" and he understood what it meant. After that if I said a drink was "hot" he'd not even try to touch it. Obviously if there's a risk of them getting hurt like if he was cruising and went to use the radiator as a prop to pull himself up then I moved him away.

The key is always backing up your words/instructions with an action so that they come to understand what you mean. "No" comes into it's own a bit later when they're really starting to explore, crawling etc, but it is always better to be descriptive if you can.

OmgATalkingOnion · 13/01/2013 15:54

I'd look a bit stern/sad and say no. That's about all you can do at 8mths.

No scolding or shouting though. It wouldn't really mean anything and it's not done to be unkind. I think babies do pick up a lot on facial expressions though so if it hurts look a bit sad about it.

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 16:20

Yes omg facial expressions are still going a long way in my house and my youngest is18 months!

It's the fastest, easiest way to make yourself understood.

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