at toddler groups can you always tell the childminded kids?

[genii]

I mean not just by the fact there is often quite a few of them per adult.

I have been to a few groups recently where there has been a childminder with a child of her own and one or two childminded kids and the differences in the way the children are treated (i.e. childminded and the childminder's own) has been very marked.

Things like always siding with their own dc on disputes over toys, getting their own kid a drink and ignoring the minded kid, leaving other adults to help the minded kid (put on aprons, get drinks, wash hands etc) when they (the childminder) could see they needed help, walking fast while holding the hand of a crying mindee while pushing their own (same age) child in a buggy.

Maybe this is just par of the course and I know childminders only get paid ~£4 ph and I haven't seen any actual neglect of children but I just feel a bit sad for the mindees as they must know that they are being treated less kindly than the minders own children.

I have been thinking of maybe using a childminder for my dc and was thinking a minder with dc a similar age would be good as they could attend toddler groups etc together but now I'm worried my child would just be treated as second class.

I'd be really interested on others views on this.

ps. I'm not suggesting all childminders are like this, just that a lot are and it's a bit of a risk, also obviously I've probably come across childminders where I haven't even realised they were and the dc weren't all their own!

Don't get why doing the school run is a bad thing. Our CM does the school run most days, surely isn't it the same as just going out with me? She gets talked to, things are pointed out, it's fresh air and exercise. Am I missing something?

only if the CM is a bit rubbish
there is one CM like this at our toddler group

but the other two are brilliant - far more patient, attentive and affectionate to their mindees than i manage to be with my DC.

i think this is partly because the less good CM only does it so she can stay home with her child, and the other two just love being CMs.

There are good and bad professionals in all walks of life - I think op, saying that most cms are like that, is a unfair generalization. Just because one dr is struck off for negligence you wouldn't say all dr's are like that would you?

My cm is brilliant with my two but I went round a lot of nurseries and cm in the area before choosing her and could easily have chosen a nursery if I felt that would have suited us better. She treats my boys like her own, does a wide variety of activities with them and parents her dds in a similar way as I parent my boys - meaning I get consistency. After nearly 4 years she's more of a family friend now than someone I employee iyswim.

I think its a case of the minority of cms ruining for the majority which is quite imo. Personally, I think those who give priority treatment to their own dcs to the detriment of their mindees needs really need to consider if cm'ing is the right job for them...

Also, I don't really understand why people are saying cms talking to other cms at groups is a bad thing. You'd expect nursery workers to speak to one another during the day wouldn't you?
Surely professionals talking to one another is how services develop and improve, its called peer support in many professions.

My CM treats my child better than I do, she's wonderful! Lovely bubbly person with an absolute love for children. She's so good with them.

I've seen good and bad cms at the groups I go to. It was a long while before I realised that one was a cm and not the dc's mum as she seems so attentive and affectionate with her mindees. I would love for her to mind my dcs when I go back to work but she has a really long waiting list!

Another group I go to is like a cms meet up! They sit gossiping and ignore the dc's. I once had to go and tell one that one of her mindees had fallen over and was crying as she was taking no notice of them, she seemed really pissed off that I'd interrupted her coffee!

I went to a horrible cm when I was a child, I really hated going there and I think thats definitely made me think more about what type of childcare I want for my dcs.

As a CM with my own son I can say that it's MY oWN son that misses out in favour of my mindees. I can go a whole day without a coffee or food as I'm constantly on the go. I attend 4 groups a week (three I actually run with another parent). I'm highly qualified an experience and charge £3 an hour including food. I have worked managed nurseries and known many childminders. Some only do the job to be with their children, some only do the job for money and SOME do the job because they LOVE children and give 100% .

I chose nursery for my DS when i returned to Work as he was 9 months and i was certain he might love the CM more than mummy PFB in the extreme.. That said there have been limited times When I've questioned that decision as being a larger setting there have been times I've been frustrated.
My major reasons for keeping him at his nursery are that he is happy there has friends, a nice setting, low staff turnover, all of my gripes were administrative not care based, fully supported him getting salt help
AND
He gets his preschool hours in jan and if id of moved him id of ha to source a place for this whilst paying CM half fees "in case" he was ill.. Obviously perfectly reasonable for CM to charge this but not financially viable for me.

