'late' potty training....

[Scarredbutnotbroken]

Are there any actual risks? Gearing up for an argument with exp.
Dd is 2.8. Potty training has always been contentious as exp thinks its a race. I was starting to think dd might be ready as she is talking about it lots and I got her s step stool and ordered her loo seat inserts. I was thinking about starting in the next week or do until this evening. Dd was naked straight out of the bath and helping me out her laundry away. I said to her 'please tell me of you want a wee' she wee'd on the carpet about 3 minutes layer and seemed totally unable to control it - I did lots of reassurance that it doesn't matter etc etc. I am of the belief that they can either control their bladder even for a short period or they can't and I'm pretty sure dd just can't yet.
I'm
Looking for reassurance and evidence if you have it that waiting a bit longer won't do her any harm.

I didn't do ds until 3years 4 months.
Various reasons, it just didn't fit.

He got it in 2 days. Straight into pants and on the toilet. Dry at night within 4 weeks. No problems since. :)

I left all mine until they initiated it. Eldest announced that he wasn't wearing nappies any more on his 3rd birthday, and indeed he didn't. Others were over three, but relatively stress free when the time came. I always preferred changing nappies to clearing up messes....

DS2 couldn't be bothered with potty training and was the last one of his class in pull-ups at pre-school, aged 3.8. We went on holiday armed with new potty and new pants as an incentive. As we arrived he went straight to the loo, sat down on it and weed. A few hours later he was weeing standing-up. And that was that.

Honestly it's not a race. No-one ever claims to be able to wee better than anyone else, do they?

My eldest dd was 2.9 when she trained and by far the easiest of my older three dc to train. My dts are 2.9 now and are on board with the theory but not interested in putting it into practise in the slightest. There is no right time to potty train and I do think that it isn't something you can actually do to a child, more that it is something that a child does in their own time.

My DS was about 3 and a half and showed no interest in potty training, wouldn't even consider sitting on the toilet. We had a week of wees that were so large they soaked the nappy, squirted sideways out, soaked his trousers and left a puddle on the floor! I lost it one morning and sent him to nursey in pants with a bag containing every pair of pants and trousers he owned. 4 wet pairs of pants that day and he basically got it that day. Was dry overnight 2 months later.
My advice would be based on my experience and that of others I know, don't feel pressured to potty train if DD isn't ready, everyone ends up getting very stressed. They all get it eventually, as long as they've got it before they go to school.

thanks all - this is (has always been) my argument - that if you force the issue then potty training can be horrid for all.

i was going to start soon but now im thinking i will wait longer. exp works away and only has contact when he is home. i have realised if i do it when we are leading up to contact (now) that at best this will be confusing for dd and at worst he will cock it up - wont watch her carefully enough to avoid accidents - be impatient with her and so on. i will wait until he goes again to give dd a few weeks and half a chance to get it.

i was just wondering how far he can push it and whether its osmething he could get a section 8 order about or whether his solicitor would laugh in his face ? (sounds ridiculous i know but exp will consider this) sigh

Honestly to me 2.8 is not late for potty training. I trained DD the week before her third birthday and after two soaking days she got it and all in all was pretty stress free. I have only just done night training at 4.5 and again stress free. I sometimes think it depends on how good their speech and understanding is - I tried at 2.5 and it was a dismal failure and thinking back that extra six months bought her speech on so well it was worth waiting.

I have no experience of court orders etc but I am pretty sure a solicitor would laugh in his face as well.

Both my first 2 dc's were late and I've only just managed to persuade dc2 to try to be dry on a night she was adamant she would wait until she was 5 she starts school in sept I used that as an incentive. I'm considering taking a different approach with dc3 (currently 10MO) and having a go sooner. We took the admittedly lazy route with ds and dd1 and just left them to it. They all pick it up eventually.

thanks katy - i have asked other mums with older kids in rl and no one has said - oh i wish we had done it sooner though plenty wished they ha waited!

We tried DS1 at 2.8yrs last october and he got quite distressed by it - so we decided to leave it until he initiated it. We talked about using the toilet or potty, not wearing nappies anymore etc. and periodically asked if he wanted to sit on the potty or toilet (e.g before bath time) but not pushing it when he said no.

Just after Easter this year he walked into my bedroom with a nappy bag and a pair of pants an announced that he no longer wore nappies, took his nappy off and bagged it and put his pants on. I asked him if he was sure, if he was going to go to the potty/toilet when he needed, he said yes and that was that. We were out and about at the shops the same afternoon. That was when he was 3.2yrs.

At the end of the pre-school term earlier this month, quite a few of his peers were still in nappies/pull-ups.

