How do you keep yourself sane?

[Cbell]

I am a SAHM to a DD (18 months) and life feels DULL. I am wondering how other occupy themselves so that you don't turn to a dribbling pile of goop.

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I have two degrees. My daughter doesn't seen at all impressed by this fact. I'm a smart cookie and all she wants me to do is finger paint! I've recently found out I'm having baby number two (unplanned) and am starting to panic.

While I have started to look for childcare options for my DD this will only be two/ three mornings a week and I will still have baby to look after - so not free time to pursue other activities. If I can maintain my sanity I'd ideally like to stay at home with the second baby until 'it' is 18 months - two years. Then it would be part time childcare.

I NEED SOMETHING MORE! I can't be the only parent that feels this way.

I know I'm lucky to be able to choose but I see everyone around me developing fantastic careers and I'm reading nursery rhymes and doing the laundry.

Tell me what to do...please

I have no idea sorry. Eventually i think your brain adjusts to the lack of mental stimulation. It s a painful process to go through.

You could get a part time job/volunteer/study at home?

Get a job? It can be boring at home and they're into everything at that age. Get out as much as you can.

Oh my good Jesus I was just about to start a topic like this one.

DD is 17 months, love being home with her but struggling being a SAHM.... just trying to do an activity a day, finding a group somewhere, anywhere but the afternoons are quite long too................

When you find the answer to this please let me know, I've got a full time job lined up in Sept where I will be leaving dd 7-6 and am in a state of limbo about this being too far in the opposite direction, but can't find anything all that stimulating to do pt... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Good luck.

:-(

You're damned if you leave them, damned if you don't!!!!

Are you part of NCT group or something? I think they do a lot, might help with your little number 2?

It hard but you adjust.

You need to plan and decide in your head how long you are going to do it for. Which it sounds like you already have.

I planned on putting a job hunt on hold until ds was ar school full time. I am longing for October

Just make sure you get out as much as you can. take the kids out, meet new people, find new places to take them etc.

It does get easier! :)

What are your degrees in? Could you perhaps use them to tutor kids after school? You can do this in your own home or you can go to theirs.

Oh my good Jesus I was just about to start a topic like this one.

DD is 17 months, love being home with her but struggling being a SAHM.... just trying to do an activity a day, finding a group somewhere, anywhere but the afternoons are quite long too................

When you find the answer to this please let me know, I've got a full time job lined up in Sept where I will be leaving dd 7-6 and am in a state of limbo about this being too far in the opposite direction, but can't find anything all that stimulating to do pt... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Good luck.

:-(

You're damned if you leave them, damned if you don't!!!!

Are you part of NCT group or something? I think they do a lot, might help with your little number 2?

I volunteereed for my local NCT group and helped them organise various events and you can of course take the kids along. I also send out membership emails for them. It means I can use my brain for a few hours a week but there are no set hours so you slot it in when you can

Do you have friends you can meet during the day?
I was lucky and managed to go back to work part time, I met other mums with children the same age who enjoyed conversation which didn't always revolve around the children and I joined a book group.

Book a nursery, childminder or nanny and go back to work. Don't wait another two years. If you struggle as it is, why put yourself through more of the same? Work is the way I stay sane.

Agree with Cogito. If you can go back to work and maybe part-time then do. You'll enjoy your time with your DD a lot more.

Other option is to see your time with your DD as an opportunity to study paedagogy .

Actually in serious terms I guess that means look at EYFS literature, Montessori literature, whatever you want to follow and try to apply it at home. Dunno, will exercise your brain and apply academic element to your time at home.

Good luck with that .

If it were as simple as 'go back to work' the OP wouldn't be struggling. I stay at home with 22 month old and have another boy due in November whom I also want to stay at home with until he is 2.

I'm often bored and frustrated but for me, having thought it through carefully and read plenty of research I think it's important to be with my kids in their very early years. I know that isn't true for everyone but if you do make that decision then it should be respected. Doesn't mean you have to love every minute of your time at home with toddlers though. It's hard often thankless work!

We try to keep a shape to the week with classes and meetups, it gets easier once they they become more mobile and confident. Now I can sit and chat with DS in my eyeline at a playgroup whereas a few months ago I kind of 'hovered' around him.

I do some part time work from home in the evenings and at weekends. it's nice to have the 'thinking' time and the extra cash but it is exhausting to have so little 'downtime'. If you can't take on freelance work maybe study something you've been curious about? A language? HTML? Photography? Is there any skill that would complement your CV for when you are ready to go back?

