Do women change after having children?

[IA71]

My husband says that I have changed since having my second child and not for the better! How do you think women change? I know I now find my relationship with my MIL very difficult and sometimes my husband can do nothing right. Is it to do a mother's instinct and need to protect her children?

It could also be to do with your DH being unkind? What an unsupportive thing to say.

I've changed since having my DS. I'm calmer, more patient, happier in myself and better at my job.

Do you think you've changed? Has he changed?

How could a woman not change when she becomes a mother? Suddenly all her priorities alter.

People change as they get older anyway. You get different priorities.

I am definitely a different person now than before I had my dc. I have been sitting in a room 'watching' my girls do gymnastics for the last two hours. I wasn't that selfless eight years ago!

Life is more indulgent and all about you pre children.

Im a lot more stressy, a lot more organised and constantly have a to do list in my head. Dp says i've changed and not nessesarily in a good way but it wasn't a deliberate thing. Just got less tollerance for bullshit and time wasting. We do argue more but nothing too bad. The older dd gets the more im feeling like the old me though.

My husband says the same. I think it's just that we take a lot less shit from them after DC.
Before DC DH and I both had quite a good (separate) social life, after dc his life continued as though nothing had changed meaning that I couldn't go out because he was out. As a result I resent him and he can do no right. I have now decide I don't love him anymore though and am tryin to split, he's not having it

I am more selfless, empathetic, kind, patient and wise.

I'm also more fat, bloated, sleep-deprived, angry, sad and lost.

Everything changes us.

This is me having small children and trying to work full-time.

Ask me again in 3 years my answer may be different.

I think my DH might think the same thing about me, what he really means is that I would rather sleep than shag.

Of course they change.
Surely your h has?

IA71 How old are your DC's? I know I'm not the same as I was before and like others my DH would agree probably not for the better. But with two little ones, a pt job and a lot of broken sleep / early mornings then a saint would struggle! Also re bed... its a place to sleep imo for now!

I have changed and not for the better.

I think it is mainly down to finding it hard to cope with the additional pressures that parenthood entails with limited support. It's not just me though, dh has also changed and the change in dh definitely isn't positive.

As much as we love our children dearly, if we could have seen a glimpse of the people that we would become I think we would have not had children.

I don't feel I have changed, in that I still feel like basically the same person, but there is now someone in the world more important than me, which obviously changes how I behave. Your behaviour has probably changed because you are more tired, stressed, and trying to do the best by your DC's How much does your DH do? Maybe if he wants you to start behaving like you used to he needs to take on some of what you do?

To an extent...but I think it is more that aspects of my personality couldn't come to the fore when the children were teeny.

Now I have older children I feel much more 'me' again - I'm still basically the horse mad girl that loves wild camping, the wilderness but also having a partay. It does come back, thank goodness.

Thank goodness Ithaka! That is good to know. How old was your youngest when you felt like the old you?

Oh, good question... I think these things creep up on you so gradually you don't realise you are there until you look back...

I would I really got my groove back as my youngest started school and it just gets easier & easier as they move up the school.

Older children still need a lot from you, but they don't need the kind of hands on physical care that is so wearying.

Im still the me I always was.Still same friends no need for 'mum' friends as I still fit in with my single/ childless friends.Still enjoy the same interests even if cant always do them as often.

Dh and I are both into the same shared interests and I dont think it has to change your marriage.

I've changed. I prioritise the kids before myself. So has DH, though.

Is your DH trying to put himself first, like someone without kids?

I think we'll get more chance to be a bit selfish again when the kids are older (we have 3 under 5).

I have 2 children under the age of 3 and I am currently on maternity leave. I think tiredness and lack of help makes me very snappy. I also don't have any tolerance for my MIL and her constant 'jokes' that always seem to be about me and my children. I think you are right; I now have no time for bullshit. Men's lives definitely change less than women. Having said that I love having a baby in the house again.

IA71 - Arrange some nights out for a relax

Ilovedaintynuts - your post could have been written by me! Its reassuring to know i am not the only one!

And yes, my DH can also not understand why the thought of sleep is more appealing than sex!

I've changed into a grumpy ould donkey.

But the other side is, I appreciate myself a little bit more, know I've worked hard for my modest life/home and happy ish children and marriage, and am content in those achievements to date.

I think I appreciate the smaller things a bit more.

I'm more tired, fatter & much poorer! (but I wouldn't change a thing)

I've been trying to change and become more patient. But other than having different priorities, I'm still fundamentally the same person.

Your MIL might have to take her comedy show elsewhere. A baby and toddler are tiring.

I can't comment on the DH side as Id be up for manslaughter if I got critised like that.

These answers are very reassuring. I am another who's DH can't understand why I would rather sleep than have sex!

And I would echo a lot of the posts here, that I am more stressed, tired and won't take any bullshit from DH anymore!

I am pleased to read that I will hopefully find a bit of the Old Me as the DC get older (I'm another with 2 under 3).

I agree, I had My bad side and good side worsen...lol but this things is for the better. My DD is supportive though, but If he wouldn't that would be a problem. But anyway, Try to talk things out with your DD. And girls,.girls,.never tell to your DH that your not interested in sex. Because if you did, they will think that your not interested to them anymore.,. Boosting your lovelife will also boost your marriage.

I haven't changed a bit it's everyone else has just got more annoying!

I am fatter, more neurotic and a lot poorer