Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone chosen to stop at just one child?

40 replies

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 13:17

I always thought I would want at least two kids, but now that dd is 21 months and growing out of babyhood I'm increasingly enjoying the fact that she's getting more independant and I'm beginning to wonder if I really want to do the whole baby thing again.

For financial reasons I have to work full time and this was so hard when she was tiny (not much better now tbh). If we stop at just the one I can cut my hours when she goes to school and spend more time with her.
I like the fact that we don't have to cart so much stuff around now everywhere we go.
I fed her in so many horrid smelly rooms when out and about when she was breastfed and don't really relish the thought of doing that again.
I love my dd to bits and I'm not sorry she came along at all, I'm just not sure if I want to do it again.
Anyone else found this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

chocolateshoes · 13/04/2006 13:23

Me (but for different reasons)! Although DS is only 9 months so it might be a bit early to say. I feel as if my life is so perfect (wonderfuil DP & DS) that it would be such a risk to change things. I feel as if I have won the lottery - why would I be greedy and ask for more?

Original poster

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 14:24

Thanks chocolateshoes - I can relate to what you say. We have a good relationship balance between dh, dd and I so why disturb it?

Anyone else? I'd really be interested to know peoples ideas on this.

OP posts:

rumtumtigger · 13/04/2006 14:26

there are lots of old threads on this subject if you have a search TC

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

CountessDracula · 13/04/2006 14:28

except the archive search is off!

shellybelly · 13/04/2006 14:28

I'm different as I want to have loads well at least 2 or 3, dh hasn't got a big family whereas i have but I want dd to have a brother or sister and I know its awful but i when me and dh aren't here i want her to have siblings iyswim

Original poster

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 14:44

I thought of that shellybelly and I admit that that's one of the reasons I originally wanted a larger family. DD has no cousins and isn't likely to get some any time soon, and my dh is an only child. However he does have me and dd so he won't be on his own in later life.

OP posts:

anniemac · 13/04/2006 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 15:18

The childcare issue is a big one. I got in such a state when I had to leave dd at six months that within 4 months I went off sick with stress and depression. I really don't want to go through that again.

OP posts:

anniemac · 13/04/2006 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 15:34

The more I think about it, the more I realise that this is the issue. We have discussed having another but there's no way we can afford it until dd goes to school because of childcare costs. The longer I leave it though, the harder it will be to go through the baby stage again, and I'll end up with another 5 years of having to work full time.

Sigh.

OP posts:

jabberwocky · 13/04/2006 15:59

I keep \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=67&threadid=89525\this} on my watch list.

Original poster

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 16:27

Thanks for that link jw, have just spent the last 1/2 hour reading it and it's great

OP posts:

jabberwocky · 13/04/2006 16:28

Yes, it is just lovely.

Filyjonk · 13/04/2006 16:41

I have one 2 1/2 and on 9 months. I love both and could not imagine life without them, tbh but must admit that life is hectic and I often feel that I'm shortchanging the older one, espcially as the baby is very demanding.

Its not just that you'll have to do the baby stage again, but also that you'll have to do it with a toddler in tow.

Have to admit that I don't really like the baby stage at all and feel I'm missing out on ds's toddler stage! And its physically exhausting.

I love it-just. And would do it again. But-only just! Working full time would probably have pushed me over into not doing it again, if that makes sense.

hulababy · 13/04/2006 16:46

WE have now. DD is just turned 4yo. We originally was only having the one. Changed our mond when she was 2yo and TTC for 18 months. Was at point of going for testing (DD had taken 3 years of TTC). Then decided to call it quits formany reasons and to be happy with what we have and be settled. We could start making plans againa nd not living month to month. I am now happy with my decision and it is fine for us. It has changed some of our plans for DD and we are happy with those.

There was no financial decision here. I went PT after having DD and we could easily afford to have a second child. We have a large enough house. There are good state schools here - we would find it more challenging to send two to private, DD is going as an only child and decisin was made AFTER stoppping TTC.

The main deicion was for us as a family to decide to move on and it took us a long time to come to that decision.

DD is not lonely. She has loads of friends from a wide circle. She is forever socialising (better than me and DH!!!) with them. We have a reasonable large family. There are to be children in the family too soon. She will never be left entirely on her own.

I still have the odd pang. I hate the odd snide or even unintentional comment that it isn't fair on DD. Rubbish IMO! But decision is made and that's that.

hulababy · 13/04/2006 16:48

Also I think there are now so many more only children that this is no longer such a big thing anymore. We were at a party last weekend. Of the 10 or so families there, almost half were only children with no intention of more.

gscrym · 13/04/2006 17:21

I stopped at 1 because I only ever wanted 1. Get lots of grief from blokes at work saying he'll be lonely on his own. Also I'm being selfish for not wanting to go through preg and birth again. At that point I usually offer a hard kick in the knackers.

Oblomov · 13/04/2006 17:34

Not sure I have actually 'chosen' to stop at one.
Great link to the other thread.

chocolateshoes · 13/04/2006 20:07

Thanks Jabberwocky for posting the link to that thread - have just enjoyed reading it very much.

jabberwocky · 13/04/2006 20:48

You're very welcome. I think it is one of MN's better threads.

Dior · 13/04/2006 20:56

I only have one. It was hard at first, as I had always planned two. Dh was totally against another one as ds was a very hard baby. Now, I sometimes get broody, but on the whole I am kind of glad. Ds would probably benefit from a sibling, but has always had lots of friends to play with. Going back to nappies and sleepless nights would be a very big con on my list!

kickassangel · 13/04/2006 22:01

subject still up for discussion, i would love another baby (dh would tolerate one) but NEVER want to be pregnant again, which probably means no 2nd child! also, couldn't cope with full time work & 2 children, so huge financial implications, plus approx. £10k on IVF, so probably no, but somehow don't feel quite like a real family yet

lizziemun · 13/04/2006 23:53

Been thinking this myself have dd who is 2.3 years have been ttc for the last 18mths took 15 months for dd. We would both like 1 more if possible, but now thinking its just not going to happen

Clary · 14/04/2006 00:17

Hula that's horrible that anyone is snidey to you about having just DD.
How could anyone who has met have anything bad to say? She's just fab.
I just want to say that I really respect yr decision, I know it was not arrived at lightly but that it is the best for you and as you say, now you can move on. More power to you!
Cannot bear people who tell others how many children they should have.

Original poster

tangerinecath · 14/04/2006 09:27

Thanks for your responses.

People can be so judgemental can't they? Everyone's reasons for the size of their family is different, it's no-one else's place to judge .

DD has a very active social life outside nursery with loads of little friends her age. Feel's like we're constantly shelling out for birthday presents during June and July when all the birthdays are! I was originally concerned that she might be lonely as an only child but that's not the case at all.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2