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Original poster

Anxious about leaving DD with MIL

45 replies

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:38

Id be grateful for opinions on this. Its a bit of an AIBU i suppose...

DH and i were staying over for the second time with my MIL at the weekend. I have had serious reservations about MIL in past but she does seem quite good with 3 month old DD.

My DH gave DD to her in the morning to keep amused while he and I were packing. When I joined her downstairs she told me that she had taken DD next door to meet neighbour who had given a present when she was born.

MIL is due to babysit for the evening this weekend for the first time and I am now feeling even more anxious than before, worried she might take things into her own hands again, I suppose.

Thinking about either taking it up directly with her, or asking DH to do so.

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Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:40

I should say we were staying for the second time with my DD. we've stayed loads of times without her...

OP posts:

ll31 · 04/09/2012 07:42

Sorry I genuinely don't see what your problem is

ifancyashandy · 04/09/2012 07:43

In the nicest possible way, you need to relax. A grandma lovingly carried here DGD next door to show her off to the neighbour who kindly bought her a gift. She was there & back in the time it took to pack a suitcase. She loves her & will look after her.

Unless there's a backstory untold, no words are required to be had.

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FamiliesShareGerms · 04/09/2012 07:44

Feedthebirds, can you expand on why you are feeling anxious? What was it that MiL did that "took things into her own hands" that you didn't want her to do?

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:45

I suppose I wish she had just quickly asked me or DH whether we minded her taking DD out to see this neighbour. The answer would have most definitely been yes.

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WipsGlitter · 04/09/2012 07:46

YABU. Seriously, what's the problem. Unless it was a journey of miles over hill and dale and she was in danger, then it's fine. It might have been nice if she called up and let you know what she was going to do but really, pick your battles and this isn't one !

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2012 07:46

Well unless she took her next door and then boggered off to the pub on her own, it's fine.

WipsGlitter · 04/09/2012 07:47

X post. Yes you would have minded, or yes you can take her?

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2012 07:48

Why would you mind?

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:48

Yes she could take her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:49

Poor grammar on my part- no I wouldn't have minded.

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2012 07:52

You need to chill out :) You asked her to entertain your DD, and she thought, "Oh, NDN got DGD a present before she was born, I'll pop round quickly so she can meet her." - where is the harm? She didn't put her in the car and take her on a ten mile circuit.

When you ask someone to look after your DD, you need to accept you won't be able to control their every move. Its a tough lesson to learn, and takes a while, because you're a mum - you want to know exactly what is going on!

Do you have issues with MIL? Or this neighbor?

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 07:56

No issues with neighbour or MIL. Just an anxious new mum really.

I didn't mind my DD being introduced to the neighbour. What is now worrying me is what my MIL might feel at liberty to do next time e.g. Feed DD banana or something else more substantially different from what I'd be happy with.

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SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 07:58

Why not wait until she is older if your feeling anxious? At 3 months they still seem so tiny don't they? By the time your dd is crawling about and picking everything up and interacting more with people you might find it easier.

What are your concerns though? Do you feel the same anxiety leaving her with anyone else or is it specific to your mother in law?

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 08:01

Weve only left DD once, last week with my parents. It seemed to go fairly well though it was only for 3 hours. This time it'll be 5-6 hours.

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iknowwho · 04/09/2012 08:01

Jesus wept!!

Words fail me!!!

You are joking aren't you?

WipsGlitter · 04/09/2012 08:05

Are you planning on leaving her for longer? It's sounds as if you'd made a special trip to see her so it's not like she handy.

What's wrong with bananas?

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 08:06

Nothing wrong with bananas but I haven't started weaning her yet.

OP posts:

Peggotty · 04/09/2012 08:07

You're going to get some harsh replies (like the last one). It is hard to leave your baby, especially your first with other people, even though you know rationally that they'll be ok. Just try to accept that you'll feel a bit anxious about it but that no harm will come to your dd. Maybe you can make a point of saying to your mil that you don't plan to wean her etc til she's x months. It does seem a bit that your fear of leaving her with your mil isn't actually based on anything concrete unless you aren't telling the whole story?

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 08:10

Are you leaving her for a special reason or just so you and your partner can have some time together child free, if its the latter and your very anxious just put it off until she is older. I'm sure your dd would be fine but you wouldn't be so it would be a waste of time and money imo.

Original poster

Feedthebirds · 04/09/2012 08:12

I'm telling the whole story- it is as simple as it sounds.

The banana thing was just an example, not a concrete worry.

I knew before I posted that some people would want to attack me for posting this concern but decided that it would be worth it for the more thoughtful replies.

Seems however it is expressed, the consensus is that my worry seems unjustified to others and I'm grateful for the reassurance.

OP posts:

EnjoyGOLDResponsibly · 04/09/2012 08:14

Yep YABU.

Proud, doting, willing GPs are a gift.

She popped next door, that's all.

It's fair enough that if GPs look after babies and children they understand your thoughts on food, discipline, Tv etc.

But it's also reasonable to allow some autonomy on their part too, they already brought up kids so know a little bit about how to do it.

Relax. You'll feel a lot better if you do.

Iggly · 04/09/2012 08:14

Actually OP I'd be a bit

It's your first baby - many of us were like this and have a memory fail several years later. I didn't like ds to be out of my sight for a long time - because he was my baby and I was his mother. With dd I relaxed a bit.

Just have a chat with your MIL - dont bring up anything specific, just jokingly say to let you know if she plans x/y/z.

Iggly · 04/09/2012 08:15

And a lot of responses are why MILs get a bad press - because I bet she too has forgotten what it's like to have a new baby and feel protective over them as have many on this thread.

SirBoobAlot · 04/09/2012 08:16

I'm sure she won't suddenly start feeding her food. But if you're anxious about that, then just gently bring up in conversation the current recommendations.

Remember that MIL once left her baby for the first time too, she'll probably understand you feeling a bit anxious.

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