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Original poster

what is the ettiquite for correcting other peoples kids

34 replies

EntWife · 12/08/2012 22:23

DD1 is 2.3y/o. We went to our local splash pool on friday. DD was having a wonderful time splashing about. Some of the children had balls and water pistols etc and DD was quite interested in them.

At one point a ball that some little boys where playing with landed right in front of her. She picked the ball up and about a second later the owner of the ball, a boy maybe 12 months older than her bounded over to collect the ball. DD held the ball out to him and asked him if she could play too. He shouted No! at her, snatched the ball from her hands and threw it back over his head to his friends and then punched DD in the chest knocking her over.

Now normally i am all for letting the kids sort out disagreements between themselves but when i saw DD go down and her little shoulders slump i went into protective mum mode. I strode over to her intending to sccop her up but and in doing so passed the little boy. I leaned down to him and i said i thought he was a horrible little boy and that he should go straight to his mum and tell her how nasty he had been. He just smirked and ran off. I then picked DD up and we moved to a different part of the pool but the fun was spoiled for her and we eventually left.

When i picked her up i carried her to the side of the pool where our stuff was. I was gathering our stuff up and another mum who had been sitting a little way away and saw what happened came over to me and said that next time i should probably just leave it to the kids to sort out and that i was doing DD no favours by getting involved. at the time i felt totally justified and so just kind of shrugged and said i would keep it in mind and moved away but now am wondering if i did overreact and should of stayed out of it?

It is just that DD was being so polite and hadn't tried to pinch the ball, she was just holding it out for him to take. His reaction was so disproportionate and well just plain nasty that i felt compelled to intercede. How else is he going to learn that that behaviour is not acceptable. DD was not in any position to stand up to him.

Would be interested to know how other parents handle this type of situation.

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MrsCampbellBlack · 12/08/2012 22:25

Well I wouldn't call him nasty - even if I thought his behaviour was. But I'd have said that wasn't very kind.

I tend to think you should only say to other children what you'd be happy for their parents to hear you say and what you'd be happy for someone to say to your child.

His behaviour was unkind but he's still small too.

StabbyMacStabby · 12/08/2012 22:32

I think other mum was right; you made it into a bigger thing than it was by speaking harshly to him. Obviously you do feel protective of your DD but incidents like this are going to happen to her in life: at school, in the park, etc, and it's probably better for her to be able to shrug it off. Your getting upset over it might have shown her that this is the way to react to people being less than kind.

Redglow · 12/08/2012 22:36

Bit ott but I can see why you done it.

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RillaBlythe · 12/08/2012 22:39

So the wrong doer wasn't yet even 4? You shouldn't have spoken to him like that IMO. I would have said 'that wasn't very kind was it' or something similar, & moved away.

mumnosGOLDisbest · 12/08/2012 22:41

id say something like thats not very nice, what would your mum say? if his parents werent there to correct him id make sure he knew id seen but not necessarily 'tell him off'. at that age in a pool id expect a parent to be watching though.

NatashaBee · 12/08/2012 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RillaBlythe · 12/08/2012 22:48

Natasha, he was about 12 months older than the OP's 2.3 year old. So he was 3.3 years, ish.

Redglow · 12/08/2012 22:49

Natasha twelve months older.

NatashaBee · 12/08/2012 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryHansack · 12/08/2012 22:50

12 months older, not 12 years old!
it's tricky, be careful or you will have some psycho mom coming over and slapping you.
I once said 'oi i saw that' to some kid in the 'soft play' and his mum went MENTAL and made a huge scene....

CointreauVersial · 12/08/2012 22:51

Not 12, NatashaBee, 12 months older.

I agree with Rillablythe - you can't really speak to a 3yo like that.

But I would have kept a close eye, and had a quiet word with the mum if the bad behaviour continued.

stargirl1701 · 12/08/2012 22:51

I would say that you should intervene without being judgemental. You seemed to intervene to defend your child rather than to help two children settle a difference. I don't think calling a small child names is appropriate.

