Age gaps between DC's...what's best??

[ButtonBoo]

DD1 is 8mo and believe it or not, I'm considering pestering asking DP if we can think about having another soon.

I thought having DC's close together would be good but some friends think I'm nuts.

I'd be interested in hearing if anyone thinks they've done it right and those that wished the gap was bigger/smaller. I'm an only so have no frame of reference.

Bump
Would like to hear the MN wisdom also
My DS is 18 months :)

Myself and my sister are 13 months apart. As children we were proper playmates. As teens I rebelled and hated comparison with older sis. My DS's are 8 and 4. The first was a surprise the second planned when we could afford to move south nearer family. They are now finding some common ground with Lego and playmobil. It's definately love/hate. Dc3 is on the way. Just when we were ready. Sometimes life dictates when things happen. I always thought I wanted siblings dc s close together. Maybe I should have dc4 quickly after this one??

I've heard a gap of 2 years is hardest work but then others tell me a bigger age gap is hardest as the kids are mist likely to be into completely different things and juggling everyone can be hard.

I've got major bump envy at the mo and DP is getting nervous!

Not sure I can wait 4 years tiredteddy!! I'm 35 now and I've got my 5-a-side team to fit in yet!!

2yrs1month between my boys, who are now 2 and 4. Was v hard work in first year (I think it is when you have an eldest boy who is not into babies and not a chattering compliant little thing (gross overgeneralisation but forgive me!)). However now they are a group, IYSWIM. They are into similar things, will play alongside each other and I think it makes it easy when thinking about holidays and activities out together. I figure that 1 year harder and 16-17 years easier is a good deal! But you can't plan these things!

I'm thinking all these things too. DD has just had her 1st birthday & I'm considering another one, but I wonder about the logistics of it all, double buggies etc? Also just simply managing being pregnant with a small toddler. When your mobility gets reduced in later months, how will I manage getting her in & out of bath/cot? I'm so broody but think I could talk myself out of doing it if Ithink too much.

3 years and up is ideal. I think. But I had twins them waited 5 years, broody as hell while my friend had 2nds and 3rds. From what i saw, a gap of 3 yrs upwards is less hectic because they can talk and you can bribe them

This is an interesting post.
We have a 13month old DS but we dont want kids close together A because i want to spend as much time with DS as possible before I have to divide my attention and B because i've only just turned 20 (was 18) when i had DS so dont want to waste all my chances of kids in one go if you get my drift.
I think the smaller the gap the harder it would possibly be but a too big gap could be the same? We are going for a 6-7 year gap!

Have 2.5yrs and 3.5yrs between mine.

3,5yrs was really good, no baby envy- he was settled in part time nursery that just continued as a really stable "baby free" part of his existence, and yup he could communicate very well too. 2.5yrs felt like 2 babies rather than a baby and a child.

Most of all can I totally recommend 3 school years rather than the "standard" 2 school years gap- it means so much that the younger child isn't actively in the elders shadow- enough overlap so that they are in the same school for a year at changeover each time to settle in (yrR and yr 2 in ingants and then yr3 and yr6 at junior).

Have a 6yr gap eldest to youngest and I don't really recall a time when finding actvities to suit them all was an issue either. I do think the youngest has a very "old" mature head on her shoulders though.

Valid points re having two 'babies' so to speak. Hadn't really considered logistics of getting dd1 out of cot etc when heavily pg etc.

I do think having the oldest able to talk/communicate well would be ideal. And having some understanding that 'mummy needs to feed/change baby now and I'll play with you in a minute' would make things easier. Or am I living in a dream world where dd1 will just be so easy going about a new sibling?!! [sceptical]

Do what feels right for you and your little family. If you are ready go for it. It'll mean it's hard to start with but equally I think the playmates is a thing I won't really have in my family! Good luck x

Just under 14 months between my two
DD1 wasn't walking when DD2 was born so the first couple of months there was a lot of lifting/carrying (2 trips to the car etc) but that phase really didn't last too long
They are now 3.3 and 2.1 and get on really well- DD1 can't remember life without DD2 or having her own room or anything
They still fight from time to but no more than other kids do. Would love dc3 but am almost sad that there won't be such a small gap again..

Okay I'm only having my first, but my mum and auntie have a big family..

My oldest brother is 24 (will be 25 in July) my big sister 23 (will be 24 in jan) and I'm 22 (birthday in June). Then there is a gap, next one is 19 (born in April), next is 17 (will be 18 in December) and the youngest is 15 (16 in July). So pretty much close and my mum wouldn't change it.

My aunties eldest is 10, the second is 9 in July, third is 6, fourth is 5, fifth is 4 and Sophie is just one this year (april past) and she expecting number seven in October, some where very close and maybe a bit unplanned. But she loved having them all close.

