Who looks after your dcs when you are ill?

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

I'm just recovering from a really nasty virus and have been bedridden since the weekend. I could not have looked after my 2 dcs - besides avoiding giving them it too- I was delirious and constantly being sick.

We are lucky enough to have been able to enlist our live out nanny for an extra day to cover my illness but it makes me shudder to think what I would do if she couldn't have helped out- dh works away alot during the week and I have no family nearby.

This got me thinking...what happens when the only available parent is too sick to look after their dcs? Is there a mechanism in social services in place to help out?

You manage and carry on. That's what I do.

I've had migraines so bad I couldn't barely open my eyes. I've still looked after my son.

DH

Me mainly
If its the weekend then dh
I normally go down with whatever it is on a Monday though sods law

I'm a single parent and just have to carry on regardless. It sucks. (But not as much as my marriage did!)

I don't think there is anything in place (could be wrong). Interesting question.

I had the DV bug a couple of weeks ago. Dh working (could have taken the day off if need be though) and my Dad took DS to school. No WAY could I have left my toilet never mind the house.

Me, dh works nights so is asleep upstairs during the day. I had chemo at the end of last year and the beginning of this and it made me feel like shit. I would've looking after my dc's on less than 3 hours sleep and we didn't miss anything we would normally do.
The only exception to that was when I had to go into hospital and stay in for 3 days due to surgeery complications and my mum travelled 4 hours to come and stay and look afte the, because there was no one else.
I am really jealous of my sil who lives 5 minutes from my mum, her mum and my youngest dsis and is forever posting on fb about how she can have a night out, or a break because she has so much help on hand.

I think DH has had to take a day off twice in six years as I was too sick to look after the DC. Once was because I had mastitis (ouch)

What Tee said.

You could probably get respite care for your kids if you were so sick you were in hospitial and had no family or friends, anywhere, that could help. Otherwise you just have to grin and bear it and hope that friends would help you out. It's a nightmare though.

Cbeebies does :)

I've been pretty poorly before and just got on with it ( including shivering all night whilst cradling a constantly bf newborn) but this time I couldn't even have managed to get my own glass of water. I would have been a danger to my dcs if it had just been me to look after them (baby just started crawling, toddler bouncing off walls).

I was left alone with my 11 week old with undiagnoised pheumoina. Thankfully baby couldn't move so we stayed on the bed,I was breastfeeding. Sister in law turned up half way though the day having asked her to pick son up from nursery after my mother in law took him in. She took one look at me and I went to hospitial where I stayed for a month, with the baby. I truly wouldn't wish being that sick on anyone and it made me thankful to at least have some family around.

I do. I usually just have to get on with it. I've had severe chest infections/urine infections, and just about survived with TV to nanny the kids, and excessive use (for the kids) of games consoles. I may lie on the sofa all day but I'm there if they need me.

There have been two occasions though, when I had been up all night with nasty D&V bugs, when DH told me to stay in bed and he would work from home or take dependents leave. He never asked me if I wanted him to, and I never even hinted, so I must have looked like death, and he must have been worried.

I suppose if I really had to I could call MIL, she could do the school run for me, but whole day stuff is a bit much for her.

Dh and I both had real flu (as in couldn't lift heads off pillow) at the same time once when dcs were about 2 and 4. My wonderful (late) MIL let herself in (couldn't get to door), brought us paracetamol and satsumas, packed up stuff for kids (including dirty washing!!) and took them all away to hers for a few days until we could function a bit. She paid for them to have a couple of extra days at nursery, and had them at hers around the edges. She also did the washing (and ironed it!) and brought it back, with home-made soup for us.

Can't tell you how much I miss her!

I did. When I had pleurisy dh was able to take the one day off while I was actually delirious but after that it was business as usual. We had one room baby-proof and safety-gated, so I could lie there and dc would be safe.

So cory, how many days would he have taken off if he'd had pleurisy?

Single parent, so me!

My parents did when I was hospitalised recently. I'm not sure what I'd have done otherwise . Had to stay home I suppose, but I was very seriously ill.

Besides hospitalisation-worthy illness I'm the one who does it as I'm a lp. Have had some very tough moments when sick. Not easy on the dcs of lps either. I power through everything really - after a few years as a lp I'm as tough as nails. It's been character building!

clam Wed 20-Jun-12 22:59:31
"So cory, how many days would he have taken off if he'd had pleurisy?"

Well to be fair, his job involves heavy digging, not lying on the sofa murmuring faint words of encouragement to a toddler. I couldn't have done the digging either. And we were worried about his firm going bust.

This really scares me. My husband works away mon-fri most weeks. When I went into hospital for child no 2 it looked as if it would have to be him looking after no 1 and not with me. As it was it was a weekend so some friends were able to take my first child but they wouldn't have been available during the week.

I've had a couple of things like infectious mastitis where I have been delirious and recently infected tonsilitis where I had a fever and was not at all with it. Luckily my husband was working from home (he doesn't get to choose this at all though, it depends on the jobs he is put on). It's made me really anxious about what I would do though - what do people do?

I've thought about finding a childminder but presumably they don't keep a space open "just in case". I guess there must be "emergency nannies" but we are reasonably low income and I suspect they must be expensive.

I've struggled through various illnesses (I'm so run down I seem to get so much these days :( ) but for another "real" illness I have absolutely no idea. I'd have to ring pre-school and say I couldn't get her there...

clam what a wonderful person your MIL was I can imagine how grateful you both were.

I do (single parent). I guess if I had to be hospitalised then I'd have to call in help from grandparents and friends.

I've been really badly ill a few times since having DS as I'm immuno suppressed, so if I catch something I get it bad + I have RA which can flare.
I also get quite a few rather unpleasant side effects from my meds.
Some times I've just had to carry on and cope even if that meant one time me lying on the living room floor as I couldn't get up and us 'playing' dens for the morning.
DH looks after DS when he can but if he's got a surgery list or clinic he can't cancel unless it's an emergency. Our neighbours have been lifesavers more than once as have ILs (but they work and live 2+ hrs away)
The few times I've passed out I have been terrified for DS far I've only done it on my own or when DH was there too and I now know what to look out for to avoid the worst.

There is apparently a voluntary organisation here (NZ) that will step up in exactly this sort of case.

They'll also help out if you are sleep deprived, have had a bereavement etc. They're essentially like a volunteer family.

I've been encouraged to call them to let me get some rest seeing as DD2 doesn't sleep, but the Irish "oh no, sure I'm fine" instinct kicks in all the time.