Becoming a SAHM - how much to afford it?

[BoyMeetsWorld]

This may have been done to death...if so, please could somebody link me in the right direction as my iPhone App does not seem to search topics properly (I did try!)

Otherwise; hubby and I are finally ready to TTC no. 2. I won't bore you with our story but it does need to be sometime about now & we really would struggle with child are costs etc - as I'm sure lots of people do! Currently both work full time, in quite well paid South East jobs (his slightly better than mine but almost 50/50). DS1 isn't his so I've always paid the entire childcare, hubby pays entire mortgage. Childcare actually more than mortgage!! Now no.2 in 'the making' I'm seriously considering taking a career break to be SAHM actually spend time with my children (feel like DS1 has really not had enough of my time as I've been so career driven) & not work purely to pay someone else to look after them. Hubby is terrified. He's not 'smart' with household finances anyway & every single month we finish in slight debt (his, not mine). He's not sure how we'd manage if I stop work & effectively take away half our household income.

My gut instinct is I totally get where he's coming from - but other people ate managing, aren't they?! So my question is....how?? I know this is a personal question so I'm of course not forcing or expecting you to answer (& do feel free to name change) but how much were you & DH on before, how much did you go down to after you became SAHM, how do you manage & would you recommend it? We'd massively appreciate your shared experiences and advice x

Well, I'm not really a SAHM, but my way of getting to stay at home with the dcs was to give up my full time job and work on a self employed basis in the evenings as a tutor. I'm aiming to do 20 hours a week from September and am almost fully booked. We couldn't have afforded it otherwise. Is there anything you could do on a freelance, self employed or part time basis that would ease things a little financially?

I think psychologically, dh found it tough being the main earner, but it helps that I have a little income of my own.

Not sharing income - as it is irrelevant really, as it depends on your outgoings ( and am worried people in RL may know me on here). But, we effectively halved our income. Like you though, childcare costs will be a factor, so we won't be as badly off and in the long term I intend to grow my business.

we earn a lot less than most and managed, however its not hard, but worth it to spend the early years with your kids

we (and I mean dh and I here,usually the kids dont go without too much), gave up holidays abroad, clothes when we fancy, ditto shoes, have done the house up once in 15 years, not much of a social life, few takeaways, no weekends away)

oh and I gave up my job I enjoyed and now work for minimum wage in a child friendly job

it depends how much time you really want to spend with your kids and if you feel giving up so much is worth it

Its tight to do but doable if you're outgoings are covered. We have outgoings covered and then £155 PW for food and daily bits and bobs. Doesn't seem much but we have 3 children (6 and under) and its works if you are careful.

I guess you're lifestyle will come into this as if you enjoy lots of trips etc then that may change.

I was working after my 3rd and have just become a SAHM again as I was £60 PM better off working and the stress I brought home was silly. It made for a unhappy home. I am now very happy back at home and the children have a happy relaxed mum back again. HTH

My DH earns about 30k, without bonuses and we are comfortable. We have three kids. It does help that we live in company accommodation so don't pay rent or bills at all. I think that probably adds about 10k on to our income iyswim!
DH does get stressed about being the breadwinner sometimes but I think it's more that if he loses his job we have no income but also no home.
I love being a sahm and am happy to give up expensive clothes and stuff in order to do it. I think it's about priorities.

Thank you so much to everybody who has replied so far - would still love to hear more experiences, I'm such a worrier & DH is just as bad! It's a big decision isn't it

Convert - DH's income is similar, and we'd just have the two DCs so that's useful thanks. Although we do have to pay all mortgage etc so yes that makes big difference but he gets his car run completely (& mine if I wanted one).

We're not big spenders in terms of clothes etc & I'm good at getting lovely things for DS off eBay, doing a whole family weeks shop with really nice fresh food for £40 pw etc. If no2 is a boy so much the better as wouldn't need to buy anything!!! But we DO like our days out so I guess would need to learn to cut that out & find alternatives. If you're SAHM with the kids & no £ to take them places, is that really tough?

Another thing to bear in mind is that it may be worth your while to continue to work part time just to keep your foot in the door.

For many people it is not cost effective to work and pay for childcare, during the years that they need childcare, but if you can then hold on to a job that will let you increase your hours as the children need less paid childcare, it becomes the best option financially.

As others have said, you may be able to work for yourself/run your own business, but it is more difficult to find employment after a career break, and whereas your current employer has to consider your request for flexible working, a future employer doesn't. Just remember to think long term.

Good point merry mouse. - why does having a career break for children make employers less likely to hire women after?

I originally didn't plan to go back to work because i wanted to stay at home with DS but now i'm only on maternity pay i've decided to go back 2 days because losing that money would hit us hard. My mum is taking DS while i work so i don't have to pay child care but i only earn 14500 full time so part time i would earn £4 a day after child care.

I think 2 days a week is a good balance it give us enough money to take DS out sometimes and get him the odd toy and not scrimp on food, lets me get out and keep my foot in the door, plus DS still gets most of my time. My job is a job not a career so i can leave it all at the office no over time or preasure i think that makes a difference too

It is a decision with long term implications, think about where you want to be in 5 and 10 years.

Children get more expensive as they get older. After a few years out, you will be deskilled and might find it hard to get work.

I found frugality easy at first, but as the years went by it wore me down

Work out your budget and see if one wage can cover it. My DH has not even got a permanent contract so it has never been an option for me.

Remember to factor in any pension contributions from your employer and other benefits when you are doing your sums.

