Sigh. Please stop trying to "fix" my daughter.

[Jennyrosity]

I'm just getting a bit tired of all the well-meaning people who only seem to see negatives in my 9 month old DD. Yes, she's a terrible sleeper (and no, I'm not going to do controlled crying, but that is not intended as a judgement on the fact that you did, I just don't want to), and yes, she's "still" breastfed, although I'm not sure at this age why there is an emphasis on "still", and no, she will not eat purees, but as she eats practically everything else I don't see that as a problem; and yes, she can be hard work at times, but all babies can be, and she's also a lively, funny, happy little soul and I wouldn't change her for the world, lack-of-sleep notwithstanding, so please, please, stop treating her as a problem to be solved!

I honestly don't think I'm being holier-than-though, I certainly don't mean to be. My parenting philosophy, such as it is, goes as follows:

1. Bloody hell this is hard work, therefore:
2. Anything a parent wants to do to get them and child through it, short of anything actually harmful, is absolutely fine with me.

I don't judge, why would I, all the babies are happy, healthy little people - the only I've ever so much as raised an eyebrow is at the mum who changes her DD's clothes about 3 times an hour, and then only because I can't imagine how she's keeping up with the washing.

But there are a few individuals who seem determined to show me the error of my ways, I don't know why. I think DD and I are doing ok - not brilliantly, we're still learning, but ok.

OP, your daughter sounds EXACTLY like mine. She's 18mo, still lousy at sleeping and still breastfeeding. Sod em.

Purée's don't necessarily need to come from a pouch, maybe that's why your dd doesn't like them if you have only tried her on Ella's!!! Besides I don't think it needs to be one or the the other, I did a combination of homemade purée and finger foods and it worked a treat for my dd!
Oh and I fed her until she was two, I got a few raised eyebrows from a few of the woman in my group but it didn't bother my real friends. Bothered my patents though!

• BF fed her until two....

Nah not a stealth boast. Parenting is so contentious that if you do things your own way people get v prickly about it.

Purée is bollocks. Follow in milk is bollocks. Enforced sleep comes undone all the time. All better

But I have tried her with home-made purees, she doesn't like them either. She's not very keen on being spoon-fed generally, she'll take a few spoonfuls of soup or fromage frais and that's i...and now I'm justifying myself online the same way I do IRL. FFS.

Honestly, no one is judging you for not giving your child purees!!!!

So why, whenever I meet other mums for lunch, do they repeatedly try to thrust Ella's-bloody-Kitchen pouches onto me? Why do I keep being asked "are you sure she's getting enough to eat? Most of that went on the floor"? Why have two different women on separate occasions actually the food I've just given DD off her and broken it up into smaller pieces because "I think that's a bit much for her, don't you?" - er, no. Actually all you've done is break it into pieces that are exactly the right size for her to choke on.

It's not even as though DD's a scrawny little thing who looks like she needs feeding up, she's one of the bigger babies in the group.

It's not just the food thing, it's everything. Their insistence that I "must" do controlled crying to get her to sleep through. That I must get her into a strict routine when I shrug in response to "when's her next nap/feed?" The shocked response to my admitting I haven't read any baby books, as somehow that should disqualify me from motherhood.

Sigh. I suspect it's just the area I live in. We're moving in the new year, maybe I'll meet more kindred spirits then.

My theory is they are worried about what they are doing with their own child, and bullying you into doing the same would confirm they are right. So I read it as insecurity and try to be kind to them. And ignore the unsolicited advice, obviously.

Well, personally I think the reason she isn't sleeping through is because you have no routine but you're quite happy with that, so your choice. I don't mean that to sound so snipey, I am just a passionate believer in routines!! But that's because it suits me and my family.

I also took your OP to be a bit of a stealth boast - and it annoyed me even though our DDs are the same age and I'm still breastfeeding, yada yada yada. Insecure people are always going to judge other people's methods if they differ from their own. Just be confident that what you're doing is right for you and your family and to hell with what I or anyone else thinks.

Yes, you do sound snipey - thank you so much for diagnosing my daughter's sleep issues without having even met her, does the field of paediatrics know what a talent it's missing in you? - and you clearly think that your way is the only right way, and if only I'd do it your way all my problems would be solved, so thanks for demonstrating the very attitude I'm complaining about.

Yes, i had this with all my dc, both bf, one a fantastic sleeper, the other a party babyx, always awake and always smiling and ready to party:) one liked purée the other wouldn't touch my loveingly prepared mush and ate lumpy food straight, and I bf up to 2 years and over. I don't think anyone meant to be particularly judgey - even mil- but I did learn to smile and say yes, mmm, ill think about it, anyway, how was your day? there are so many ways aren't there? I think people worry about their choices , like me, who had no sleep really but didn't do controlled crying, but did wonder if i should but didn't. A supportive dh helped:) plus I am guess I am a old mum, so have developed a thick skin over the years:)

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you and that probably was a bit arsey. I take that bit back - truly. And who knows, perhaps the world of paediatrics is missing something in me (joke!). But what I'm saying is don't let it bother you what other people say. Especially not a silly mare like me.

I have learnt to be quite blunt with people OP you may have to depending on how rude they get.

You're quite right, FantasticMax, and I'm sorry for the sarcastic response. I need to toughen up. She's happy and healthy, that's all that matters.

Good point, LavenderHoney, I will try not to engage in future!

you do sound a bit... stressed. this stuff is just normal human interaction, most people shrug it off.

I just get sick of hearing it, and needed to vent.

That's okay . I deserved it, I think.

You are right though, it IS annoying when people question what you're doing, or offer unwanted advice. But I think that mostly people are trying to help, but just going about it in the wrong way. Good luck in dealing with it in the future!

Sounds to me like you are worrying too much about what others think! If you baby is happier on finger foods than purées, so what? Just do what works for you! Are you BF at night still?

My dd slept much better at 11.5 months when I stopped feeding her in the night, no CC required! We went to a sleep clinic and they adviced that I stopped BF her in the night and stroked her tummy instead through the cot bars and said "shhhhhh, sleepy time now" until she settled and then left the room. Amazingly it worked that very night and we had a lot less night wakings after that!

They are probably only suggesting these things as they themselves have found them useful. I did CC and it was a revelation - literally overnight success. So I am always keen to recommend it (not because I'm judging you but just to help if your complaining about being knackered).

I actually find locally that people are more judgy pants the other way - CC/FF/puréed food.

Each to there own, shrug it off and don't get offended by well meaning advice.

i don't actually think you did deserve that response, fantasticmax, tbh. not that it's a big massive deal or anything, just some sharp words on the internet, but you should stop apologising i think. Jenny is venting, and she did so at you.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo - thanks! No big deal as you say, but I wanted to apologise as she seemed upset and it wasn't my intention to do that. Anyway, she has apologised for her response so all is well.