In terms of actually CMs interviewed 3 when I considered moving DS, the first was the one i would of picked, she was warm and welcoming and my cousins son went to her. The seconds house was much much smaller and at the time her fence had blown down so garden was unsecured. She seemed really kind though and as a person if her setting was bigger i would have used her.

The third was an unmitigated disaster...the woman i went to see i had seen at a toddler morning at a local Soft play. She has been upstairs with two children whilst a third had gotten stuck in the loo.. She eventually rescued the girl.. Then said to me "I suppose you couldn't have helped?!" (a. It wouldnt of been appropriate, b. it was loud so didnt hear her) suffice to say i walked in and straight back out!!

Anyway from the above 2 good to one shit shows that not all CMs are bad, like not all mums are good, its all personal preference, something I see as a negative others see as a positive, and vice versa.

Bonkerz you know what they say about cobblers' children! :)

I absolutely love my childminder, she is brilliant and I have seen no evidence of her favouring her daughter over the mindees. I really like that they do the school run, my daughter loves seeing the bigger kids and waving at the other parents. People know my daughter who I have never met because of this.

She also does far more with the kids than I do, despite being tied to the school run. They go straight to the park after the school run, which has a children's centre there with a playgroup they can go into if they want. They do craft activities. She has someone come in to do a private Theatre Tots lesson for her mindees once a week. They bake and I get to eat the results. In the summer holidays, when she wasn't tied to the school run and had fewer mindees they went on day trips to the seaside, museums and so on.

I don't manage to do half the things that they do. I think it's terrible to write off all childminders due to the behaviour of a few. I always wanted a CM and yes I saw a few who I wouldn't want to leave my kid with. But I know friends who had the same experience with nurseries, so it's not exactly surprising.

But really, the proof of how good my CM is you see from how my daughter interacts with her. When your child squeals with delight every morning when they get to their chosen childcare and slam the door in your face, you know you're doing ok!

Well i am a childminder and i obviously do not act like this at the toddler group i attend because i have picked up work from mums i have met there.

My own kids used to comment that i too favour my minded kids over them whilst i am working when they were younger.

My CM's children are teenagers but I'm guessing she treats my DS like her own as she tells me she's often complimented on how lovely he is by people who think he's hers!

I interviewed a couple I wouldn't have left my hamster with (Jeremy Kyle on the TV kind of put me off one of them) but the 2 I've chosen (for DD and now for DS as DD's retired by the time I managed to conceive again) are really great. Warm, caring, energetic and full of good ideas.

If you choose well I can't see how it could fail to be a more enriching experience than spending all day in the same room at a nursery. Its amusingly PFB to worry about a baby being 'dragged' on the school run. Don't all 2nd and subsequent children do this? DS really seems to like it whether its me or CM taking him.

I'm not sure I've seen the behaviour you describe OP. I have seen a CM with her own child and a mindee, who treated them equally so far as I could tell.

I've also seen a woman at music group who I had assumed was an amazing mum to a little girl with special needs who dealt so patiently with her frustration at not being able to do everything. And found out she was a nanny.

I have seen groups of CMs chatting in the park and it has been clear that they have lost track of their mindees because their attention was fully distracted. I've seen it too many times to think that it was a rarity which, let's face it, happens to every parent once in a while.

In the same park, I have seen the most caring, attentive carer, who I could only guess was a CM because of the mismatch in ethnicities between her and the child. She didn't hang out with the group of CMs though.

It's hard, but you have to look at specific CMs and nurseries to get a feel for what would suit you and your DC. Good luck!

My friend's little girl used to go to a childminder who then dropped her off at school, I saw her one morning just shove her book bag at her and just mutter a goodbye before walking off and leaving this poor little reception class child standing there looking a bit bewildered. It was heartbreaking especially as everyone else's mums were kissing them and telling them to have a lovely day.

I am now a childminder myself and would never dream of treating a child like that.

The only cm I know is nothing like this, she's very fair.

Ive seen good and bad from parents, nurseries and childminders. We had lovely cm for a while whose son was adorable with my daughter. We aslo have lovely caring nursery staff who are brilliant with her. I wouldnt chose a form of childcare on the basis of x type is good, y type is bad. I met some child minders I was uneasy about leaving my daughter with, I also viewed nurseries with bored staff and children wandering about bored.