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Parenting

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Original poster

Why parenthood is so difficult today

43 replies

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:27

See this article in today's Grauniad. I broadly agree. Do others? \link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1725350,00.html\here}

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SenoraPostrophe · 07/03/2006 15:32

read half and then stopped reading. I hate it when jounalists talk about "society" when really they mean themselves and their friends. no, partenthood is not difficult today (or at least, it's no more difficult than it ever was), and no, people do not get obsessed with childcare etc while still pregnant. at least they don't do that in my experience, but then i don't know many journalists.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:33

Actually, Bunting, unlike most journos today, actually does research, goes to conferences and reads books. I think there is a lot of truth in this analysis.

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Callisto · 07/03/2006 15:36

Typical guardian. When I was pregnant everyone was happy for me. It is about priorities and if having this season's winter coat is a priority don't have kids.

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dinosaur · 07/03/2006 15:36

Thought it was good, actually.

SenoraPostrophe · 07/03/2006 15:36

do you think I should read the other half then?

I will, but later as I should be working/juggling childcare commitments

Kathy1972 · 07/03/2006 15:37

There was a lot I liked in this.
For example:
"But the whole debate about women's place in work is lopsided. They are not failures but astonishing successes. What gets missed out of the equation is that mothers' productivity is staggeringly high"

oliveoil · 07/03/2006 15:38

I thought it a bit hard going and didn't really agree it.

But I hate The Guardian so maybe reading through peevish eyes.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:39

The coat remark was silly. The more serious point about getting sidelined in the workplace is right. It's happening to me right now.

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Callisto · 07/03/2006 15:39

I hate the guardian too. It is always full of shite nothing articles like this and yet it seems most of MN reads it.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:40

Callisto - what paper do you read?

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Callisto · 07/03/2006 15:40

Ooooh, being fatuous am I? Parp myself off then.

Callisto · 07/03/2006 15:41

Torygraph, sometimes Times and NOTW for a treat.

Kathy1972 · 07/03/2006 15:43

OK the style is a bit irritating - when she says 'you' did this and you think, um, no, actually I didn't.
But I think the thing about society, or at least the media, valuing certain characteristics ('sassy, independent, self-assertive, knowing-what-youwant- and-how-to-get-it') which are not the ones you need as a parent has some truth in it.

oliveoil · 07/03/2006 15:43

Times for me and a local rag.

Bozza · 07/03/2006 15:43

Some of it good, some of it rubbish. There is more to being a consumer than buying the latest season's coat. Think she should read the "how many pushchairs do you have" thread on here.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:44

Yes, that's what I thought was right. And that becoming a parenthood involves embracing a very different set of values, which are not actually functional in this society.

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moondog · 07/03/2006 15:45

Spot on SP with your comments about journalists' versions of society.
God it's soooo predictable.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:45

A parent.

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Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:46

OK, critics. What's your explanation of the 90 000-gap between the number of children women say they want and the number they have?

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Callisto · 07/03/2006 15:46

"becoming a parenthood involves embracing a very different set of values, which are not actually functional in this society"

I know I parped myself, but do you really believe this OM?

Bozza · 07/03/2006 15:47

Good point about how productive mothers are though. Previously I did my job in 37.5 hours, and did half the cleaning of a small, clean house and cooked for two. Now I do the same job in 22.5 hours, do 3/4 cleaning of a largeish, dirty (can't think why..)house, cook for 4 and do 80% of childcare for a 5 and 1 yo (apart from when working).

CountessDracula · 07/03/2006 15:49

"In other words, the self we are encouraged to develop through much of our education system and early adulthood is of no use whatsoever to a new parent. What use is that sassy, independent, self-assertive, knowing-what-youwant- and-how-to-get-it type when you fast forward five years to the emotional labour of helping a child develop selfconfidence? Once there's a baby in the cot, you need steadiness, loyalty, endurance, patience, sensitivity and even self-denial - all the characteristics that you've spent the previous decade trashing as dull or, even worse, for losers"

This sounds like rubbish to me, surely the former attributes are necessary in your 20s/early 30s when building your career, then you can take your foot off the pedal and mature a bit and become a bit more of the latter. Just because you are a go-getter doesn't mean you can't be dependable and sensitive too.

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:49

Yes I do, actually. One example, which the dreaded Bunting uses, is the long-hours culture, which is incompatible with parenthood.

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CountessDracula · 07/03/2006 15:49

oldiemum like all statistics it is invented or based on a poll of 3 people!

Original poster

OldieMum · 07/03/2006 15:50

CD - are you assuming women have children in their late 30?

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