Does anyone have a 'highly strung' child? How do you deal with them?

[spottybag]

My 4yo DD has always been 'high maintenance' she was one of those babies who could never fall asleep on her own, was never happy unless she was being held of breastfed.

Now at four she is very highly strung. She gets worked up and hysterical over all sorts of things and is very, very difficult to deal with.

She only turned 4 in August and started reception last month so obv has had a lot of big changes. She also gets VERY tired and has to be in bed by 6 and even then still gets overtired getting up at 7.

Last night we had a friend over for tea - a friend she's had since pre school so very familiar. He's not keen on dogs so I had put our dog away in an upstairs bedroom. She asked to go upstairs and I said they could play upstairs but ONLY in her room and not to go in any other room in the house.

They reappeared at the bottom of the stairs about 10 mins later, both in tears, with the dog in tow. Her poor little friend was really brave but obviously upset as you would be when confronted with one of your fears just popping out from behind a door when not expecting it. Anyway, lesson learned for me - get a lock on the door, and I feel terrible for upsetting her friend

But - her friend cheered up after a few minutes and got on with it while DD sat and sobbed and was hysterical for, honestly, about an hour. With us trying to distract her etc, get her to snap out of it. I was annoyed as she'd not done as she was told but I also felt that I couldn't really tell her off much as she was hysterical already. I know she was tired last night and I don't think we'll be having any more after school visits for a while.

How do you deal with this kind of behaviour? Help!

I have one of these, she's been like itfrom day one. I found the book everyone is mentioning very helpful. It's an inherited trait which she inherited from me

This makes me understand her, but I do find it hard to parent

Aaah Poppyboo I recognise the not seeing cues. Isn't thatone of the characteristics of these kids? That their cues are hard to recognise?

mydsis the same age and whilst i dont think he is highlystrung he is exhausted since starting Reception (was only 4 middle of august). He's never been a good sleeper but now hes at school he just gets over tired and as a result cant sleep, we cant get him to bed earlier as he then wakes up at 5ish and is even worse that next day!
Are you in england cos they dont legally have to be at school full time until the term they ar 5 in. We are contemplating and discussing with the school whether letting him have a few 1/2 days will bw beneficial for him and help the tiredness.
A friend of mine who's dd needed lots of sleep used to (in the first term of Reception) bring her home for lunch on 1or2 days a week and let her have a sleep then take her back for the afternoon if there was time.
It might be worth discussing this with the school especially if she's sleeping 13 hrs a night and is still exhausted.

Thanks so much for all of these replies, I have read them all and am processing and working on using all of them!

She loves school so far. but she does get upset when I leave and says she misses me. I miss her LOADS so it's really hard to be really bright and upbeat and to kind of not tell her that I miss her, but I do make a point of being very bright and breezy about the whole thing. Anyway, DH took her to school one day and my Mum another day and there were no tears when they left her.

I thought the coffee and a cake suggestion was great and told her today we could go out and do something together just the two of us. Obviously she shunned Costa Coffee and chose soft play instead Anyway. We had a lovely time together and spent a lot of time building her confidence on the big slides and some of the climbing equipment. I sent her to bed at 5.30 tonight and we didn't have any silliness, she went to bed really happy

So I think, as well as managing her tiredness, I need to also make sure I'm getting some quality time in with her (which is hard in the week as her 2yo sister is always around, but doable at weekends).

I would love it if she could come home for an afternoon nap, but unfortunately she won't nap in the day and hasn't since before she turned 2. I will have to carry on with the early nights, but bring them really early if I think she needs it/

Poppyboo - I really recognise the role playing school with teddies as something DD does!

Glad you found some support. Shocking the way some people attack on here,

orangesandlemons I feel so much guilt but it can't be undone, I can only go forward and know she is getting calories she needs now. Feel so bad she's been hungry in past :(

I had no clue cues being hard to recognise being a feature with this type sensitive child, it makes me a feel a bit better. Thank you.

Spotty bag, I think together will really,really help.

Together time I meant!

Spottybag, also have a secret signal for her for when you leave her at school. Tell her when I squeeze your hand three times I means: I.Love.You
My reception child calls it her 'special squeeze' when we say good buy. They like having a secret 'signal' only the two of you share. I read it in a book years ago and it really helps.

Sorry about typos I'm on my iPad and it keeps changing stuff.
I really can spell! Ha ha!

poppyboo - I love the signal idea. Thanks so much, I'm going to use it tomorrow.

I have a DD just like yours OP and she also started in reception in September.

She is very independent and a lot of her frustration stems from this because she loves to do everything herself and when she's unable to do something that's when she goes into meltdown.

She is stubborn and hates to be told "no" so again we get tantrums because of this.

As a baby she wouldn't nap in the day until she was 9mths old and would scream if she couldn't see me, I had to carry her around everywhere with me.

It's exhausting and I'm not at all ashamed to say that I have shed many tears over her behaviour and even asked for professional help because I just didn't know how to cope.

A parent support worker came to see us at my request and said that when DD went into an uncontrollable rage to gently put her into her room, not as punishment but to give me and DD both time to calm down, she said to leave her there until she stopped raging and then go to her give her a hug and say

"I know you were very angry and you've been very clever to calm down and mummy is really proud of you" and then say "would you like to tell mummy what made you so angry"

Speaking to her like this sounds really patronising but by doing this every time she gets angry it's slowly working and it's so much better than me getting angry back and shouting at her.

I hope you find a way to cope OP, it's tough and I totally sympathize.