Help me figure out my 8 month old before I kill myself with frustration :(

[Mysaucepansdontmatch]

Help. My beautiful 8 month old dd2 is driving me, DH and dd1 crazy. She is non stop miserable and frustrated.

She moans CONSTANTLY and it is fucking constant. Crying whingeing fretting and shouting, all the damn time. I have at times screamed in frustration with her. Dd1 (7) cried. DH gets cross and has to go outside.

I just don't know what is wrong with her. I know it's the usual teething etc and hot weather plus weaning wearing her out but Jesus I think something else is there underneath.

I am trying so hard to be a good mum and give both the girls a stimulating and calming environment but for the last fortnight I feel I have run out of steam with dd2. I cuddle her and she writhes away moaning. All she wants is to be carried up and down the garden and through the house. DH spends all out evenings doing this. We are both exhausted and getting depressed about it. Help us please.

Well, if you want to call tonight the night ( and it's not too late..) put DD1 in front of a DVD. Feed DD2 and once she is finished put her in her cot, shushing and patting while she goes to sleep, this could take a long time but ride it out, it will work!!

Took her up at seven for breastfeed and cuddle. She went to sleep. I came down and ate my tea, but by twenty to eight she was crying. I have been bf and cuddling to sleep for past hour. Managed to get downstairs twice, this is my second attempt. She is so hot bless her but prefers to sleep cuddled up so it's a battle to stop her getting sweaty.

The only problem is she is now asleep on our bed. I have to lie beside her as she works herself into such a state. Sometimes if she goes in a deep enough sleep I can move her but I don't usually attempt this until we go to bed and I'm loathe to rock the boat at the moment!

She is awake again! DH has gone up while I drink my cuppa. Wine seems a long way away :(

Perhaps part of the problem is that she is reliant on being cuddled and bf to sleep and she can't actually relax herself to sleep?

I'm trying my best random. If you can accept that then go and preach at someone else. Bf is the only way she can settle as she is teething. Not ideal but there we go.

Wasn't a criticism, sorry it came across like that.

She could be one of those babies that really really suffers when she teeths.

One of mine had EVERYTHING teething powders, ibuprofen, paractemol and anbesol liquid and we still had a nightmare time of it.

Have you tried the damp flannel in the fridge to teeth on?

Oh my God. This is EXACTLY the same problem I am having with my 8 month & 1 week old daughter (I could have wrote all your posts OP)

Only difference is, this is my first child.

Not sure what do do / never sure what is the matter. The fighting and kicking when feeding is driving me insane at the minute.

Am trying to get sleep pattern / naps sorted and get out of the routine of breastfeeding her on / in our bed. My joints ache from lying feeding her in the night but i'm too tired sometimes to do anything else.

Other than being a generally needy and frustrated baby, I had generally come to the conclusion that as a bad sleeper, it was a developmental / overtiredness problem and am hoping she gros out of it like other posters have said.

So, I can offer my sympathy and support if that helps at all.

Best go for now as dinner in the oven. Have to be as quiet as a mouse otherwise she will wake up. Will watch with interest and be back soon.

have you tried lying her down and shh patting? DD is bf and was awful about going down and sleeping through til about 9mo (now 14 mo) until I cracked and decided to try something new. Apologies if this is something you've tried.

Everything feels like a criticism [overtired emoticon]

DH is snapping at both kids and he has only had two hours of it

He is making everything worse moping about like a dick head because she is interrupting top gear!

Dd1 is golden, she keeps patting my back because she knows I'm so tired but we are having lovely cuddles with her so that's ok.

I know I need to stop feeding her to sleep, it is driven out of desperation.

She won't have dummy, bottle or any kind of plastic in her mouth apart from a spoon!

I feel your pain and frustration, OP. I just started another thread in Behaviour/Development about why my 9 month old is suddenly throwing monster tantrums so your thread jumped out at me... What is with this 8/9 month age?? Aren't things supposed to get better not worse with babies?

My DS is more unsettled now than ever before, always grumping and whinging and screaming at me. Yesterday he would NOT go to bed at all. Just screamed when I put him down and sobbed his heart out to the point where I thought he was going to be sick so I took him up and let him sit up in the living room until he was exhausted enough to go to bed without protest. Then he woke me up at 2:15am anyway, screaming the house down again - pain relief, feeding, cuddling, carrying, nothing made a difference, he just screamed for 2 hours straight until I was ready to scream too. I have a flu I'm trying to recover from at the moment and can't shake it off because he won't let me sleep. It's exhausting.

