Attachment parenting

[Cherubs]

Are there any others on mn?
I have been looking into the benefits of ap and co-sleeping recently and it seems to make alot of sense although hes now sleeping at odd times and for shorter periods.
I don't practice ap all the time as ds1 still needs the buggy board, but when we are going out I carry him 50% of the time and at home its pretty much all the time.
I was wondering other ap'ers what carriers do you use?
What benefits do you see by carrying?
Has anyone ap'd with one child but not with others? And did you notice a difference?

Didn't go the whole hog, but ds2 leaned more towards AP. I used the huggababy sling mainly- it's easy. But my back can't stand the strain, so I didn't use it for that long. He co-slept a lot (still does) and it seemed to suit him (not dh though- we often al end up swopping beds in the middle of the night.

He's 2 now. (well will be in a couple of weeks). he's a happy little soul. His elder brother is autistic so can't really compare- they're both pretty laid back in thier own ways so I'm not sure its altered his basic personality - beneath the autism ds1 is very like ds2. It suited us.

I think it wil be hard for me to compare too as ds1 and 2 are complete opposites.
Ds2 is such a happy baby anyway. It does make me wonder whether ds1 's behaviour/personality would have been different if we had ap'd with him. Oh the guilts setting in.
I didn't know anything about this until a few weeks ago so only have a basic baby carrier which is supposed to fit babies up to 9 months but ds2 is only 3 and a half months and its very snug. Hes not a big baby either.
I've ordered the ergo carrier but I won't be able to use it until ds2 is sitting up. I wa slooking at the hug a bub but I have heard that the baby facing front position is bad for their backs so it put me off that one.
Do you think that co-sleeping affected the length of time that ds2 slept?
Cherubs aka Bekki

I would be classed as an APer I think, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, kangaroo care etc

I use the Wilkinet with both my children. I will tend to pick up my baby (as I did with DD1) when she cries, I don't have a baby swing etc to rock her. I like the closeness and letting my baby know I'm there (though I do realise parents can do this in all sorts of different ways)

Its just the way I was brought up and what I saw all around me and so I guess it just suits my temperament. DD1 (she is 4) is a very sensitive vocal generally happy little girl, prone to continual displays of affection which can get a bit much when she is hanging of your leg.

Arr thats soo cute dinosaur.
Is the huggababy different to the hug a bub?

Oh its you Bekki!!!

Is there any other reason DS2 is sleeping less, I remember recently you thought he might be teething?

That could be it. It seems to be taking along time to see this mysterious tooth. I can't remember it taking this long with ds1.

The wilkinet is very comfortable for carying for alonger periods. used it with ds1 when we were out and about. it is a pain to put on though as you really need a surface to lie the carrier and baby on.

ds1 always slept better than ds2 Cherubs. As a baby- now he is a bit of a nightmare and will be awake for hours in the night (I dread him waking up as he will usually be up for 3 hours- doesn't want to come into our bed to sleep though- only very occasionally when ill, otherwise mch prefers his own bed). DS2 is a much lighter sleeper and prefers to sleep with us, or at least in a room with us. He goes to bed in his own room and own bed but often spends half the night in with me.

I ap'd with dd. Didn't really with ds as I didn't know it existed, and also he was such a happy, contented little thing. He was always picked up and cuddled when he cried though, and held lots and fed on demand etc.

Dd I never really used a carrier. I had a mothercare standard type of one but didn't really get on with it very well. She was just carried really.

I think a lot of it is personality. Ds was a contented babe, dd wasn't. Despite co-sleeping (still, she'll be 3 in april and still spends half the night in my bed), carrying, bf, etc, she is nothing like as calm and contented as ds was. She is very touchy and easily frustrated, cries at the slightest thing....she's obviously very sensitive. Ds is too, but in a different way. Which reminds me...I must go and post on the sleep thread, see if anyone has any ideas for sorting dd out...

From different forums that I have seen co-sleeping causes babies and children to wake more often than those in their own cots but I'm sure it must be psychologically benefical for them even if its not for us.

TBH I'm not sure. DS2 still wakes far more often than his brother at his age, even though he's in his bed. I think that may be a myth bandied about by the "in thier own bed brigade".

To be honest I do think it comes down to personality. DS1 has always been happy to play in his cot and its always been a safe place for him. DS2 has always preferred company to make him feel safe iyswim. Also with ds1 controlled crying worked very easily. He'd cry for 5 minutes, 10 at the most then be asleep. DS2 will scream for an hour and a half and poo himself in the process. Not at all practical if screaming for an hour an a half wakes his autistic brother who then has school or nursery the next day, and who will then go through a phase of waking for hours every night (one disturbed night tends to lead onto many). It's been much easier to bring him into bed. I was pleased to find out about AP as it just gave a name for the sort of stuff we were doing anyway.

Thats exactly how it is with us.
I didn't know about ap until recently and I put it down as a new age fad. But on closer inspection I realised that I was doing it without knowing.
I think I may be going to buy another sling an Ella roo. My dh won't be impressed.

message withdrawn

WE haven't really done the other stuff but we did (and still do) co-sleep. DD is now 20 months and has co-slept on and off since birth. Betwteen 6 and 16 weeks she slept in her own cot all night every night, since then it has been starting in her bed (goes to sleep on her own) but cming into our bed in the early hours. This has suited both me and DH. TBH it is DH who usually gives in to her!

I would say that for us DD sleeps better in our bed than her own, and so do we. And she is very loving to everyone and adores her "cuddies".

dinosaur - I think, so long as you follow the "rules" you are fine. That is no co-sleeping after having a few drinks or if you smoke, not putting baby on a pillow or under the duvet, not if you have taken medication, baby still to sleep on back (for cot death), etc.

