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Original poster

I am soooooooooooooo angry...

34 replies

maddiebean · 19/04/2006 09:37

DD has just pooed her pants AGAIN. She's fine with wees (3 weeks into potty training) but will poo her pants, not tell you and then deny it. It's driving me mad (and making me want to hurl...) Don't worry, before you tell me off (!), I haven't told her I'm cross, I've just (through gritted teeth, admittedly, told her it's made me a bit sad that she has pooed in her pants instead of her potty) but in reality I am spitting tacks I'm so mad. What can I do???? I've caught her straining a couple of times and managed to put her on the potty where she has pooed fine but I can't watch her every second (I have 14 month old ds too). ARGH!!! I know I've posted on a similar theme before but I'm getting desperate! She does't poo at the same time each day so I can't get her to sit on the potty then. I remember someone saying that after a while they had just laid down the law with their child saying no cbeebies until he or she pooed in the potty but I think it may be too early for that. What do you think? Thanks girls.

Maddie
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Bozza · 19/04/2006 09:39

How old is she?

Wembley · 19/04/2006 09:46

My friend has just been through exactly this with her daughter. The advice she was given by her HV was don't acknowledge the incident at all. Just change her, don't talk to her while you are doing it. The idea being that she is getting no attention for it. After weeks of desparation my friend gave it a go and it worked although she admits it was difficult as she was sooooo cross and found it hard not to explode sometimes!!

throckenholt · 19/04/2006 09:48

bribery ? Give a reward whenever she does it in the potty/loo - something immediate and small (like a jelly baby, or a chocolate button, os some favourite toy).

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secur · 19/04/2006 10:01

I have heard this too, "apparently" the most effective route to potty training is complete boredom - no matter what they do.

If you react then the child has control of you - even if you only react to good stuff they realise that they can make you happy by doing what you want - or chose not to make you happy by not doing it!

therefore you are supposed to pretty much ignore them whatever they do so if it is in the pants just clean it up - no eye contact or speech at all and if it is in the potty say oh thats nice dear in a monotone and thats it!

theory goes that if you take away the fact that it allows them to control you then they will realise that actually it is nicer to be clean and decide to do it because they want to IYSWIM

HTH! Smile

rosycheek · 19/04/2006 10:02

My dd is exactly the same. Was dry within a few days. Is now 3 and will still poo her pants on a regular basis. With her we sussed it was for attention (have 14mth old ds). Tried to not give any reaction when she did it but was very hard sometimes when I could tell she was doing it deliberately (she would always use the potty when dh was with her!). Is slowly improving now, I think main reason is her bottom has got so sore with the constant poos that it now hurts too much to do it in her pants. Am giving lots of praise when she uses the loo now though so hopefully we will have a breakthrough!

alex8 · 19/04/2006 11:26

I could have written this thread. I am 2 weeks into it and he has done a few poos in the toilet. (Not keen on the potty at all). Am getting really fed up too. Will try the not reaction thing again, did that to start with.

cod · 19/04/2006 11:34

alex are you slinking off here to rant?

Grin
Original poster
maddiebean · 19/04/2006 12:15

I know what you mean about trying not to react...it's just soooooooooooo hard. I would like to reward her if she does a poo and the only times I've caught her in time we (me and dh who was around at the time) went crazy big cuddles, stickers etc but now I can't reward because I never catch her. BUT having said all that, maybe ignoring her and just being silent when changing her etc might work, I just don't know. I'm not sure she's doing it for attention as she doesn't even tell me she has done it...hmmmm. This is tricky. Oh and she is 2yrs 10 months. I just don't want this to go on and on (I'm just imagining it on holiday, at friend's houses, at the shops etc etc :-(. Sorry to moan!

Maddie
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OP posts:
foxinsocks · 19/04/2006 12:27

are you sure she's not frightened of pooing on the loo? is it just a case of her not getting there in time?

I only ask because my ds didn't want to do poos on the loo and this went on for MONTHS. It took AGES for him to want to sit on the loo and poo - he used to hide in the corner and do it in his pants! It's a very common problem normally triggered by having a very painful or large bowel movement.

Original poster
maddiebean · 19/04/2006 15:59

Foxinsocks, I have wondered about that but she has done a couple of poos in the potty when I've caught her straining for one, they were quite big but she was very pleased with herself when she had done them so I don't think she's frightened. Having said that, who knows with toddlers! She loves to look at pictures of bugs and butterflies etc but when dh found a ladybird in the house the other day and showed it to her on his finger she went absolutely barmy, crying and scared!

Maddie
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Original poster
maddiebean · 19/04/2006 16:01

oh and it's not a case of not getting there in time (just re-read your post!)because she is making no effort to get to the potty, she will just happily stand and poo in her pants Sad

OP posts:
brimfull · 19/04/2006 16:17

I had this problem with ds.I had to get dh to deal with it as I was getting too wound up.