All I can say is that it seems to be a developmental phase where they learn separation anxiety at this age so don't want to be left alone. My DS literally screams if I just put him down on the floor for a second because I need to go to the loo or wash my hands or whatever. That's probably why your DD likes being carried around (my DS loves that too). Could you try a sling in the house so you're more mobile? I don't know to be honest. It seems like a hellish phase because they're frustrated that they can't walk and do all these things they want to do - I just hope to Christ it gets better at some point. I want my nice happy baby back...

Keep settling. It will work!!! It is hard. It will take time. It will be worth it. 8 months is actually a good time to teach these skills.

You will not get a full night sleep straight away but she will learn to relax more and you will all benefit. Take it in shifts with your DH. The weekend is a really good time to start.

Think ahead now and plan what time you will feed her again.

Well, another shite night. She was fetched down around 9.30. I had asked DH to pop up and comfort her while I gulped down my cup of tea, having had her all on my own since 7am.

He shouted at her after about two minutes up there. I then took over and refused to allow him to do anything. In fact any time I went into the kitchen and left her moaning on the rug he huffed and puffed. He said he shouted to get her attention as she was really screaming and not acknowledging his presence. But it gets my back up so much when he can't even keep calm for a little while when I have been keeping a lid on it all day.

He says she is going to split us up as we can't even sit and talk without her in the room. (well if he would be more supportive and helpful I might be more engaging)!

I took her to bed with me around half ten when she was really tired, fed her and placed her in cot. She stayed asleep until sometime just before dawn when she wanted a feed. Sorry no, she wanted a pretend feed, then march around the middle of my bed shouting

DH didn't say goodbye when he left is morning, probably because we were both asleep. He works Saturdays. Oh, and manages a two hour gym session every morning before work so he can't be that tired

I'm just exhausted and dreading the evenings. It's like juggling three children. Trying so hard to keep the baby quiet, not wind DH up, and chatter or play with dd1 and give her some time. All the while feeling like I'm asleep standing up. And it's another boiling hot day (makes dd2even worse I think).

I have planned a little date with my dd1 tonight, we are going to a bat sanctuary at sunset to see the bats and have a guided walk. Dreading how DH is going to handle dd2. I offered to take her in the sling (even though she kills my back) but he said no, it's a trip for dd1 and baby must stay home. I just know I'm going to come home to a really upset dd2 and a stroppy DH :( the three or four times I've ventured out without her we have had horrible rows when I have come home.

Going to the gym everyday when this is what is going on is just NOT on, how dare he when you're at breaking point

If your happy co-sleeping why not go to bed with/next to her at 7ish and then after you've napped get up again and hopefully she will stay asleep for part of the evening so you get a break.

I assume you've had her checked out for viral earache?

I had a horrendous undiagnosed silent reflux (the same one that was a nightmare when teething) it was HELL. Everytime you feed and cuddle/carry her can you enforce a comfort blanket/soft toy on her as well at the same time may take weeks/months for her to form any sort of attachment to it but it could help?

Oh poor you. When it is tough, it is so important to work as a team and constantly remind each other why you are doing what you are doing.

I hope you find a way to talk to each other soon. Have a nice evening with your DD1.

Hi all. Well this is how this morning went.

Dd woke at nine after her antics last night. So I wanted to maximise the day and get out like everyone said, so we got things together and drove to a local supermarket where you can park for three hours free. Then we walked to the park. Dd1 had a great two hours in the sand and water park. Dd2 was well behaved, had a bf then a forty five minute nap in buggy.

We walked to the supermarket and bought a few bits, dd2 was a bit whingey so ave her a snack. We came home and she has had lunch, and a little play with daddy who has also just arrived home. Now she is asleep having had a bf.

To the poster who suggested introducing a specific cuddle toy or blanket at each feed, I think this is a great idea. She will associate it with sleeping. She is currently modelling a cellular blanket with a silky edge which has been in the family for twenty years and has worked on numerous babies so here's hoping!

