organising your time at weekends

[Jellyfish]

Any advice appreciated on this one.

Need some organisation tips please! It's Monday and I'm feeling a failure again having achieved next to nothing at the weekend. I only work part-time and only have one dd (2.5 yrs) and I always look forward to the weekends thinking that that is when I will get lots of things done (when dh looks after dd) plus have some time for myself. But always seem to get less done than usual! How do parents find time to do the things they need to do: do the food shopping, do the ever-present "chore" shopping (eg buy a birthday present or child's shoes etc) maybe go out together for a walk or some other activity, perhaps cook Sunday lunch or even go to church plus all the other extra office/domestic stuff that needs doing and fit it all in? I always end up stressed and disgruntled. No time for relaxation at all plus dd plays up more when there are two of us looking after her. Are my expectations of weekends unrealistic? Is all this normal or am I just crap at organising myself?? Then there seems to be no time during the week and stuff is waiting to be done again until the next weekend when - wait for it - it doesn't get done!! Help! This is really getting me down ....

I guess it all depends on your energy levels and what you really need - if you are worn out (your dd not sleeping properly etc.) then resting is much more important than ticking stuff off.

If resting isn't a priority (it isn't for me any more, as ds and dd are six and five and sleep like logs) then my tips are - make an early start; and try to combine jobs.

So, for instance, Saturday morning starts for us nearly as early as a school day - we leave house at 8.45, for dd to do drama club & ds to do swimming. By the time we get back for lunch we have ticked off: fresh air (we walk through the park); loads of exercise for both; ds's homework (done while dd does drama); dd's homework (done while ds does swimming); food shopping (done on way home). And it means that I feel virtuous for the whole of the rest of Saturday and everything else that gets done (laundry, name-tag sewing, snore, snore) feels like a bonus.

Organisation-wise have you thought about maybe food shopping over the internet and getting it delivered? And when you cook in the week how about doing extra and freezing/fridging it to save time when you're stressed? Or what about asking dh to cook you "something special" (he can go shopping for the ingredients and take dd with him)? Chore-wise I tend to set myself time limits for doing something (so I'll iron for 45 mins, for example). If I'm going to the kitchen I'll also take anything that needs clearing with me, and while I'm waiting for the kettle I'll do some washing-up/surface-wiping etc. When I go upstairs I'll also take stuff up / bring stuff down. If I can persuade dh to bath ds I'll change the sheets and sweep the bedroom floors (bathroom downstairs). I make a point of tidying up with ds before starting hid bedtime routine too, so the house is usually fairly straight come evening-time. The main thing is a little at a time. Our house is never totally sorted anymore, but it'll do.
That said I have now given up on the idea of absolutely having to achieve anything over the weekend since I used to despair in much the same way as you seem to be. (Then if I do manage anything I can feel all virtuous.) At the end of the day ds and I hardly see dh during the week so the weekends are our chance to chill out together and enjoy each other and I don't want that spoilt by the pressure to do certain things. That said, it doesn't stop me feeling down come Monday probably because it's back to the usual grind (and the house inevitably looks worse than usual). Not that different to having a job I suppose.
For me I think the problem is that we always try and do something special as a family and I don't get to maintain the house as I usually do. Ds ends up tired because he doesn't get the down-time he gets in the week and I end up running around after dh in those moments I'm not seeing to ds so I get quite tired too. I'm trying to build in more chill-out time for us all but we're not there yet.

i find the same. We do grandparent visiting ona weekend so Sat afternoons is my parents and sunday morning is usually MIL. Both live locally but it adds up to a whole day out of the weekend. We do make a rule that one weekend out of about 6 we don't see them. That leaves v little time for chores that either me or dh want to do, time for ourselves and time as a family together. I do shopping on line or in the week and try to get most jobs done during teh week but there's always jobs to be done at the weekend aswell. I don't want to not visit parents as its important time for dd to see other people as we don't have circle of friends at the moment that she sees in the week. I could see my parents int he week but then we don't see them as a family as dh at work - always seems to be a problem. Anyone else have the same thing -s orry hope i'm not hijacking here!

I'm the same, don't get much done plus we always have family obligations as well.

My main priority, as dh works long hours during the week is to spend time together, either outdoors or in, just as a family.

Thanks! Good tips there Bink and yomellamoHelly, esp re: making an early start, clearing up before putting dd to bed and doing things a little at a time. I do these things sometime but need to be more consistent. I yearn for pre-child days when I could have 3hr chunks of time to get stuff done and of course that just doesn't happen now! Need a third day in the w/e I reckon! Must just keep plugging away. And as you all say, family time must be the priority but just getting depressed with my house being such a wreck all the time. Once I'm 'on top' of things at home (not in an obsessional way but just so I can find things!!), I feel I can then go out and live my life, instead of being on a permanent treadmill of failure! Encouraged to know Bink that it does get easier as the children get older though ...!

