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Original poster

Anyone chosen to stop at just one child?

40 replies

tangerinecath · 13/04/2006 13:17

I always thought I would want at least two kids, but now that dd is 21 months and growing out of babyhood I'm increasingly enjoying the fact that she's getting more independant and I'm beginning to wonder if I really want to do the whole baby thing again.

For financial reasons I have to work full time and this was so hard when she was tiny (not much better now tbh). If we stop at just the one I can cut my hours when she goes to school and spend more time with her.
I like the fact that we don't have to cart so much stuff around now everywhere we go.
I fed her in so many horrid smelly rooms when out and about when she was breastfed and don't really relish the thought of doing that again.
I love my dd to bits and I'm not sorry she came along at all, I'm just not sure if I want to do it again.
Anyone else found this?

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paddingtonbear1 · 16/04/2006 22:41

we are still discussing it, dh is very keen on having another but I'm not so keen! Can't afford it until dd is in school (childcare costs again) and then I'll be getting near 40, and not sure I want to do it all again. I don't work full time at the moment but I might have to work more hours to afford a 2nd child. Not sure what to do at the mo!

hulababy · 16/04/2006 22:44

Thanks Clary - we kind of like her too :) I am learning to ignore the comments, and now it has been a good 6 montnths since making the decisin, I find the ignoring easier than it was. I am lucky enough to have one DD, whom we love dearly.

jamese · 17/04/2006 09:54

Have the same dilema. We have 1 DD (2.4) and love having her. Am really worried that having another would ruin the balance etc. Also I really don't want to be pregnant again...

Not sure I could manage with 2, but DD is really good so maybe just being silly.

She doesn't sleep throught the night much so another reason not to..

Also we don't get any help as all grandparents have passed away.

On the other hand.. My DD is brilliant, love having her with me (SAHM) who is to say that another one wouldn't make things even better...

Also worried about her being on jher own when we are old (hopefully very old). Having looked after my mum and dad at various points, I always had my brothers for - although not practical support much at least there to discuss issues with.

I guess I am letting nature takes it course. It took us 7 years to have DD (again letting nature do its thing). Something in me says that if I am happy to let nature takes it course, which means I could get pregnant at any time, does this mean that I really do want another one, or am I just being silly again......

I had better make a decision soon as we are getting on a bit (me 38 and DH 44) and it would even harder..

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CorrieDale · 17/04/2006 17:02

DS is 10 mo and will be a one and only. Lots of reasons really, primary being that I had three m/cs before he came along and I knew even before I had him that I couldn't cope with another m/c. Not sure now that I could cope with another baby! DS is perfect in every way apart from sleep and I think I'm probably too old and knackered to go through all this again!!!! Have decided not to let things take their course and was fitted with a coil when DS was just 3 mo.

I do worry about when he's older - DH is a only child and doesn't miss what he never had, but I have a sister and although she drives me bonkers, it's nice to have somebody around who's known you for ever.

GDG · 17/04/2006 17:13

Wasn't it reported recently that the average number of children couples have is now 1.3? So only children are clearly not that unusual. I don't know many though.

flobbleflobble · 17/04/2006 17:31

Jabberwocky - I am so pleased you liked the thread I started in praise of only children!

flobbleflobble · 17/04/2006 17:33

There are lots of mothers of one in dd's school. They are normally the ones with the best social lives too!

doobydoo · 17/04/2006 17:53

flobbleflobble..what an excellent thread.
I loved some of your comments they really made me laugh.
Where we are in Ireland if you don't have at least 5 you are seen as rather odd.

elvisjules · 17/04/2006 18:34

I am so happy with 1 but also find we get so much pressure from everyone around us, some of whom do not even have 1 child!! Whenever I catch up with friends etc the first question is 'so when is DD getting a brother or sister?' it drives us insane! I know friends etc mean no harm but DD has even taken to asking for a brother or sister which is making us feel very guilty..

kickassangel · 17/04/2006 20:00

so, if you have definitely decided for only one, shat do you SAY when people ask, tell you about number 2?

even friends & family who know all the IVF story STILL tell me it 'kick starts' your system & I could have another! none of them have offered me the £10 k for baby 2, so shy do they keep asking? also, none of them have offered to be a surrogate, even though they know i had an awful pregnancy, they tell me it will be better 2nd time round! it does feel like there's a lot of pressure, and it's not like i have much choice anyway!

Furball · 17/04/2006 20:43

Well I've been told that Dh and I are cruel for only having DS. Charming! Dh and I decided to stop at 1 and whats it got to do with anyone else?

kickassangel · 17/04/2006 23:22

so what do you say back?
i often invite them to contribute to the cost of ivf, which is when i get told that magic will happen! it's just some people seem to think we ought to have another, and forget all the misery i went through first time round. one guy told me i should 'dig deep' to overcome morning sickness. i told him if it had been any worse my baby would have died, how deep should i dig to keep going?

kickassangel · 17/04/2006 23:23

unfortunately, i would love another, just really don't think it's possible. dd was a miracle.

Miaou · 18/04/2006 07:16

As a mother of three (and hopefully four eventually) this thread has made very interesting reading (as did flobbleflobble's thread). I truly believe that there is no "right" number of children (unlike some - cruel to have only one???wtf??), only "right" for your own personal circumstances. And for those of you who had no choice but to stop at one - same as those who can't have children at all - how sad that people make these thoughtless comments!

Oblomov · 18/04/2006 07:44

It seems - and I hope that I have got this right - and not offend anyone - but it seems as though the main reason, - on this particular thread only - why people only have one child, is the conception.
Others only ever wanted one child- e.g. gscrym.
Some wanted more, but have since decided against it- e.g. me.

Many people had trouble conceiving their first, thus are truley grateful for their existence. Some of these posters have unfortunately been 'forced ' to accept that their child may be an only child.
If you decide, then that is hard enough, but if you are forced, then that is actually not your choice, which I can only assume, make it even harder.

Dh and I both wanted 2 children. As a diabetic, I had a horrendous pregnancy.
I want to have another child.
Dh is not so sure.
My situation is not dissimilar to kissassangel.
But, I am assuming that I could conceive, thus the choice is still there for us.

For some people there is no choice.
And my sympathies lie with them.

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