With my DS1 i tried at 2.0 as that is when everyone said he 'should' be potty trained. I gave up after a week of cleaning up pee from everywhere and could not keep up with the change of pants and trousers!. At 2.10 i tried again, having armed myself with Gina Ford how to potty train in a week....and looked thorugh the vital signs to indicate if child is ready. He was. I followed the book and it worked in a couple of days. Dry day and night.

DD2 was much earlier (about 2.0) and got the hang of it very quickly but again she was ready (going by the signs in the book!).

My own view is to wait until they are ready and 3 is not late. I have friends who claim their DC is potty trained but 7 months down the line they are still having frequent accidents so in my view they are not! (or course all children will have some accidents but they should be quite rare)

If you wait until they are ready it really will be easier for everyone once potty training does commence!

I can vouch for it being stress-free. I left all mine to their own devices, and had maybe 2 or 3 accidents between them. And I never felt the need to carry a potty or spare clothes out and about.

Stick with your gut feelings about it.

2.8 isn't late. If she wants to do it, that's a very good sign. Even when they are ready, they won't always get the hang of it immediately. So just because she weed on the floor, doesn't necessarily mean she can't control it. So she might or might not be ready, but waiting longer won't hurt.

If I had my time again with ds I would not bother training and would leave it as late as possible so he had as much control as possible.

Well he's going to force the issue. Dd came back from contact practically lecturing me that she was ready and getting a potty at exp's house. If its a case of having it around in case she decides to use it then that's fine bit it's also not exp style. I am seriously worried dd will end up v confused and upset -bring potty trained by separated parents who have no contact is surely a rubbish idea? Please help

I don't think it will do any harm to leave her longer but I wouldn't take her weeing on the floor 5 minutes into your first attempt as a sign that she is not ready either. Most children will have several accidents in the first few days. My older dcs all initiated it themselves but they all had quite a few accidents at first. Youngest, who I pushed had a 100% failure rate for the first 4 days but then was totally fine after that, even managing to wait when we were out. I almost gave up after the first day with him but I'm glad I didn't.

X-posts.

I think you are worrying about this more than you need to. She is talking about it, she is 2.8, there is a really good chance that she could be fully potty trained in a day or two. Most children are potty trained quickly and without becoming confused or upset. It is really surprising at first how long they can actually hold on for once they get the hang of it. It doesn't matter if they have a few accidents at first. Its not a race in terms of age but its also not a race in terms of who can be fully trained with the fewest number of accidents. Your ex sounds like a knob but she does sound like she might be ready.

I would go with your ex for the sake of keeping continuity for your dd. You are right but it's not worth the stress on your dd to fight this IMHO

It's not really that it's more I don't want exp doing the training since it will only be some input as they have 1.5 days contact a week. I has planned to wait until there was a gap when I'm on mat leave soon and exp is away so dd and I could just hang out at home for a few days or longer and do this in a relaxed calm way. I really want this to be calm for her. I don't trust exp with this and she has been through so much trauma in the last few months. She isn't really talking about it though - she announced it yesterday because exp will have been going on about it. That's the first mention of any loo related subjects in ages and she's showed no interest in her potty here for ages.

Buggy runner - I thought about just doing it now to get it over with but he is home and will have contact twice a week. One thing I'm damn sure of is that it's not z good idea to let him be involved at the start. When I do it I will keep her home for a few days then let nursery carry on with it. Having 3 different places doing it with her is just too much

My DD hit most of her milestones early but just wouldn't contemplate coming out of nappies until 1 week past her 3rd birthday when she suddenly asked to put her pants on. One wee accident that day and one the following day, never ever had a poo accident. Immediately she could take herself to the potty or loo, sort her trousers, wash her hands etc. She could also go for several hours without needing the loo, so it was absolutely stress free.

I was so worried in the run up that she would never get it, almost all of her peers were trained and she could chat merrily about the process, but just refused to try, don't know what caused the switch to flick. I found it hard to believe all th people who were telling me she would do it when she was ready but they were right.

Strawberrie - I have heard other experiences like yours and I really support waiting until they are ready. This is how I approach parenting in general - I didn't push dd off the boob/on to solids/in to her own bed etc - I certainly never planned to force her out of nappies plus only one of her 6 friends is potty trained either. Of course this isn't really about nappies it's a control issue between ex and I but I just want the best for dd

I also second waiting until they are ready - started at 2 and 4 months with DD1 due to peer pressure (me caving in...) - it was hopeless. 2 months later she refused the nappy and was dry, clean and going independently to the toilet within a week. Night time took longer, but no big deal.

With DD2 we waited for the nappy refusal and the same thing happened - it was totally stress free.

Your ex is being an arse.

Thanks folks v reassuring to know I not BU. I think May chat to the HV about it Judy to get some back up if this gets ugly