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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone given the dummy back after the dummy fairy took it? I am losing the will to live

32 replies

raininginbaltimore · 27/07/2012 19:34

DS is 2.10. Two weeks ago he talked about giving up his dummy. Lots of friends have given it up recently. So we did the dummy fairy and he got a dinosaur toy he wanted.

I am 37 weeks pregnant and this week has been exhausting. He hasn't gone to sleep before 8.30pm-9pm all week. He just starts screaming that he doesn't want to go to bed and I spend my whole evening on the landing, returning him to bed while he wails.

I have tried teddies, the kissing game (that I read about on here), staying in his bed with him (all he does is chat and poke me, never goes to sleep). last night at 8.45pm I caved and let him into our bed where after half an hour he finally collapsed asleep.

I don't know what to do. I am exhausted. He hates me (keeps shouting that he doesn't want me), can't stand leaving him to cry it out, but going back in or putting him back winds him up again and it starts over.

Do I ride it out? Will it get better? Or do I need to give the dummy back? I am reticent to do that as surely that defeats the purpose of the dummy fairy? Someone did suggest I could write a note from her and leave one as a special treat for bed time and try again at Christmas.

ARGH. Please help

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JarethTheGoblinKing · 27/07/2012 19:38

Noooo don't give it back - you'll end up going through all this again but with another child joining in the screaming match.

tbh - I'd put him in bed, lots of cuddles, but then the rapid return thing (so he knows you're there). It WILL get better - does he have a toy that he has in bed with him as a comforter?

Original poster

raininginbaltimore · 27/07/2012 19:42

He has a million toys! He has never had one that he likes in particular- he goes through phases. I tried asking him which ones he would like, but he uses it as a time waster- he isn't daft. And then when he gets up for the eventy-millionth time he says he doesn't want the rabbit, he wants the dog. Then another time he wants the bear, then the monkey.

I have basically been doing rapid return but has been taking hours every night. And he screams and kicks me and tells me he doesn't want me :(

OP posts:

porthcurnick · 27/07/2012 19:53

So you have been trying for 2 weeks and it's not working, and you are 37 weeks pregnant, dear lord, give it back to him

Seriously he dosen't sound ready, perhaps with the other changes in his little life, it's too much at the moment.

But then I didn't bother with the whole fairy rubbish story, by 2 1/2 years DS used to leave dummy in his bed so he didn't use it in the day and then at around 3 1/2 maybe 4 years he just gave it up naturally with no crying or fuss at all.

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lizzybennet · 27/07/2012 19:59

I would also give it back too. My daughter just gave up using hers when she was about 3.5 years no fuss or tears, she just decided she was too old for it.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/07/2012 20:00

I'm with Porthcurnick. Give the poor little beggar back his comforter. He'll give it up when he's good and ready. Very few children take them to school.

Mamamaiasaura · 27/07/2012 20:03

I agree give it back x

Original poster

raininginbaltimore · 27/07/2012 20:23

Thanks.

Our other reasons for ditching was he was refusing to leave it in bed and asking for it at other times of day, in afternoon when tired, when hurt, after a tantrum. Also worried about his speech and teeth.

I hadn't planned on doing it now but he asked. Now I feel terrible. If I give it back, won't that mean I won't be able to do it again

OP posts:

SummerRain · 27/07/2012 20:29

Give it back, my older two gave their to Santa when the were 3.5 and almost 4 and never looked for then again. Ds2 handed me his one morning when he was almost 3 and never looked for it again

If he's still upset he's not ready, and you can not keep going like this with another baby due in weeks. Give it back!

wheredidiputit · 27/07/2012 20:36

Give it back.

I tried to take dd2 dummy at that age and she wasn't ready. To be fair she did only have at night. 6 mths later she gave them up by herself.

wheredidiputit · 27/07/2012 20:38

Summer I tried the giving them to Santa, and getting a special present back. She asked for new dummies .

Fiveflowers · 27/07/2012 20:40

I tried one Christmas.

DS's dummy was left in his empty stocking for Santa to take away and leave a special toy. On Christmas morning (!) the special toy was ignored and we had floods of tears from DS.

Luckily we 'found' another dummy and gave it to him - he finally gave it up when he was about four.

I'd give it back.

