Becoming a SAHM - how much to afford it?

[BoyMeetsWorld]

This may have been done to death...if so, please could somebody link me in the right direction as my iPhone App does not seem to search topics properly (I did try!)

Otherwise; hubby and I are finally ready to TTC no. 2. I won't bore you with our story but it does need to be sometime about now & we really would struggle with child are costs etc - as I'm sure lots of people do! Currently both work full time, in quite well paid South East jobs (his slightly better than mine but almost 50/50). DS1 isn't his so I've always paid the entire childcare, hubby pays entire mortgage. Childcare actually more than mortgage!! Now no.2 in 'the making' I'm seriously considering taking a career break to be SAHM actually spend time with my children (feel like DS1 has really not had enough of my time as I've been so career driven) & not work purely to pay someone else to look after them. Hubby is terrified. He's not 'smart' with household finances anyway & every single month we finish in slight debt (his, not mine). He's not sure how we'd manage if I stop work & effectively take away half our household income.

My gut instinct is I totally get where he's coming from - but other people ate managing, aren't they?! So my question is....how?? I know this is a personal question so I'm of course not forcing or expecting you to answer (& do feel free to name change) but how much were you & DH on before, how much did you go down to after you became SAHM, how do you manage & would you recommend it? We'd massively appreciate your shared experiences and advice x

£190 a week
In tax credits? Blimey, that's loads of money. I had no idea you could get as much as that

Op how old is DS? when does He start school? Thinking of your childcare costs reducing.
As a SAHM forced out due to redundancy on mat leave - I would advise going back part time. Just to keep a little something for you.

I have just returned to the world of work albeit as a childminder and I love the sense of responsibility and the fact that I now earn my own money. Personally I missed working and I'm firmly on the way to getting 'me' back.

If I could (and with hindsight) I'd have gone back part time after DS2.

If you are even going to contemplate being a SAHM you need a joint account with no restrictions on the money. I control all our finances, sort the mortgage etc so I am in control. I could not be a limitless woman at home with no idea of what was going on with the family finances.

Did you say your DH earns £30k. It's doable but if I'm honest we struggle on that and our mortgage is only £380/ mth. It only takes a boiler part to go, the need to replace a carpet and you are in the overdraft. And it's hard to get out.
We have no savings and do not pay into a pension. Changing that once I am earning more in September.

Limitless ? ? ? I meant little woman! FFS

£25K would put you over the income threshold for working tax credit now, valium, although you should receive child tax credit. Definitely says on HMRC website "If you're a couple and only one of you is working that person must be working atleast 24 hours a week".

(I'm taking an exam and this is on the syllabus, but I could be wrong - I can get to grips with tax, but tax credits is )

merrymouse I am so confused by it all. I know it varies according to how many DCs you have. I may start a thread myself. I am beginning to think I missed out on it for 4 years.

I'm the opposite. trapped at home because I can't afford to work. I am NOT SPEAKING FOR EVERYBODY HERE, JUST ME WITH MY LIMITED EARNING CAPACITY. I THINK you need to have a good job to make it worth while when you have more than one child.

Do what you want to do though and don't be talked into , or out of what feels right.

Thanks for all the thought provoking insights. I love the concept of what I do but in reality the politics and limitations drive me batty. I earn just under what DH does so we'd need to manage on 30k - worries me that others are commenting that's tricky. Nursery in our area is hugely expensive so most of my salary is gone on that, but the little that is left - couple of hundred per month - is very much our "safety blanket" or treat money and this does worry me as DH truly is lousy with money. Worse, he doesn't tell me when things are bad financially...which is the reason for our separate finances. I feel quite trapped with work- id like to be a SAHM but maybe it's not a good idea :s on the other hand, I could potentially freelance on the side as some of you suggest....how do you manage to do that with DCs running about though?

When does your son start school/ get 15 hours funding for nursery?

You get working tax credits if one of you works more than 24 hours a week. You can't both work 16 hours for example - one of you has to work over 24. My dh works 36 and I don't work so we qualify.

Its a stupidly wrong system in many ways and I will openly admit this but you are better off with your dh working full time for a minimum wage than on a middle salary where you will lose tax credits. Yes that is wrong and of course when universal credit comes in next april it may change everything. Also long term implications in terms of turning down promotions to stay on a min wage job - not ideal (hasn't happened to us yet, dh is trying for a promotion but we may be worse off!!) Its unethical but that's the reality.

We get £50 more a week for ds 9 weeks as he is under 1. I think we lose that element when he reaches 1. We also get free prescriptions and dental treatment. Its a crazy world really.

When I used to earn £32k and dh was on £17.5k we seemed to pull in about the same take home pay as we do now with me not working and him on £13k .... I think the world has gone mad. But who can blame us trying too make the most of it. We are lucky enough that if we did lose all our tax credits etc we would still be able to manage though.

Also... Trust with money is imperative if you are a sahm.

My dh and I have two accounts - one household where all money goes into and all bills come out of. And one spending where we transfer a set amount each month - we mentally split this between us - ie all money is our money. We never question what the other spends as long as we don't go overdrawn which we don't thankfully. I don't think you can be a sahm with someone who sees the money he earns as "his" - it undermines everything you do. If you weren't looking after the children so he could work he'd have to pay someone to do it so you are effectively earning a wage and should expect and respect that.

You have several different problems there.

1. You are not enjoying your work. Becoming a SAHP is not the only solution to this. You could look for a new job or a career change.

1. Have you looked into other childcare options? Childminders or nannys can be cheaper for more than one child.

1. Your DH is rubbish with money. I would not want to become financially dependent on someone like this. Would he be willing to switch to a joint account?

ValiumQueen try the website entitledto.co.uk to see what tax credits you are able to get.

Thank you marypoppinsbag I am claiming now, but when I applied over the last few years I was told we were not entitled to a penny for anything, as DH was in Post Graduate studies. I was working full time, paying out childcare of £800 a month as we had one child in full time Nursery. I even went to CAB and they agreed we were in a loophole. If DH had been claiming Job Seekers or whatever, we could have claimed, but as he was on a full time course and we are not fraudulent, we did not do that. It seems ironic now we have more money coming in, we also get Tax Credits. In order to survive, we increased the mortgage, and ended up moving to a cheaper home.

op, going by your last post I dont think you are really committed to being a sahm

I think to get thru the months and yrs of financial hardship you need to be really sure being at home with your kids is the right thing for you and you dont sound sure of that