Age gaps between DC's...what's best??

[ButtonBoo]

DD1 is 8mo and believe it or not, I'm considering pestering asking DP if we can think about having another soon.

I thought having DC's close together would be good but some friends think I'm nuts.

I'd be interested in hearing if anyone thinks they've done it right and those that wished the gap was bigger/smaller. I'm an only so have no frame of reference.

It means that I don't have to take extra kids on days out/holidays like some of my friends do as they always have each other.

This is my mum's number 1 reasons for why she had a small gap with me and my sister- no need for constant playdates, or "having X over for tea" as we called it in the olden days

Agree that the 'best' gap is different for everyone depending on lots of different factors.

20 months between mine, they are now 2.6 and 10 mo. This past year has been really hard work physically, but can see it becoming loads easier in a few months when dd becomes a toddler. I'm not a great fan of the baby stage, give me tantrums over a non-walker any day! Am really glad that the things I really struggle with will be behind me soon

Yes AlanMoore I had a great pg but got pre-eclampsia at 34 wks. Was induced at 38 wks. It took 6 days and even then I failed to dilate and had to have EMCS. So unless I opt for a VBAC (which I think I would) having a new baby and a toddler whilst recovering from cs might be a bit tough!!

MrsJamin my thoughts exactly!!

And congrats tiddley. you'll have to let me know how you get on!! I got pg very quickly when we started ttc - 2 wks after coming off the pill. Hope it would be that quick again but it doesn't always work that way.

DP has a 3yr age gap between him and big bro and they're really close.

Think I need to have chat with DP and work my 'magic charms'!!!

Good luck button! I look forward to spotting your 'oh good god I'm pregnant' thread before long :o

Ha tiddley! followed by my 'WTF have I done?' thread!!?!

I am 35 weeks pregnant now, and apart from telling DS that if he wants to go up to the top level of the soft play cage, he's on his own, I havent found the physical side too bad. However, I have had to become really strict about "Sorry DS, mummy can't carry you" - he's perfectly able to walk but sometimes doesnt want to now the novelty's worn off- which does make me feel a bit bad, but 70 steps to playschool in 35 degrees carrying a 2 yr old is just not happening. I've also put him in a bed so the lifting in and out doesnt have to be done-but yeah- that is hard, so if you do end up with a small gap, buy that toddler bed!!..........oh and dont whatever you do let them get a head start on you or you'll never catch up

Button, I have 18 months between my ds and dd. I fell pregnant with dd when ds was 9 months. They are now 5 and 6 and have been playing happily together since my dd could walk. I really wouldn't have it any other way.

mine are 2y 1month apart, deliberately

sleepless nights done in one go, shared interests, soft play lasted a while, days out etc much easier to plan with small age gap

they get on really well (most of the time)

they are now 8&10 and I can't imagine having to deal with a baby or toddler now -they make cups of tea and everything lol

Our gap is one minute and I think that's ideal. They're constant companions to each other (they're nearly 5 now), at the same level for activities and we only have to fork out for one birthday party (a large one mind you). They do fight a lot but I think that's just what small children do.

The idea of going back to square one with nappies, feeding and sleepless nights fills us both with dread. Plus we're both over 40 and don't have the energy any more.

There is 16 months between my 2 who are 5 and 4.
For us it worked well. They were very quickly on the same routine, pretty much at same stage of development almost (as second often develop faster), we got all the 'baby' stages out of the way quickly, ie nappies, potty training, weaning etc.
And best of all they are very close and play lovely together.
The first few months were hard whilst we worked to get them on the same sleep/feed pattern but then it was ok
However, nothing can guarantee you this and you can't guarantee that siblings will get on whatever the age gap so i dont think there is an ideal. It was whatever is 'ideal' for your own family

There's 5 years 10 months between ds1 and ds2 and it seems to be working well so far. I wasn't ready to even think about another until ds1 was well over 3.

Honestly, I think it completely depends on the parents and the first born! Theirs 17months between DB and I, my DM was very happy to have a smallish age gap and found it quite easy.

I have a 2.3 year age gap. Everyone was very negative about it, said DD1 would get jealous, misbehave etc (which I couldn't understand, she's never been jealous in her life!) I can honestly say it's been absolutely fine. She's a pretty placid child and has taken DD2's arrival in her stride, not a hint of jealousy.

DB and DSIL are expecting DC2 in Oct. DN will be just turned 3. Honestly I (secretly) think they're going to find it very hard. dN is a lovely little boy but is prone to being very bad tempered and rough. I personally think they would have been better off waiting until he was older and more able to deal with a new baby but, hey ho, he might prove me wrong!

Oops, that sounds a bit boasty about DD1! if it helps DD is a complete drama queen whereas DN is the toughest bravest toddler I've ever come accross!

My advice? Don't think about the gap. Think about whether you want another child. Obviously you've already done that part :)

So don't try to work out what is 'best'. Regardless of how much the 'best' age gap varies from family to family, in a lot of cases (such as my own) you get the gap you are given, and it has nothing to do with any plans you have made.

I would have liked mine closer together, in theory. But getting ds2 turned out to be A LOT harder than I thought. So it took longer as well.

He was worth it tho :)

Boast away Zebraleg!!

The moral of this thread button, is to stop worrying about 'perfect' age gaps, talk to DH and agree to have another. Then get down to it :o

Naughty tiddley...trying to persuade me

Not that i need that much persuading!!

See you on the due in march thread :o

Hee hee!

Depends really. I think longterm a small gap is nice as they are more likely to be interested in the same things, share friends etc. Big gap is nice for parents when they are young as you never have a toddler and a baby which is quite tricky but I think as they get older having 2 children at different stages is harder from a logistical point of view.

I have three years between mine and think that's a good age to enjoy both of their baby stages but still be close enough in age so they can play together (most of the time)

I got pregnant super fast the first time. Not so fast the second time. The 2 year gap I wanted ended up just over 3 years. Which in hindsight has worked well. Little jealousy. Its getting tough now DD is 13 months and more mobile and DS (4.3 years) is getting more rough with her not in a good way. But on the whole it has been tough but good.

My two do love each other. DS must kiss and cuddle his sister before bed. He also says to me - "Can we keep her?"

Aw Halle!