Join a gym and use the crèche!

Nope I know it's not that simple. Only too well.

With great difficulty, does that answer your Q, OP?

I'm not!

I'm on summer holidays from Uni, my god.

I hate it X 1,000,000.

I do go to the gym every evening though, which I enjoy!

With 4 DC ranging in age from 18mo to 14yo? I don't.

Seriously though, I would say if you're set with your situation and plan to SAH with the second child (congrats btw!) then you have to be realistic and accept that there will be days it's mind numbing. It isn't going to be great all the time, I'm afraid (voice of experience here). But on the plus side, you get to set your own schedule every day. And one day you'll return to the work you enjoyed and use your qualifications. It's not always a be all and end all situation. It just seems like that just now when you're in the thick of it.

Try to meet up with other mums, or get a day/afternoon to yourself once a week. Think of all the positives of SAH. It may feel difficult to do, but there are many. You get to raise the children your own way, not a childminder's/nursery, etc.

I personally break my day into sections so that the day doesn't feel so long. Keep busy, have your LO playing with different toys, get out in the fresh air, etc.

My advice is to get out. Plan a group or actvity every single day, and go even if you don't feel like it. If you try one that is truly awful, you don't have to go back of course, but bear in mind it can take a few attempts for you and child to feel comfortable somewhere. If you and DD have enough energy, you could even plan two activities a day (plan around her nap?).

Making friends with other people in the same situation is a real sanity saver.

The other thing that really helped me is to think of your time with little ones as temporary... time flies and in a couple of years when you're back at work you'll probably look back with nostalgia on the baby days.

"I'm often bored and frustrated but for me, having thought it through carefully and read plenty of research I think it's important to be with my kids in their very early years."

Why do your children benefit from being with a bored and frustrated mum? Don't you think they notice?

You need to do some stuff for yourself - evenings if you can't do it during the day. I have 3 DCs and youngest is 17m, so I understand how you feel. From this age though they do get a bit more interesting and you can do things together with them that they enjoy too (possibly not to degree-level!). 2nd baby is, IME, easier as you've been there, done that, so you don't worry at every little sniffle or bump (makes me sound negligent! :o)

Try and get out once a day at least, even if it's only to the post office.

Start a hobby that you can do around naps etc - I started making things/sewing and do that from time to time while looking after them all too.

Thanks for the advice. We do get out a lot to baby groups/ art/ music groups. Visits to the park, trips to the library and cake-based chat at friends. I've actually found meeting people much easier since having a child and have made quite a few new friends.

The hole I'm trying to fill is more 'me' based. I'm a runner and had been upping my morning runs in preparation for a couple of half marathons this year - now off the cards thanks to new baby! I am still running but with less enthusiasm. I think I need something more mentally challenging - a course/ volunteering all brilliant ideas. Now just need to get off mn and get organised

Have debates on mumsnet.
I sympathise. Nothing more to add really. Can't you go back to work earlier ? Probably not as you would have considered that already.

I have one day a week when my DSs are with a childminder from 8 - 6 and on that day I volunteer. It is my sanity break. The advantages are two fold for me. Firstly, the break for me. But secondly, the break for them! I think it does them good to have a bit of time away from me, learn to get used to someone else looking after them occasionally, and learn to interact with other children in a lovely home setting. One day is enough time for the break, but to still feel like a SAHM.

I still catch up with their first childminder and her children for playdates/coffee as the children's friendship is so strong, and the CM is so lovely.

I advise doing a course of something. My ds is 4 I've been a sahm since he was born and am continuing to home educate him. I'm also studying for a phd which is my link to the 'real' world and also gives me people to talk to and my brain stimulation. Although I have to say this morning I must have answered 100 questions of ds s before 7 am kinda keeps you on your toes.

Cognito - Well firstly I'm not bored and frustrated all day every day, there is plenty I enjoy. I didn't spend every minute of my work day engaged and fulfilled either, parts of my job were dull but had to be done, some were exciting and interesting. Being a SAHM is also a balancing act. Some bits are wonderful like watching him grow and being there for his milestones. Some bits suck, like picking smashed raisins off the cushions and being constantly covered in toddler-ming.

Secondly, no I don't think a 22 month old does notice when I am bored actually. I don't sit filing my nails and sighing and toddlers are pretty self absorbed. He only really cares if HE's bored.

Perhaps an older child might be bothered by it though.