I constantly worry that DD is going to die. Is this normal?

[SilverSage]

I'm a first time mum to a 9 week old DD, and I find I'm constantly worried that she's going to die. If she sleeps longer than normal I instantly think that she's died from cot death. If we go out in the car I worry that another driver will hit us from the side and crush her, if I'm walking down the stairs with her I worry that I'm going to slip and drop her...You get the picture. It's not stopping me from living my life or doing normal things with her, it's just a constant worry in the back of my mind. Is this normal?

Oh, and i used to worry about dropping him downstairs or falling on top of him all the time. A few weeks ago he fell all the way from the top of the stairs to the bottom. Luckily he bounced.

I had this too. Spoke to my HV and she mentioned it is a heightened levels of anxiety, just another one of those funny things that affect some after birth. I became absolutely and ridiculously paranoid about my DS being in the kitchen incase he came near something dangerous as well as the fear of cot death. As many have said I found mine started to gradually ease away after 3/4 months. He is now 15mths and I still have a fleeting episodes but it's just a side effect of the overwhelming love and protection you are feeling for your LO.

I don't think it is normal ! Occasionally I might have a short-term concern if they were very quiet when asleep - but that was very quickly checked.

It sounds you have got reality (as in how often those things really happen) out of perspective. The chances of those things happening to you are vanishingly small. Try and relax a bit.

Completely normal. I did it all the time when DD was tiny- and still do now, occasionally and she's a whirlwind 2.7!

If you want crackers - try this: When DD was tiny, DH used to make comments like 'oh, shush, you, or I'll leave you here (in the town centre) for someone to find and take you to the Cats home'.

He was joking, but all I could see - and I mean see - was my tiny newborn being abandoned in the middle of the town, at night, in the pouring, freezing rain (it was February!) and crying her heart out with no-one around.

I asked him to stop - I even posted on here about it (and got told I was daft, I'm glad you're getting a gentler response!) - and it wasn't until I dissolved into a hysterical puddle outside Asda that he 'got' that it was different for me, and stopped. He did point out I was being ridiculous though, and he was right.

As long as you know the feeling is extreme and can breathe through it, you're fine. If it ever stops being that, and you can't settle it down, don't be ashamed to ask for help.

I posted something very similar on this a while ago - and got similar reassuring responses!!! I think it's very normal - I regularly keep myself awake worrying about all of the horrific things that could happen to my dd - and I imagine it's going to get worse as new dc is due in October!

It's horrible and distressing, but I think you just have to try and rationalise it in your own head if you can, and you do learn to deal with it - and also as they get older and the risks change, you realise that the worries you've just got over (i.e. you'll stop worrying about cot death in time) were unwarranted, and this helps you deal with the current worries more sensibly.

Hope you manage to relax a bit, I'm sure you will - deep breaths!!

Yep, I get this. I see flashes of things happening in my mind like a video playing. For instance I imagine dropping ds3 or falling down the stairs. I've had it with all 3 and it eases over time but you still get flashes now and again.

I mentioned it to my sil who's a psychologist and she said its a kind of survival thing, makes you extra alert so you protect lo

I am now an expert in avoidance with this stuff. Whenever i hear an interview with parents who begin by saying "We just never thought it would happen to us" I switch the TV over/ off. Otherwise i become overwhelmed with emotion and i know it's not rational. I still cannot willingly subject myself to listening to things like that.

I think it's normal too, especially with your first. As you mentioned, as long as its not stopping you living your life then i reckon it's fine.

I still put my hand on the chest of all my boys when they're sleeping to be sure they're breathing & they're 5, 3 & 1 so don't think it ever fully goes away

Ive got 6 dcs and have suffered form this since the day dd1 was born 33 years ago.
I still have flashes even now, although its car crashes these days,rather than cot deaths,I have learnt to control it more as ive got older though.

Yeah, the flashes seem to change as they get older. I now worry about ds2 (2yo) falling down stone steps and ds1 (4yo) running in front of cars. I usually just try and ignore the thoughts then think of something else

I get this too with DD even though she is almost 2, visions of terrible things happening. I'm actually crying now because of ginnybag's post, that was something I used to imagine too, my DD alone and crying, I know there have been joking threads on MN in the past about people forgetting they have a baby and leaving them in the pram in a shop etc, I was convinced that would happen to me and something awful would happen to DD because of it, I even had a horrible nightmare about it. I was also convinced that when she was a newborn she wouldn't survive the night on christmas eve/through to christmas morning for some reason, of course she did, I've also worried whenever there has been a 13 in her age (13 days, weeks, months old) even though logically I know that every adult person I know has survived all the "13's" it just gives me an awful feeling, I sound totally unhinged now don't I .

I think it is normal too - I certainly had it. I also worried that I was going to die and leave her helpless and motherless. On the night we bought her home I had an achy pain in my leg and started to feel anxious. Hubby caught me crying and asked what was wrong and I blurted out 'I have a dvt. I have just had my baby and now I am going to die'. I sobbed hysterically and poor hubby did not know what to do! The only thing that I would say is that if you are finding it all too much go and see your gp. My sister had the same thing but felt it was too much to cope with and spent a few weeks on a low dose antibiotics until she felt better. x

My ds is nearly 8 months and I still check he is breathing at night. My paramedic brother says that if he is pink then he is breathing . I still imagine scenarios of danger, and even my husband wakes me up patting the duvet as he is dreaming that the boy is in our bed and will fall out. I hope it is normal! I was having a bit of a worry today as my friend was late back with my ds after babysitting for the day and I heard police sirens in the village. I thought to myself if I am worried now what will I be like when he is 17/18 and is out driving himself around! I think that is part of being a mummy, we will never stop worrying now.

Very normal. My mother panics if I haven't phoned for 48hrs, my father worries everytime we drive to their house... My grandmother was worried my father and aunt were going to die right up until the day she herself died... Guess that's parenthood!

wingding I'm 33 and still always call/ text my mum to say i've arrived safely somewhere. Last time i did it was a few weeks ago. It was a hastily arranged trip and my mum didn't even know i was going anywhere until i texted to say i'd arrived! My DS is on his first seaside trip without me today, with his CM. It's a 2 hour journey each way and i've had a queasy feeling in my stomach all day so far and will only relax once he's home safe and sound.