We ended up bribing him with chocolate and it worked.

alex8 · 04/05/2006 19:12

maddiebean, have you had a breakthough yet? My son is still doing it. he did started telling us (after the event) but today he has denied it twice.

blueteddy · 04/05/2006 19:39

Sympathies. My DS2 is still pooing his pants 3 months after starting the toilet training nightmare. I can count the number of poos that have made it to the potty/toilet on one hand & am very aware of how stressful it is! No great advice I am afraid - but wanted to let you know that you are not alone here!

alex8 · 05/05/2006 09:04

it is nice to know, thanks. I keep reading a current thread about some boys doing at 4, 5 and 6 and that is freaking me out somewhat!

alittlebitshy · 09/05/2006 18:07

sigh. yup, i'm here too.
she just poos in pants, and is now not even telling me straight away, i found it squashed in pants today. ick.

i think i'm going to try the boredom thing. I am ashamed to admit but i am getting actively cross about it (she knows it) but she also laughs a bit, so... grr.

anyone still suffering?

had first wee accident in the whole time (since easter) since she's been dry, yesterday. hope the fuss over poo is not making her stressed and rebel or regress on wees. grr.

Original poster
maddiebean · 09/05/2006 21:51

Hi girls

You may have noticed me posting on another recent thread (can't remember which one now) but if you didn't then the answer to the query about success yet is a BIG FAT NO! DD is still pooing her pants like a trooper Sad Basically nothing has changed, she still won't tell me she's done it. Today she did a big hard poo (and wet herself for good measure) I changed her clothes and ten minutes later she did a big squishy one which required another change (top and bottom, don't ask....) then to add insult to injury just when I've cleaned up dd, ds does a big stinker in his nappySadGrin

The last few days she's also had lots of weeing accidents (I'm not sure why) but apart from the one with the poo she's been 'dry' today so that's something I suppose!

How about everyone else, any breakthroughs yet? I'm still ignoring poos and just changing dd but it doesn't seem to be working, I'm thinking of the 'adult throwing a tantrum tactic' next,like that advert for vicks sinex, what do you think?!! Grin It's still driving me mad.

Maddie
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Original poster
maddiebean · 09/05/2006 21:55

Oh, and alex8 I am so with you on the freaking out, I'm do NOT want to be doing this for the next 3/4 years....eeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maddie
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OP posts:
sparklemagic · 09/05/2006 22:19

I think a child who poos in their pants is telling you they are not ready to be potty trained!

Why not leave it a few weeks or months?

ninaar · 09/05/2006 22:34

Not much advice, actually looking for one. dd1 like your ones, was dry very quickly. She's been dry at night as well and hasn't been wearing a nappy for about 2 weeks. However, there is a HUGE problem with the pooing. She has done it in her nappy a few times since potty trainig has started. She used to use the nappy in the mornings before i took it off. That is one of the reasons why i stopped the nappies altogether. Anyway, she hates pooing in her nappy and hasn't done it for a week, but she's sooooooo upset doing it in the toilet as well. She tells me she needs to poo, but it will only come out with her in absolute tears. I gathered that she's afraid but not sure what to do about it. Hope there's a break through for all of us soon.

Original poster
maddiebean · 10/05/2006 08:35

Morning all

Sparklemagic - I think if I went back to nappies now because of the poos it would be a waste of all the 6 weeks of wees in the potty, all the praise, stickers etc etc, dd loves wearing her big girl pants so I think putting her back in nappies would be quite upsetting. I think the poo problem is quite common even with children who are otherwise ready and/or doing well with potty training otherwise.

So girls, what do you make of this.... This morning dd was playing (still wearing bedtime nappy) and she said to me (unprompted) "I don't need a poo" - last time she said this she had done one, so I took her to the toilet which she wasn't thrilled about but she sat on it and did about 4 bottom burps but no poo. I might be being over optimistic but do you think she was feeling the sensation of needing a poo (or wind in this case!) in which case I'm even more baffled as to why she keeps doing it in her pants! Good grief!

maddie
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OP posts:
alex8 · 10/05/2006 08:46

Sparklemagic I did think of that but he hates nappies now and even took one off in bed the other night. And I am a bit excited at the moment as he took him off to the toilet for a poo. Obviously he didn't do one but hopefully its a start. But it does seem very commmon.

sparklemagic · 10/05/2006 10:21

Well, if it seems wrong to 'go back' and do nappies, I don't know of an answer to this other than to carry on through it, put up with it, vent on here when you need to; and remember it is highly, highly unlikely to go on for many more months....

My DS always seemed very regular, wanted a poo in the morning before 9ish - is it worth trying really set, regular mealtimes for a while in the hopes this might bring on a poo at roughly the same time each day? Dunno. Just a thought.

melsy · 10/05/2006 10:39

just syaing hello and joining the fightpoo poo club , Im also gggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr with it and finding it hard to keep patient, being a very tired preggy mummy. Its driving me nusto to , so BIG BIG sympathies maddie.
I say "were do we do poo" , she says "in loo", so I say "shall we try", I take her and get a rigid body and screaming "I dont like too", really drives me mad. So many pooey knickers thrown now, and she knows when she needs to go, now holding it in for nappy till 6am. And Im there with you andthe gagging , my morning sickness has come back a little and its not good.

Twinkie1 · 10/05/2006 10:43

I think nearly 3 is early enough to ban cbeebies - they soon will relaise that all they have to do is have a poo where they are supposed to to get it back - it certainly worked with DD!!

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