It may be a bit difficult at times but you can cope :)

I have 2 years 2 months between mine ds2 is only 4 months so is quite hard, but I am already seeing a lovely bond developing between them now ds2 is smiling and laughing. It can be hard but my ds1 can communicate really well and is great at helping me with nappy changes etc. he was v jealous at first but I reckon that might just be his personality rather than his age. I love the fact that they have had so much time together as ds1 isn't at nursery yet, am hoping it means they will become the best of friends, as MrsJamin says the beginning is hard work, but I reckon a 2 ish year age gap makes for an easier time with toys, common interests etc, just do what feels right for you.

22m between DS1 and DD, 24m between DD and DS2

I like having them close - they are now 6, 4 and 2 and all get on really well (between fights obviously!). I think a 2yo accepts a sibling more easily than a 3yo as they are so adaptable at that age, so fewer jealousy issues?

Potty training DS1 while breastfeeding DD wasn't that fun though!

22m between DS1 and DD, 24m between DD and DS2

I like having them close - they are now 6, 4 and 2 and all get on really well (between fights obviously!). I think a 2yo accepts a sibling more easily than a 3yo as they are so adaptable at that age, so fewer jealousy issues?

Potty training DS1 while breastfeeding DD wasn't that fun though!

Mine are 3.5 years apart. It was a good gap when DD was born - as DS was old enough to enjoy her, not too needy himself - and much easier than having a closer gap.

But tbh - I am now regreting having that gap. DS (12) wants nothing whatsoever to do with DD (8.5). He doesn't want to play with her, he wants her to leave him alone and not bother him and to hang out with friends his own age. But the age gap isn't big enough for him to behave in a kind big-brotherly way - he doesn't look out for her, want to hear about her achievements (or even pretend to want to).

DD adores him but is SO hurt by the way he rejects her :( I wish that they were either close enough to be better company, or far enough apart for DS to look after DD a bit more.

Interesting responses. It seems that 2 years(ish) is most common (except with Rachel's family...blimey!!) and that it's harder in the early years but gets easier.

I do get what you're saying purpleroses. My DN's are 4 years apart and they got on great until DS1 got to about 12-13 and then it just wasn't 'cool' to play with your little bro! There's a 4 yr age gap there.

So it seems that either a BIG gap might be good (bit time is not on my side) or I decide between hard work in the early OR later years.

To be totally honest if I was 35 wanting another I'd just get on with it!

My DDs are 13 months apart. 1st 2 years were quite hardwork but they have been good friends always. They are now teenagers. It means that I don't have to take extra kids on days out/holidays like some of my friends do as they always have each other. They also help each other with homework - altho aviod each other in school! It works for us :)

*avoid

button - be warned, I also found I was starting to look forward to having another when DS was 8 months. He turns 9 months today and I am pregnant! We didn't think it'd happen that quickly as DS took a few months to conceive.

18 months does feel quite close (he isn't crawling yet), but already loves the company of other babies and I am cheered by the thought of him having a playmate.

I too am mid-30s and felt it was time to crack on rather than potentially struggle later on. DH has always wanted 3 DC, and though that may be pushing it, if it WAS to happen, we haven't got huge amounts of time on our side

Mine are 2y 6w and 1m :)
It's definitely a bit harder than one (getting out of the house for a day trip took 2 hours!) but we've found the immediate newborn stage easier due to having a slight clue what we're doing! Toddler is hard work but no more than she was before :D and she is besotted with the baby.

The main downside to this gap was being pg with a toddler, not great. But if you had an easy pg it'd be fine.
Go for it I say!

I meant to say, personally I think a smaller gap would have been easier in some ways, but we waited a bit longer as I am not a lover of pg/birth and wanted to be fully recovered from the first time.

I think that there is no one ideal- what you perceive as "best" depends a lot on your personal circumstances, history with own siblings, how many kids you have in total, and what your children are like (which you cant predict, so that's the wildcard)

I'm definitely only having 2 kids, and DC2 is due in August, which gives me a 22mo gap.

Dh and I both have siblings really close to us in age (me- sister 15mo younger, him- sister 18mo older, brother 15mo younger) and enjoyed having auto-playmates who were close enough that we could do all the same things and we're all still pretty close to our siblings now.

Also I know that I'd find it really hard to "start again" with the baby/toddler stage once DS is out of nappies, out of naps etc. as it is restrictive. This way we've still got 4-5 yrs of that, and that's enough tbh. I'm kind of looking forward to being all able to, say, go skiing together- stuff like that.

However, I live overseas and have a lot of help with childcare, so that's also a factor in being able to deal with a small gap.