Why do mums do this?

[LittleSugaPlum]

I ve been with DH for just over 12 months and married for just over 1 month.

He has two children aged 8 and 10 from a previous relationship who visit us every saturday for a full day.

Im currently 7 months pregnant with my first child. The childrens mother has been in a relationship for the past few years and is also expecting another baby.

However ever since meeting DH, his ex has had a big problem with me, (to this day i have never spoken to her, seen her or met her).

From the very start she has sent some horrible text messages about me calling me allsort, it all started within 2 weeks of me meeting DH. (Before i had met the children).

The has carried on ever since. If she isnt happy with something maybe childrens arrangements or anything like that, im always brought into it by her. (My DH has never mentioned her partner ever).

However now its started with her saying horrible things about me to the kids. (The kids tell me that their mummy is always saying very nasty things about me, but never about DH).

I have noticed that when the kids now visit, they avoid me, look uncomfortable, and never say hello.

So my question is Why do mums have this bitterness towards their exp new partners?

I have been reading on step parenting for quite sometime and it appears to be a very commom thing.

Is it because they dont want a sort of "mother figure" apart from them in their childrens lives?

I am a step daughter, step mum and mum, and I can see how a split can make people bitter and extremely hurt to the point where the presence of a new partner is torture - especially if your beloved children seem to like this other person! What makes me so angry (and my mother did this too) is when parents involve the children in their bitterness as it must be so confusing and hurtful for them. Your DH needs to try and talk to her on behalf of the children, she is the parent/adult and needs to start behaving as such. Maybe some family mediation would help? I was very lucky in that my DH's ex did not take against me, but they fought a lot in front of the kids and it took me a long time to get him to realise how damaging this was for them. Keep working at it, as the kids get older they will realise what she is doing, but I hope she sorts herself out before then!

If you were not the reason for the split between her and you DH then she needs to grow up.

Play her at her own game slag off her DP

Your DH's ex is obviously hurting and perhaps a bit jealous, but to involve the children is, in my opinion, unacceptable and will cause them to have emotional issues in the future. I'm a step-child and a step-mum (and a mum) so I know how difficult these situations can be. I think your DH needs to try and talk to her about involving the children as you will be in lives a long time. I spent years trying to convince my DH not to argue with his ex in front of the kids, thankfully we all got past it. My mum was a bitter ex too and I bore the brunt of it. Support the children and explain that none of it is their fault, be the voice of reason and hopefully she'll see sense!

I have mentioned to DH about mentioning to the exp about keeping her thoughts to herself about me infront of the kids.
His reply was:

"Well i dont want her to know that the kids are telling us stuff, as the kids will get introuble for that and i dont want the kids to feel that they have to watch what they say when they are here or feel like they have to keep secrets from us, as she will still call you in front of the kids, but will tell them to not say anything"