My oh earns £14k and we manage. There's dd aged 9 and ds 9 weeks and we have a mortgage of 390 a month. We do fine :) ... We do get maintenance from my ex of 200 a month which helps, then there's the tax credits of 190 a week and child benefit too. I have always worked in very well paid jobs (30k plus) so its quite a change but I love it :). I never want to work again. (Unless I absolutely had to!)

You just learn ways of spending less... Aldi, orange cinema tickets, days out vouchers (for example sea life centre often do 2 for 1 on cereal packets!) , downsize cars (anything more than a 1.1 is a no no in petrol and tax!) , etc etc etc... I am really happy being a sahm on relatively little money. BUT we do share all our money - I couldn't do it with a partner who was precious over his and my money etc

I gave up my career but don't regret it. I've stayed at home with my children and we manage financially. we have a small mortgage though, so perhaps that's what makes us difference from many other couples. I can work if I really wanted to, but I don't have to so I choose to stay at home. If there's a will there's a way and you can make it work if you really want to when DC2 comes along. You will likely have to make some sacrifices though. If you aren't willing to sacrifice then it won't really work.

I didn't see the point in paying a stranger money to raise my children whilst I tried to have it all. I already find it exhausting looking after DC, without adding a job into the mix anyway. I take my hat off to those that can do it all.

Another huge factor in our situation was we both do shift work which unlike all the 9 til 5 workers, is not really family friendly. I cannot imagine childminders taking on children from 9pm til 6am whilst we did nightshifts! Huge factor in me staying at home more than anything tbh.

Sorry meant to add that because of the shift work it meant one of us wanted to be around to give the children stability every day as they grow up,whilst the other was the 'breadwinner' so to speak. I have two DC. If we had three DC however, I'd think in the long term I'd be looking to return to work alot sooner due to the cost of food, clothing, shoes etc for three growing children. Thankfully only two children means there's not as much of a rush for me to go out and work as they're growing up!

wigglewoo that is really quite inspiring. I am going to try to cut my hours as far as I can without getting sacked, and negotiate hours with nursery. That way I will maintain my registration, and ' keep my hand in'. DH is wanting to retrain and I want to say 'no'. I have already been the sole wage earner for 6 years, and it has certainly not paid off.

wigglewoo I thought you both had to be working to get Tax Credits, or have things changed?

I would say, as a sahm, that the big thing is not how much it would costs.

The big things are

• you BOTH need to be committed to the idea, otherwise there will be resentment
• you need to have a good financial set up, like one big jointaccount, and a seperate one each for personal stuff. The joint account should have enough in itto pay the bills each month, school uniform, mortgage, food.
• you need to be able to talk about expectations ( would he expect you to wait on him 24/7 as a sahm? Don't laugh, some men do!)

Be careful to factor in one- off, large costs when you make your decision. If you get by usually, how would you pay for eg a new washing machine / the car breaking? What would you do if one Dc gets really into music and wants piano lessons?

Make sure you consider long term as well as short term costs :)

For Working Tax Credit I think its 16 hours a week if you are single and 24 hours between you if you are a couple.

I worked 37.5 per week and DH was a student and we were told we qualified for nothing as he did not work. I earned £25K but when on Mat leave, considerably less. With a mortgage and two in nursery it was very hard.

Have you sat down and worked out your monthly outgoings? It sounds from your OP that you currently have separate finances, which would be hard work (and potentially a source of conflict and difficulty) if you were to give up work...

We used to work in London, but halved our income when we moved back to our home town in the north west. At the time we were worried about how we would manage (ha! seems ridiculous now) but tbh neither of us are big spenders, we're quite frugal mostly and DH is good at saving (all of this makes it easier to manage on one salary).

On moving back here, we were each earning £44k so jointly £88k when I got pregnant. At the moment, only DH is working but his salary has gone up to £55k. We have a mortgage that is just under £1k a month, plus obviously bills and food. DD also goes to a childminder 2 days a week (paid for with childcare vouchers) as I'm running a business from home. I've never taken a salary from the business and am in the process of selling it as I'm going back to work in a few weeks.

We can afford to pay the bills on DH's salary, but I think carefully before buying luxury items like wine, and we don't eat out anywhere near as often as we used to. We have had a week at Centerparcs as our summer holiday this and we have 2 cars. Our lifestyle is by no means austere, but we're not rolling in it and we don't buy much in the way of clothes etc and we haven't had a holiday abroad since 2009. It will be much easier when I go back to work (I'll be paid £27k) as my salary will be 'fun money' after the additional childcare costs etc. All our money is joint and always has been, so we don't have any issues around me asking DH for money etc (I would not like that...).

Our monthly outgoings have stayed pretty static since day one, the things that make them up have just changed - e.g. rent in London was higher than our mortgage is now, and we ate and drank out a lot and shopped at Ocado - whereas now we spend more on petrol, car maintenance and childcare but I shop mostly at Aldi and we don't have a fridge full of luxury cheeses and prosecco! We don't save anything at the moment either, until now we have always saved every month. We will start saving again when I am back at work, probably at least £500 a month.

I gave up a good job to become a SAHM 5 years ago.
I now work in a shop for minimum wage on weekends when DH can look after the kids and get about £250 a month. Could you look for something when your DH can be at home, to avoid childcare costs?
I save money by meal planning, shopping in Aldi, having cheap days out etc.
I found that when I had the DCs we naturally started to spend less on socialising, meals out etc because we didn't have the same opportunity.

Also do you have a car? I got rid of mine when I stopped working and that saved loads of money too.