I constantly worry that DD is going to die. Is this normal?

[SilverSage]

I'm a first time mum to a 9 week old DD, and I find I'm constantly worried that she's going to die. If she sleeps longer than normal I instantly think that she's died from cot death. If we go out in the car I worry that another driver will hit us from the side and crush her, if I'm walking down the stairs with her I worry that I'm going to slip and drop her...You get the picture. It's not stopping me from living my life or doing normal things with her, it's just a constant worry in the back of my mind. Is this normal?

Yep, I think that it is normal. If it does interfer with your life then talk to your Gp.

My DD is 15mo and I now only have fleeting episodes.

Oh I was like this when dd was first born. I could not watch the news as awful things happened. I had a chat with my HV and she said it was quite normal as long as it didn't prevent me living my life in a normal way. It does get easier.

I was like that. That dream where you wake up falling from a cliff changed to one in which I dropped the baby.
Every time I went to pick Dd1 up from a nap or in the morning the thought would cross my mind.
Sounds normal to me.
Try to relax. Hope you are enjoying your baby.

Dont know if is normal, but i had it a lot too. My sympathy - it dies get hetter but mine hasnt gone away completely an shes 2 now!

I would say this is within "normal". With my first, I found myself worrying a lot. I have three children and these fears can creep up at times. With all mine, I found the fear of cot death etc started to pass around 4 months old.

It is good that you can acknowledge these feelings and if you find them taking over then go to your gp.

Make sure you can still enjoy your little one xx

Blummin keyboard, hope you can work that out!

I had this too. It's got far less now (DD is 13 months) but at one stage I couldn't sleep when she was sleeping for fear of something happening. I took Rescue Remedy, the day stuff & the nighttime stuff which made a huge difference. I also repeated to myself: 'a thought is just a thought.

Congratulations on the arrival of your wee bundle: enjoy her!

Yes, I have this too. Terrible scenarios play in my head, bourne out of completely normal things (like shopping). DS is 2.

It is not all the time and I am able to suppress the thoughts and ignore them. I think it is probably fairly normal.

Yes I think this is normal. Well I can relate anyway! When DS was tiny I used to 'see' accidents happening whenever there was danger, I occasionally still do. I think it's nature's way of making sure you protect your LO from harm

I had a moment like this last night. I have an Angel Care monitor and it went off last at 2am my first thought was oh god he's dead it was actually because he'd moved to the other end of his cot and was sleeping very deeply but i still stayed up all night watching him.

yep, me too. It's worn off at 6 months but I'll still imagine awful scenarios occasionally. My friend says it's a way of checking in with yourself about how you feel about them. 'Yep, would be devastated if X happened, I guess I still really love you, strane new little person '

I still hallucinate that the baby's in bed with me - during particularly disturbed nights - and pat the duvet frantically trying to find him. Until I realise he's asleep in the cot.

I think if it stops you enjoying your baby then talk to someone.

Perfectly normal. I worried about cot death until my kids were two.

All you can do is look after yourself and your baby. Drive carefully and make sure she is strapped in a car seat that is correctly fitted. Take care on the stairs. Listen to the guidelines about cot death prevention but don't forget to enjoy your baby.

I know what you're describing - as others have said it eases. A tiny baby looks so vulnerable - in no time they are a big chubby crawling baby, or marauding toddler, and they seem so much more robust then.

Yes, I did it too. I was terrified of cot death. DS is 4 now, and I still can't see anyone sleeping without automatically checking they are breathing!

Something to do with hormones plus lack of sleep too? I had terrible nightmares about awful things happening to LO and strange waking dreams too (probably also due to lack of sleep) and did worry a lot about SIDS in the first few weeks but it eased off around 3 weeks. Everyone is different though. Try to relax and catch up on sleep even if that means lying down at 10am whilst baby naps - even if you cant actually drift off, still lie down and relax to quiet music or just listen to the birds. Slight anxiety can be made much worse by lack of sleep and other stress so it is really important to get some relaxation time and as much sleep as you can. Don't stay up late watching TV, just go to bed as soon as LO is down to sleep.

Yes, fairly normal I would think.
I have become preoccupied with ME dying too though. I have looked at each baby when they are small and worried that if I died now they would never know how much I loved them and may never be loved enough by other people

It passes though. If it starts interfering in your normal life I think you should speak to someone as it could be PND.

I think it's something that comes with parenthood tbh.

It eases, but never really goes and is all part and parcel of the responsibility of raising a child. It's evolutionary too - if we didn't worry about the safety of our children they could come to all sorts of harm and we wouldn't care enough to protect them.

So it's not pleasant, but it's natural. And if you're a worrisome sort of person it's going to affect you more (as it does me because I worry about everything).

But as others have said, if it's affecting the enjoyment of your child, please think about seeking help.

yup, it gets less intense as your hormones settle, but a certain level of that is just part of the mum worry that you'll have from now on

if it is affecting your behavioiur talk to someone x

Im nearly sure it was on the PND questionnaire the HV asked me to fill in after DD was born.

I think everyone feels like that to an extent though. I used to put my hand on DDs chest gently during the night to see if she was still breathing.

If it starts to become a constant worry and doesnt ease in a few weeks mention it to your HV.

I've been told that I'm odd by some people as I never had this until a friend of mine asked if I'd stopped checking on DD during the night to check whether she's breathing or not. I know that cot deaths happen but having checked out the guidelines and followed them, I figured it was probably ok.

I think it helps to think as rationally as you can about it. Even if you didn't have DD, going out in your car, there's a risk that you may have an accident but the chance is actually quite small. Now put DD into the same picture and you'll see that you're worrying about nothing.

It was normal for me. I would walk along the landing and see in my mind's eys, DD falling over the banister on a loop. And more extreme events in other rooms in the house (eg. kitchen). It passed with all 3 and now happens very occasionally.

Yes, I worry too, about DS dying, and about me or DH dying and DS not remembering us or knowing how much we love him.

I think it's totally natural, as basically I have never loved someone as much as I love my DS.

It doesn't affect my normal life, but I do sometimes have these thoughts when I don't want them - we were on holiday having just a brilliant time on the beach and DS and DH were shreiking with laughter and I thought "oh god, what if we die on the way home, they'll be no one to remember this lovely day"

I'm a morbid son of a bitch.

I was the same when my lo was born. Would Be really annoyed with hubby if he fell asleep at same time as me in case something happened. Unrealistically expected some kind of shift system I think. I even made sure I put a blanket in a contrasting colour to her baby grow as made it easier to see if she was still breathing ifyswim. I'm much better now - she's nearly a year. Still feel reassured by the monitor but don't know how much longer we'll be able to use it cause she rolls off it quite a bit now. Like the others have said to worry is normal but if it becomes all co aiming and stops you enjoying your baby then i would talk to someone. Congrats on your baby.

Yes, very normal. At first i saw danger and freak accidents everywhere. It does dissipate more as they get older, though i still have occasional bouts of excessive worry about things that aren't very likely to happen, but still could. Like last night i ended up shutting my DS's window in case someone came in and took him in the night. He's 21 months old and i'm not normally a worrier in this sense. Poor little lamb was half baked by this morning. I just got a thought in my head and couldn't shake it. I'm guessing it's healthy motherly protectiveness, though if it was at the point where i worried relentlessly and excessively about everything i would seek help. Funny thing, motherhood. You love them so much you'd do anything and everything within your power to keep them safe and happy - including giving up your own life to protect them. Normal and healthy. But if it doesn't relent over time then by all means speak to your doctor about your concerns.