Missing sports day

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I have now officially become the worst mother in the world according to one of the very helpful parents at ds2 school.

It's his sports day today, it was one hour long 9-10am.
My DH is away, there was no way I could take time off work as I had a meeting with 7 other people who could not reschedule for an 8 yo sports day.

We have been to every play, assembly, carol concert, parents evening etc since reception. I explained to ds2, he was fine, well so he said, I think he was.

Took him to breakfast club, went to work, just finished meeting and I've got a text from his friends mum, well several.
1 at 9:15 saying where am I, am I on my way.
1 at 9:30 saying its going to be finished soon, I'm going to miss it.
And 1 at 10:20 saying what a shame I wasn't there, all of the other mums were there watching, ds2 must have been so sad I missed it.

I feel awful.
I'm sad I missed it, I wanted to go, but it was literally impossible.
I'm sure ds2 understood but now all I can imagine is him being the only person there without a parent to support him.
I feel like crying.

at friend's mum, what appalling behaviour!

Ignore her! I don't think my mum ever came to one of my sports days (too busy working to keep and feed three kids!) and it never occurred to me to be bothered about it. Honestly it's not a big deal!

Is this woman a close friend? She sounds a bit toxic to me. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

There is one boy my DD has been at school with for the past 8 years and his parents have never been to any of the day time stuff, as they are both teachers. He has survived.

Ugh, how rude and unpleasant that other mum was Ignore her.

My parents never, ever came to my sports days. I understood they had to work. It was fine.

FWIW, I am missing my DDs sports day today too. Intentionally, mind you. It's an all day event and the weather is iffy. And lots of other reasons including work. She's OK about it although i admit I feel a little guilty.

Am going to stick my neck out here and say that I think sports day (and parental attendance at it) is the single most over-rated thing in the school calendar.

She isn't a close friend of mine at all.

I know DS was fine, I think it was just the shock of seeing those texts.

How weird. Why should she care? Or even notice? (Are there only 6 children at your school?) you were lucky to miss it, I hate going to sports days Does she not have a life outside her children, that she thinks all parents can spend what seems like half their lives attending events at school?

Since when did attendance at sports day equate with "being a good parent?" It irritates me when I hear of some dads, for instance, absent from their children's lives in any meaningful day-to-day sense, rocking up to sports day for an hour or two once a year and being high-fived around the office for being a good father.

How odd and nasty.

She's seen you (as she's obviously the type who looks) on every other occasion, so she knows that you attend regularly. It's therefore pretty obvious that you must have had a good reason. So I reckon she's trying to make herself feel like she's a better parent than you. Christ knows why.

My dc's school is tiny and I couldn't honestly tell you who was there and who wasn't at theirs last week.

You don't really believe you were the only one missing, surely? I would imagine most of the Mums who work, if they are part-time, are more likely to be working in the morning, and surely a few are full time as well. I cannot believe for a minute that everyone was either sahm, or able to rearrange work schedules. FWIW, my DS had all-day sports last week with proper races in the morning and fun sports (bean bag throwing, etc ) in the afternoon. He was a bit upset that I couldn't make the morning, but lived to tell the tale!

My DS only gets upset (understandably) if I say I'll be there and let him down at the last minute. If I can't make it and let him know why in advance (more normal) he is fine about it. The person sending you those text messages sounds rather smug and bitchy.

She is just naturally "concerned"

She is always telling my ds2 how it's such a shame x can't come to ds2 house after school because "mummy works very hard"
The funny thing is my DH starts work at 4:30am 2-3 days a week and is then home by 3 and more than happy for ds2 to have a friend over, but she is "concerned" my DH will be too tired to supervise them.

She is also "concerned" that my ds2 is tired during the day as he goes to breakfast club. At 8:30. A whole 20 minutes before school starts.

She really has a thing about our home life, I have no clue why?,

I know, bloody ds2 had to pick her DS to be best friends with!

Ignore, ignore, silly woman has picked on you as it somehow makes her feel better. She has probably very little of meaning in her life and this (fussing about your homelife) makes her feel superior.

You have missed sports day is all (I am a serial non-attender at school events, my DCs have survived). My response to that sort of toxicity would have been 'poor you for having to go, didnt you think of a good exscuse?'

Whereas I understand the tradition etc etc of school events, I have yet to find any parent who does not feel guilty at missing these. My dd has her sports day on Friday (full day) and it infuriates me that school's just do not seem aware that for many parents this is a logistical nightmare causing upset for parents and the children. I am in no way baaa humbugging these occasions (I am a primary teacher at that) but begin to dread the summer term's itinerary of sports, plays and speech days!

Oh god she sounds awful!

Perhaps she feels a bit defensive about being SAHM/jealous of your job and feels the need to boost her self-esteem by having a pop at you?

janji - your search is over, I have never felt a pang of guilt for not attending sports days, fairs, assemblies. If I could be there then I was (rarely), if I couldnt then I wasnt (normally). This would be explained to DCs beforehand.

What a silly moo, she sounds.

I missed sports day on purpose and chose to stay at work! It bores me rigid. My dh was there though.

Very odd, nothing to feel guilty about.

I think she should stfu. Tell her that comments about your home life to ds are inappropriate and have to stop.

And encourage friendships with other kids who can come to your house. I'm sure her ds will have something to say when he sees his mother stopping his fun with her concerns.

She sounds as if she leads quite an empty life, she definitely needs to get out more! FWIW I missed DS1's first sports day and was wracked with guilt. 11 years later I do realise that I was being extraordinarily PFB about it given that he's since had 6 more, of which I've gone to about half!

A member of our school's parent's association suggested that the school should do sports day on a friday afternoon when everyone buggers off early there are more parents that could attend. Why is this not the case?

Oh op what a bloody awful woman.

Let me tell you my story:

Dd2 told me one day that they were doing a Tudor dance display the next day, half an hour before the end of school

I had a meeting in London and I normally just make it back for home time by the skin of my teeth, let alone half an hour earlier. I told her I couldn't go she understood

Anyway, next day I had a think and got the meeting chairman to rearrange the agenda do that my bits were first, I slunk out 20 minutes early, missing lunch, ran along euston road in my heels, sweatily managed to catch a train, at the station I jumped in the car, threw it up the hill to the school, had to park miles away so more running...you get the picture

Panting I crashed into the show 10 minutes before the end and luckily saw dd2's performance I even managed to convince her I'd been there all along

Anyway, one of the smuggest mums came marching up to me and said "oh curryspice, I saw you were late. Can't you get yourself a bit better organised".

Through gritted teeth I hissed: "I'm not disorganised. I'm BUSY". I fumed for days about that one

If it weren't for the total cowbags, we wouldn't appreciate all the nice people so much.