You need to draw his attention to the fact he hurt another child and give him the chance to apologise. The vast majority of children would've.

funnypeculiar · 12/08/2012 22:57

Well, from your description, you were pretty unpleasant to a someone smaller than you too! A child of about 3 years old from your best guess. Of course he shouldn't have pushed & knocked her over, but otherwise, sometimes small children don't want to play with a much smaller child when they are busy in a game. Although if you and your dd had started a great game together, I bet him & his mates would have come and joined you...

I have told off other people's children on occasion - most recently a teenager who chucked a bucket of water in a younger child's face. But only when the behaviour is completely unacceptable or dangerous. And even then I would only make a comment specific to the behaviour, not make character judgements about a 3yo on the basis of one incident.

Original poster

EntWife · 12/08/2012 23:05

hmmm, the consensus seems to be clear.

stargirl you are right. on reflection i did rush to defend DD rather than try to help them find a resolution themselves. I guess if he had just said no that DD couldnt play with him and his friends it would have been one thing (and fair enough) but the deliberate punch i think just got my protective instincts roaring.

OP posts:

mumnosGOLDisbest · 12/08/2012 23:08

it is hard to think objectively when your child is hurt.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 12/08/2012 23:09

How is telling off a naughty child unpleasant?

It's no more than you would do to your own child. It's no more than you would expect a nursery teacher to do. Jesus, if I saw my child being that naughty and another mum told him off I would be mortified at his behaviour and apologise to her and them tell him off myself too.

It is ok to intervene if the parent isn't there to enforce correct behaviour themselves.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 12/08/2012 23:12

Of course he shouldn't have pushed & knocked her over

There you are then. He was deliberately naughty and got pulled up on it.

Problem?

Wolfiefan · 12/08/2012 23:12

You told him he was a horrible little boy? Wow! How about saying that wasn't a kind thing to do or you must not push people? (Was it really a closed fist punch?)
PS I watch my kids and trust me I'd step in if there was a problem but don't ever call either of them nasty in my hearing. Oh and yes watch out for what Mary said.

Original poster

EntWife · 12/08/2012 23:13

Funny, i get what you are saying but i just want to make clear that DD wasnt pestering him to join in his game. His ball landed in front of her, she offered it back to him and very sweetly asked if she could play too. She wasn't trying to barge in on their games and had been until that moment, happily spinning around in the water trying to make a whirlpool. She never got the chance because he snatched the ball and then punched her (he didnt push, he closed his fist and wallopped her in the chest. From my point of view it looked like pure spite).

But i do take on board what you and others have said.

OP posts:

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 12/08/2012 23:15

Agree with the others. That was not nice, or similar. You were ott.. If they were really naughty I'd grass them to staff who could speak with parents.

ThisIsMummyPig · 12/08/2012 23:20

By the thread title I thought you were going to say that you made another kid say thank-you, not that you were going round calling him horrible. I would like to think I would have said nothing, but I think I would actually have made a fuss of my child, telling her not to play with children who aren't very nice in a loud, pointed voice (which I know isn't the best behaviour either, but realistically I know that's what I would have done.)

I am always making complete strangers mind their manners - no parent has ever minded.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 12/08/2012 23:21

Entwine don't listen to them.

If I saw another little boy punch my dd at her preschool I'd would tell him off quite obviously so a teacher or someone noticed. Why are naughty children allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour? Your dd is too little to handle the situation herself. Don't worry about it. Hopefully the little shit he'll not be quite so spiteful and naughty in future.

All the people saying you did wrong - would you let your kids get away with that behaviour?!

Slainte · 12/08/2012 23:26

I think the punching would make my heckles rise and I maybe would've had a similar reaction. I probably wouldn't have called him nasty etc but would definitely had told him very firmly that it was not nice to hit people.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 12/08/2012 23:33

It's calling him horrible & nasty which is the part I find ott. Telling him it's not nice to hit people with a beady eyed look would have done the job.

WelshMaenad · 13/08/2012 00:40

Where the he'll was his mother? I don't take my eyes off my toddler in the pool, and if he was that unkind I'd be there in a flash. There again, the fact that he smirked at you when you told him off says plenty about the attitude towards discipline at home, doesn't it?

I've told small people who have deliberately hurt my small people that they are horrible. I don't apologise for it. They were.

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