What do you think of this article - "permissive parenting"?

[emkaren]

I came across this article this article today and I was wondering what you wise Mumsnetters thought about this. I used to be a teacher in secondary school and I did often think that some of the teenagers were quite 'toxic' - much more rude and lacking respect than I remember my peers to have been! But I find the author's ideas about the roots of the problem quite questionable. My parenting style is mostly what you would call attachment parenting - co-sleeping, I breastfed dd1 until she self-weaned at 27 months, I never did controlled crying or anything like that - but I wouldn't say that this was 'permissive' parenting, and I seriously hope that the way I bring dd1 and dd2 up will have the opposite effect to what the author of the article thinks! Dd1 is now 31 months old, and while she has tantrums etc. she is altogether quite 'good' and cooperative. Have I just been lucky that she has turned out that way so far in spite of my 'wrong' parenting ways? By the way, I am emphatically NOT saying that only attachment parenting will give you a 'good' child - not at all, it's just the way that feels right to me, but I don't mean to criticize people who do controlled crying or whatever!!! Oh, and the other thing in the article that made me think was what he wrote about toilet training - dd1 isn't trained yet and I have been thinking that I'll just wait till she shows that she's ready - is that really such a laughable idea?
Anyway, I'd be interested to know what other people thought of the article!

I think that children who are constantly yelled at and hit and stopped from doing anything and controlled very strictly tend to turn out very badly indeed. Whenever there has been an awful case of a young person turning out to do a terrible thing, they have normally been subject to very strict discipline and control in the past (way beyond anything anyone is advocating here BTW). The Bulger case boys were both hit a lot, one, I believe, with an iron bar. Repressive, aggressive parenting and inconsistent parenting seems to make for angry, impulsive, difficult children far more than loving parenting. As Pie says, this is how children are brought up all over the world and in some of the most peaceful societies in the world. Personally, I do encourage my son to speak nicely to people and be kind, but I'm not rushing him into potty training and am very relaxed about most things and he's just perfect .

bk, she does

Sorry, read that post and it does all sound a bit "my dd is fab". She's completely normaland I'm really sorry if recent posts sound superior/boastful. I really don't think 30 mins is a long time to be sat down at the table though. Maybe she's just an exceptionally slow eater and that prob. helps!

Thanks Dinosaur. I'm completely stressed out at the mo and thought it quite possible my posts were a bit snippy.

marialuisa where are you from then? I used to love the way meals lasted ages and were such a social thing in Greece.
As for the other issues raised, i think the key thing is a healthy balance of love and rules, kids will be naughty and push but at the end of the day, boundaries make them feel safe and secure.

I'm a bit of a mongrel! My dad is half Mallorquin, half italian. my mum is half Welsh, half second generation Italian-Welsh. Despite all this, I have blonde hair and blue eyes!!

Extended family is even weirder with everything from Israeli to Indian amongst aunties and uncles.

Now that is what you call "multi-cultural"