I plan to let her sleep a good hour and a half to two hours, then possibly a short nap later. I am going to aim for eight o clock bed as seven just didn't work last night. She was asleep for forty minutes then up and worse than ever. Hopefully DH will be on board as he knows dd1 and I are going out.

Good luck OP - sounds like you're on the right track. I forgot to mention the snuggly-thing babies like - this is indeed a great tip. I gave my soft nightgown to DS. He still sleeps with it. He'll lay in bed and take maybe an hour to drift off to sleep all the time playing, twisting, sucking the material. Strange. He really loves it. Yours will work too.

Have a lovely evening out with your dd1. It is so hard to wake a sleeping baby when you are just desperate for some space and sleep yourself. Just try and tackle one thing at a time, hopefully the cuddly will help then you think about your next step.

Good Luck saucepans. I've had another nightmare today with my DD. Taking ages to breastfeeed to sleep then waking up as soon as I move her. Got nothing done again. Wearing me out totally.

So... I too am trying the old family cellular blanky. It''s old and falling to bits, but hopefully there's some magic still left in it. Like passing on magic

Good vibes to you and others in similar situation. Lets keep being positive.

Good luck going out every day certainly helps me the more we are out the better DS sleeps he's 6 months i've not had a day in for 4 months because he's a nightmare if he doesn't have constant stimulation all day.

I don't ever bring him out of his room even if he's awake for an hour he stays in his room i used to bring him into our bed walk him about for ages but a friend told me to stop it for a week see if it helped first week was hell on earth i could have died of tiredness but now he sometimes gets up for 20 mins ish i leave him in the cot with his light projector on by himself then he usually goes back to sleep.

It's so hard having a moany baby friends of mine sit with there happy babies babbling on the knee while DS shouts trying to make the great escape it makes me so jealous.

Hi all and thanks for the good wishes.

Another late night for dd2 unfortunately. I took her to bed at eight with miracle blankly. Then had a quick cup of tea and dd1 and I left for our bat walk.

We got home around eleven to a murderous DH. She had woken about "two minutes" after I left and had cried the whole time for me :( no bottle, no sleep.

So I had to breastfeed and put her to bed in her cot. She was back in my bed at some point, where she remains, fast asleep!

So, start again. But hope she has a better day as I am working for next two days and need to be up at 6!

She's not going to turn around in a few days. She might, but it will take a while I reckon. But the new routine WILL sink in, I promise you.

We have done serious sleep changes with two of out three children with the help of two separate consultants. Both recommend a plan for two weeks, writing down everything that happened using a coloured chart so it's easy to do and you can see the changes. It will take time but you both need to buy into it. Let me know if you want more details of what we did but it involved sitting beside DS's cot, shushing and patting for long stretches and going back in as often as needed, we took shifts in the night. We were also advised to break the association between feeding and sleeping starting with the bed time feed and then reducing the night time feeds so he ate more during the day. Eventually, it was like a slow domino effect, day routine, self settling at bed time, more eating / feeding at regular times during the day, less feeding at night, less waking at night, happier baby, happier parents. It takes time, a clear and agreed plan of action and an agreement that you can both say when it is too hard and swap over to avoid either of you getting too stressed or angry.

And start each day again from the top! It will help!! You do need to find a way to get your DH on board though and this could be the hardest step.

Can I ask when dh did with her between 8pm and 11pm?

If he left the room and entertained I can see why

Needs to stay in the dark, in bedroom, offer water/ milk and just pat/ rock/ sing gently.

Random question, how was her birth?

The only thing I can think of with a baby that grizzly, and who sleeps so little and fusses over food, is headaches.

Ds1 was a bit like that. But he had a horrid birth with a few failed attempts at ventouse, then foreceps delivery.

He did not settle and become a smiley happy baby until he had a few sessions with a craneosteopath.

She was emergency c sec at 33 weeks so I doubt it's cranial.

I was expecting a docile, meek little dot who takes a little longer to reach her milestones like the paed said!

She is roaring ahead with a vengeance and as another poster has suggested, hates being a baby it seems. She is positively outraged at it.

We have had a good day (albeit shouty) with two decent naps and lots of food. She had a lovely playful bath with dd1 and is now having bf with miracle blanky. Fingers crossed for a good night, I start work at 7 tomorrow!