I would really like to talk to others about attached parenting. I was going to start a thread but then discovered this one.. so thought I would add on.
I discovered the term ap after our now 4.5 mth dd was born. Although it was not how I was raised it seemed to fit with how we wanted to raise our child.

If anyone is keen on having a discussion about what attached parenting is, what they found worked or did not work - I would love to chat!

I am particulary interested if anyone had a routine while attach parenting and also how they found trying the whole experience of teaching (or not) baby to go to sleep not on the breast.

Hi Papillion

Dh was breastfed until he was 4 and coslept until he went to boarding school at 11. I was bottlefed and still feel guilty today if I go in to my dms room to get something as we were never allowed in my parents room, ever. I don't get on with mil and thought that her feeding dh until 4 was strange.
When ds was born I wanted to bf but wasnt too bothered and was quite ready to give up at the first hurdle (mvs in hospital giving bottle) even though we have lots of allergies, asthma, excema etc in the family. I sent dh back to hospital in the middle of the night to get some preprepared bottles as i was struggling to feed but he bumped into a consultant there he vaguely knew who told him we should persevere. I was horrified when dh came home empty handed but I then spoke to a bfc who was brill and had not problems after that. Ended up feeding ds until he was 4 too.
We didnt plan on cosleeping either, just fell into it after ds got a cold when he was a few days old and then we just carried it on. It worked really well for us and i never had to get up off the bed.
As for the sling, DH saw a Huggababy type sling advertised in a mag and liked the natural look of it and to begin with I didnt like it but dh used it and then I started to. DS then lived in it for over 2 years as well as a back carrier. We use this same sling for dd now.
I felt when ds was 6 months old that I was the only person in the world still bf at this age until I started to go to Le leche meetings and there were loads of other women there with slings and breastfeeding. They were really supportive and it suited me.
I'd never heard of attachment parenting until after we did all of these things and I dont go along with everything and certainly havent added to what I was doing anyway. I went to work when ds was 3 and will go back soon again.
The one thing I wish I could have changed was weaning ds at 4 months, if I'd have known the WHO recommendations at that time I would certainly have waited as I am with dd.
I couldnt have parented this way if dh hadnt been involved and 100% supportive.
Personally a lot of the more western ideas about parenting dont suit us eg putting babies in cots in seperate rooms asap but I appreciate everyone has different ideas.

Sort of fell into ap (bf, baby wearing, co-sleeping etc.), although I didn't even know the term existed until dd was about 6 months old, it was just the way we discovered we liked doing things and it fitted both our personalities and dd's. With ds we've done pretty much the same and he seems a happy little boy.

I think a lot of it comes down to personalities; most of our friends are unsupportive of how we've done things, think we're soft etc. (thank heavens for mumsnet where there is such a range of points of view) although family have been more supportive. I don't really notice any difference between our dd (26 months) and her friends who we raised with cc etc. in terms of how affectionate they are or how happy, they all seem hapy to me. I guess different personalities of parents and children use different methods and are comfotable with different styles.

The hardest thing I've found about ap has been other people's reactions, I used to think I was fairly confident but I hate the constant criticism. The best thing has been that it made me, dh and dd much happier once we realised (when we just had dd) that we should go with our instincts and parent the way we felt was best for our child.

I don't follow AP as a slave, but it's probably the parenting style which suits me and my babies the most. I agree it depends on the personality of the baby and of the parents. Both my children now prefer to sleep in their own beds. I ask them to come and sleep with me and DH, but they refuse. I am very sad, but luckily I am pregnant again. Can't wait to have another little baby with me.

I woudl probably say I did "AP light"

Some off AP would be a bit much for me. I read somewhere about this women who intended to wean at one year by chewing the food first in her own mouth before giving to her child.

Yuk....I have a friend who always chewed the food when weaning.......I can't think of anything more disgusting myself. I agree if you dig too deep into attachment parenting, you will find some bizarre practises.......

chewing the food first - bit on the bizarre side for me too!

dh & I do a mixture of co sleep and her in a germanic type moses basket with wheels which a friend lent us. Got addicted to rocking her for awhile - but we are trying to keep the hands off at the moment and soothe other ways.

We did try co-sleeping 100% at first but it was me that wanted some personal space and felt abit of pressure from dm - (she came and stayed with us when dd was first born which was good as we were both green as grass when it comes to babies).
I didnot want to get out of bed to feed. So she sleeps with her bed right up against ours and quite often comes into bed in the wee hours of the morning.

She will grow out of the moses basket soon and we either need to get a cot (cage) or she has a futon we bought for her.
Has anyone ever put their baby in a bigger style bed at around 6 months? She will still be right next to us or in bed with us. Cause its not the norm I am a little apprensive.
My SIL said she put wooden sides around her kids bed - but I think they were alittle older when moved from the parents bed.

We carry dd lots - was given a bushbaby type arrangement and she loves seeing me put it on. Its good cause I have both hands. She will grown out of it soon though I guess - dh bought a sling but it is just a big load of material to me and she likes the baby carrier.

I bought the Dr Sears baby book which was where I first discovered the term attached parenting.

A friend of mine has basically done AP also - and at almost 15 months old the only way her dd goes to sleep is on the breast. Anyone got any advice or tips for her? She does not really use the web too much.

Hey Hercules
my dh is really supportive like yours. I would not even known what co-sleeping if it was not for him.
We had a home birth too which I was abit reluctant about at first.. but am not a great hospital goer. After abit of encouragement we did it and it all went beautifully!

My mid wife breastfeed her babies for a long time - also I think during pregnancy.

I hadn't heard the term attachment parenting until after my 4th baby was born but when I read about it I realised we'd been doing a version of it with all our babies. I suppose we've always been baby-led, feeding on demand, co-sleeping to varying extents, plus dh and I don't do routines in our lives so it suited us all.