I sympathise! Is it a possibility to hire a cleaner for a few hours per week? By doing that, the house could be cleaned (by someone else), and you would be free to enjoy your family time instead of rushing around/feeling stressed. I'm a firm believer in getting someone to help with the chores if you can manage it. Though at this point, I'd do well to take a bit of my own advice!

I agree with the early starts, On Sat morning DS does football or Spanish and DD goes to swimming lesson with DH, I have DS2. In the days beofre ds2 I found this great as DD spent time with DH, MIL is responsible for spanish and I got 1.5 hours on my own. Could you book DD and DH in for a class or something first thing Saturday morning?

Weekends are alsways tightly packed for us too and you can pretty uch garauntee that the housework I thought I'd catch up on isn't done. I satrted having 1/2 every evening after ds and dd went to bed to do a job, i.e. some ironing, washing, wipe kitchen cupboards, hoover, anything. It means 1/2 hour less time on an evening but thats sometimes just spent watching c**p on telly and dp does something in that 1/2 hour too so we spend it together. This means that on a weekend I haven't got everything waiting since last weekend and I feel less guilty about spending the time enjoying myself with dp and the children.

Thanks all. Much appreciated. Feel a bit more positive now! Particularly liked the idea about doing 1/2 an hour of chores every evening instead of watching c**p telly! Funny how one is always able to waste time doing that even though there are jobs around about left undone. (Could happily throw the TV out of the window sometimes as it is, imo, always getting in the way of family life somehow, but that's for another thread!) Seriously though, I'm sure those 1/2 hours will add up and if "a little bit at a time" could become my mantra then I think things would run much more smoothly around here. So, I'm going to dump the perfectionist "all or nothing" attitude and get done what I can, when I can! Thanks again!

Just wanted to say thanks for this thread Jellyfish. Your original post could have been written by me, but I never thought to post one! I've been pulling my hair out about weekends for two years now, since ds2 arrived as neither dh nor I ever seem to have a moment to ourselves at weekends now, and there is always soooo much to do. Feel much more positive having read the replies.

Well I just do the regular housework on a weekend (ie loading dishwasher, washing, drying etc). I try to tidy round on a Sunday night, sort out school uniforms, write cheque for dinner money, maybe iron. Then I can hit the ground running on a Monday which is cleaning day. Then I work Tues-thurs so we are all out of the house and it doesn't get too messed up. Get the shopping delivered on Thursday evening. Try and cook 3 out of 4 evenings while I am not working and cook double so that I can just warm stuff up when I am working.

So the weekend is for doing extra one off chores like tidying out cupboards, washing the car or whatever, plus DS's swimming lesson, plus DH's golf, plus visiting family, plus trips out.... So plenty to keep us occupied.

A belated thanks Bozza. Those are really good tips. Sounds as if you have things pretty much under control in your household. Good plan about working Tuesday to Thursday too as I always thought the house would be much tidier if I spent more time at home, but it's much worse than when I worked full-time!

Thanks for your kind post Verytiredmum. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one too!!

Weekends are for us to have a nice time in our house. So shopping is done in the week, cleaning is either done in the week or not at all and we seem to end up having time to go for walks, cook lunches, see people etc. Re time to yourself, dh and I ask each other if we want to do something alone and do it. Can you get shopping delivered and get a cleaner? It would make a lot of difference.

Lowering your standards is another tip! But it only works if you don't mind lowering them iyswim!

Sat am - we get up around 8am & DH takes DS swimming & I go into town to get cards, presents, pay in cheques, + anything else that needs doing, plus a cappuccino and try on some clothes if Ive got time..
Sat pm - usually we potter at home doing diy / garden stuff, maybe go for a short walk with DS.

Sun am - we usually try to have a family day where we go out somewhere & maybe have lunch out, or take a picnic.

Sun pm - When we get back I cook a roast unless we've eaten out.

I try not to do any laundry on Sunday, tho usually have a quick hoover round & tidy at the end of the day so we start the week off fairly straight.

When I was a SAHM I used to do the housework on Sat am (as I would go into town with DS during the week) but now I work part time & have got a cleaner for the time being, although I would have time to do it myself.

I alternate one on-line shop every fortnight and 1-2 small shop in our local Somerfield which is 5 mins walk away.

It seems to work OK for us.

