How do you keep yourself sane?

[Cbell]

I am a SAHM to a DD (18 months) and life feels DULL. I am wondering how other occupy themselves so that you don't turn to a dribbling pile of goop.

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I have two degrees. My daughter doesn't seen at all impressed by this fact. I'm a smart cookie and all she wants me to do is finger paint! I've recently found out I'm having baby number two (unplanned) and am starting to panic.

While I have started to look for childcare options for my DD this will only be two/ three mornings a week and I will still have baby to look after - so not free time to pursue other activities. If I can maintain my sanity I'd ideally like to stay at home with the second baby until 'it' is 18 months - two years. Then it would be part time childcare.

I NEED SOMETHING MORE! I can't be the only parent that feels this way.

I know I'm lucky to be able to choose but I see everyone around me developing fantastic careers and I'm reading nursery rhymes and doing the laundry.

Tell me what to do...please

I work part time and it's my main lifeline but i also make sure that i get time in the evening to do hobbies that i enjoy.. It can be soul destroying when they are tiny, my Dp works long hours so i have to make the effort to hunt down grown ups to talk to. They are only small for such a short time that you'll be back to being 'you' before you know it.

I started to get a bit of cabin fever towards the end of maternity leave!

I work two days a week now and enjoy the time to do something different and use my brain a bit more (not that I'm not using it when looking after DS, but just in a different way!).

I've also just signed up to do some volunteering copy checking for local charities that will give a bit more variety to my evenings. Plus I'm looking to make more regular plans for evenings like exercise classes or nights out with friends.

Part time work is perfect, also get an allotment! I hate being in the house, hated my ml and have no idea how people manage to be sahm!
If you don't like it you don't have to do it.

Good Lord, no. Don't get an allotment with a little one! I made that mistake - put my name down for one based on the expected waiting time and they re-opened an old allotment and so I got one much earlier than I was expecting. DS2 was only a few months old. English weather being what it is you simply CANNOT get there often enough with really young children to make a go of it. I tried my hardest but simply couldn't maintain it, after about 15 months I had to let it go.

I know exactly how you feel! I also have two degrees but feel like my brain has turned to mush.

Currently on maternity leave with DC3 and sooooooo looking forward to September when my eldest starts school and my younger two will be in daycare for two days a week so I can work.

I am freelance and work from home so the plan is to be part time until all the kids are at school then just work in school hours for a sort of best of both worlds scenario!

The only thing that keeps me from being bonkers are my lovely friends, getting out and chatting makes me feel like a real person again.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way OP or anyone else who feels the same way, but did you not think it would be like this before you had your ds? Fair enough if you're used to having a career/lots of time for hobbies etc, but it's really no great surprise that this is what life is often like with small children is it?

I'm in the same position as osterleymama and of the same opinion regarding staying at home for a few years.

I find it quite frustrating when I don't see the 'results' of my daily efforts, as I used to when working (still work one day a week though).

What I find helps, brain-wise, is to have R4 on quite a bit, and read stimulating books/watch sciencey or political programmes when I can. I'm sometimes even able to dip into a book while ds is with me. Also to remember it's not for long - I hope to work at least half-time when dc2 is 2ish.

Oh and a toddler group every morning, then the park/soft play/friend's house every afternoon, otherwise each day feels like a week!

chitchat sorry that happened to you, without my allotment (shared with a friend with kids too) I'd be on Prozac by now!

k2togm1 - if I shared it with a friend I think it would have been different. It just became more isolating, actually. Right now I'm spending time on house decorating/renovating and then I have a great big new garden to get stuck into. In fact I will probably have close to the same size vegetable garden here as I had at the allotment (1/2 plot). Being able to duck out and do a bit of gardening at odd times during the day will be a sanity keeper so I can understand why you suggested it. But commitment wise it's a lot to take on with a new baby unless someone can help you with it.

Well I'm not particularly brainy so I've never had that thing of feeling that I'm wasting my brains or education. I was really looking forward to giving up work and being a SAHM - then I realised that if I had to spend 5 days a week alone with DD (DH works v long hours), I would go insane

SO I had to get a part time job - only 2 days a week but OMG I look forward to them!! (I am very very lucky to have free childcare on those days from my DM which I do realise not everyone has, but if I didn't I would have looked into paying for CC even if I was making a loss just to get out of the house!! )

I think regardless of what you get out to do the important thing is to share the time with other people, preferably including some adults. Getting together to look after each other's kids, etc is a great way of making lond term friends and avoids the isolation that society bestows on mothers. These years were not meant to be spent at home on your own with your little ones!

Yes that's so true, it helps to get your perspective back when it's deserted you!