Pannacotta · 27/07/2012 20:46

Give it bacfk (or a new one instead) and let him give hit up when he is ready.
Choose your battles!

IWanders · 27/07/2012 20:52

Ok, we have done this with our just 2 year old but we used bye bye binky technique suggested by a friend. It took our ds a few weeks to stop screaming and fall asleep usually by his door (honestly he never screamed for more than 10 mins and it was anger and tiredness not distress) I am 30 weeks pregnant and persevered as I hate over 2s with pacifiers.
He then went through a few weeks of going to bed fine and waking up early and being grouchy but now he's fine.
I would ride it out, all the best as I know how hard this is.

LadyKA · 27/07/2012 23:37

It does not seem like the best time to stop him from using the dummy. Are you planning to use dummies when you give birth for the new born? If so give it back to him. It will take him a very long time to get over it if the new born will be using them. Will he understand that dummies are for babies?

Original poster

raininginbaltimore · 28/07/2012 09:04

I don't want to use a dummy for the baby if I can help it- don't want to GP through this again.

Dh is reluctant to give it back. He actually fell asleep at 7.30pm last night with a little bit if crying (I kept going in and reassuring him)

I have told Dh I will give it until end of weekend and if no improvement I will buy one new dummy that is specially for bedtime. I just really worry about his teeth and him asking at other times.

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SugarBatty · 28/07/2012 09:10

Let dh do the bedtime then! You sit downstairs shut the living room door put your feet up with a cuppa and a biscuit.

hairylemon · 28/07/2012 09:13

Id give it back, you don't need the hassle when pg and his little world is going to change for him very soon as it is. Maybe when baby is a bit older give it another go

GwendolineMaryLacey · 28/07/2012 09:19

I really don't understand this. He's a baby fgs. We've been told by three different dentists not to worry about dd1's teeth (she had a bottle till gone 3 and now sucks her thumb). The time to worry is if they do it with their second teeth. Her speech is fine. There are do many serious things to get your knickers in a knot about, this isn't one of them.

Original poster

raininginbaltimore · 28/07/2012 09:37

It was a dentist that told me he shouldn't have it past 2yrs. His speech is ok, but his pronunciation is still struggling. A lot of the time Dh and I are the only ones that can understand him.

I'll buy him one new one that is only for bedtime.

OP posts:

SummerRain · 28/07/2012 11:16

dd was 3.11 and ds1 was 3.6 when they gave theirs up, they had impeccably clear speech from a year old. They would hold the dummy in the sides of their mouths and speak around them perfectly clearly.

ds2 was 2.10 when he handed me his and onlyu started talking the month before, he's still under SALT due to missing sounds.... completely unrelated to the dummy. Even the SALT weren't pushed about it, at one point when he was 1 we were actually told to encourage it as he wasn't sucking correctly and his mouth needed exercise.

Dummies can compound and existing issue, but they aren't necessarily the cause of the problem.

LadyKA · 28/07/2012 12:35

OP dont go back to using the dummy then, he will soon forget about it. Sometimes it does take a little bit of time.

wellwisher · 28/07/2012 12:54

Stand your ground and don't give it back - will be confusing for him. Stick with rapid return. Do you have a DP that you can alternate nights with? You must be knackered :(

welliwouldnt · 28/07/2012 13:31

poor you. We had dummy enthusiasts here too. DD still had hers about the same age as your son when the baby arrived. It was only used at bed time. We gave the baby a dummy and soon found DD wasn't as interested in hers within a month or two, as she saw it as babyish and gave it up without a fuss when we were in a more settled period.

Managed to get dummy off 'the baby' around age 3 without the need to have DC3!

I appreciate your reluctance to give in having gone this far. To answer your question the dummy fairy never had to make a return visit but we did wait a while before summoning her!

I couldn't advise you one way or another as you know your child best but I know what I would do!

Tee2072 · 28/07/2012 13:54

Of course sometimes you're the only ones who can understand him...he's 2.10.

And my dentist contradicts your dentist.

Give it back. It's cruel not to.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 28/07/2012 14:26

Still reckon you should stick with it.. at least for a couple more days. You're over the worst bit now and I think it would be mean to give it back to him and then have to go through all of this again in 6 months/a year/whatever. You've already done the mean bit and he'll have forgotten all about it for much longer.

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