Have to agree with other posters re: Internet shopping, its fantastic & saves so much time. Another aside to this is that DS enjoys helping to unpack all the bags & pack everything away (esp of there's a 10p bag of sweets lurking in one of the bags), so thats him kept entertained for half an hour or so.

oceanwave, i love the idea of ordering a little treat for the kids to find while they help unpack shopping. will try that one[smie]

Thanks again for all the tips. I've tried a few out this weekend and managed to get a lot more done and am now feeling much more positive and more importantly won't have that sinking "desperate can't catch up" feeling tomorrow (Monday) morning!! Getting up, off and out really early on Sat helped alot as did sending dh out with dd for a couple of hours during the morning. Managed to achieve a much better balance between family + chore time too.

I must be different because I find that we have lots of time to waste.

We have twin boys (2years old) and I work 3 days a week and DH full time. On the 2 working days that I don't go out to paid work, I shop, cook meals for following week which I freeze, wash and still find time to take boys to the park or music classes or library. At the weekend, we lounge about the house or go for a walk if family are not visiting and every Sunday I cook a big Sunday lunch. DH does a lot too because he hates clutter and he too is very organised.

I think the key for me is that I am very organised and sometimes, I do find plenty of time on my hands and I'm wondering what to do next. I play with the boys a lot plus I read and exercise. I'm also doing a diploma in Computing, learning German and DH and I want to learn Spanish together. DH is also doing an MBA.

So I guess my advice is to plan and manage your time. Easier said than done but with twins, we had to be organised.

Now I'm depressed again but thanks anyway speedymama!! I admire your discipline.

Actually though, thinking about it, perhaps your work/home balance is right (working 3 days, at home 2 days during week)because you need to do one to provide a constrast and stimulate you in the other and vice versa. I think maybe I need to work more hours and then I will be more interested in all the domestic stuff and will be forced to be more disciplined too.

Jellyfish, try adopt the mindset that the more organised you are, the more time you will actually have to do what you want to do. That's how DH and I approach it and for us it works.

Good luck!

Wow speedymama, I am really impressed by your routines. I work 3 days a week like you, but,unlike you, I feel dis-organised and like I don't have enough time. So I have been following this thread. I only have the one DS too.

I truly can't imagine feeling that I have too much time and looking for things to do but I would like to! I am going to try and get organised like you do....it will change my life.

I'm with Bink on this. The key for us is getting up and out of the house on Saturday morning. We actually enrolled DD1 in ballet class for this purpose. I couldn't give a damn whether DD1 knows her first position from her lotus position, but it does mean that we are all up, dressed, breakfasted and in the car by 9.30am (lots of screaming and scrabbling involved). And there is no time for DD1 to have her classic let's-release-the-week's-tension Saturday morning tantrum. I write a short shopping list on the way to ballet and DD2 and DH get the food for the weekend and share a father-daughter bonding moment in Sainsbury's Starbucks whilst I catch up on coffee-drinking and magazine reading for a whole thirty, yes thirty un-interrupted minutes whilst DD1 faffs around pretending to be a butterfly in a dusty church hall. Bonding and homework for DD1 and me in the post-ballet snack room (good opportunity to snigger at super-duper-pushy mums angsting over tap-dancing moves), then all home in time for lunch.

Having done something in the morning, the DDs (3 and 5) are normally content to play together and do their own thing in the afternoon whilst we Get Stuff Done.

We used to get loads of stuff done at the weekends and I have had to learn to scale back my expectations massively: Hooray, we changed two lightbulbs, paid three bills and put some duck tape over the 2" gap round the cloakroom window.

Me too Jellyfish Feel just like you - always look forward to the weekends but end up feeling depressed the whole time because there's so much to do! Ds is nearly 1 and he really takes up all my time, can't get much done during the week and the weekends aren't any different so I find it very hard to keep on top of things as I'd like to... Glad I'm not the only one. I think the key is probably to chill out a bit, but easier said than done..

Like speedymama I also find that I have loads of time and in fact spend a lot of it wondering what to do! I have a nearly 4yo dd and an 11mo ds.
I work 3 days/week with Weds & Thurs being my days off. On Weds we don't have any specific activities planned so spend the day dossing about the house, playing etc with me doing odd bits of housework here and there. Sometimes we go out to a farm or to the shops (woo hoo!)
On Thursday I take them to a kiddies music group at 10am and then spend the rest of the day doing our own thing either around the house or again, at the shops. Sometimes we have a playdate. To be honest I spend quite a lot of the time on my days off being bored and actually find it quite a strain finding things for the kids to do to keep them occupied.

The weekends are fairly hassle-free too. We're up bright and early on Saturday as dd has ballet at 9am and then the rest of the day is spend either mooching around the house, shopping or going on a nice trip somewhere as a family - there's plenty of time for chores and housework as well. On Sunday I go to church at 11.15am and then more of the same .....

I honestly sometimes wonder if there is major activity that I have overlooked as I can't really see why other people profess to be run off their feet all the time - what are you all doing? I'm certainly no superwoman!