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Original poster

DP accusing me of throwing my son

38 replies

MySonIsMyWorld · 19/06/2012 20:48

Cannot believe this!
The other day my DS pullled my hair he is 13 mo and i said under my breat "the bastard" i know i shouldnt say it but i did because i am so tired and fed up recently anyway i then moved him and out him on the bed and rolled him to his daddy so i could go cry in the bathroom (thats how awful i feel at the moment) anyway DP didnt say anything and now he is saying i threw him on the bed!
I feel so angry - WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO MY SON?!! Ughhhhh as if id throw him on the bed ever? And then he turns it around on me and i start beliving i did it!

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PooPooInMyToes · 19/06/2012 22:53

Why is he saying that then? That's strange.

Do you have pnd?

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 19/06/2012 22:56

You called your baby a bastard?
Your DH thinks you capable of throwing your baby?

You sound exhausted, depressed and frankly at the end of your tether. See your GP.

solidgoldbrass · 19/06/2012 23:00

How much support is your H giving you, generally? Is he doing his share of housework and childcare and treating you with kindness and respect? (His share is the amount that enables you to have the same amount of leisure time each week as your H does, end of.)

If your H is generally kind and supportive, then you should see your GP WRT having PND. If your H is expecting you to do all the childcare and all the housework and be available for sex then getting rid of him will make you feel a lot less tired and fed up.

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Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 20/06/2012 19:42

DP doesnt support me at all exept from working and earning the money, he doesnt do the washing the pots the cleaning nothing but sits on his ass and watches me - he does put little man to sleep most nights but thats it. I didnt call my baby a bastard i said it under my breath not even looking at my son more looking at my DP. I have never thrown my son, nor shouted, hurt, put him down hard etc ever and never would - i am normally very happy with my SAHM role and love my son to bits.
To be honest i think DP said it just to hurt me, he rubs it in my face all the time that i struggle to get DS down at night so maybe its added to his nasty things to say list

OP posts:
superchick · 20/06/2012 20:28

You poor thing. Your DP sounds horrible and you sound exhausted. I certainly have days like you describe (crying, fed up, end of my tether) but my DP does everything he can to make it better for me. In my case its largely lack of sleep that is causing my problems but in yours it sounds like you need to seriously consider the state if your relationship. I hope you can stay strong for your DS and get the support and help you need.

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 21/06/2012 07:05

I'm normally happy and fine with the situation - i never threw my son, i never would no matter how tired upset and fed up i got i have never hurt him in any way - never would! I do it all but DP has finally started being better with DS i dont know what to do really, i am used for a cleaner and mother thats all - just hurt to think he would even say i threw him!!
I deffo do not have PND because if DP wasnt here id be mostly tired, but happier! x

OP posts:
Babylon1 · 21/06/2012 07:11

And in your last post lies the answer you are looking for honey.

If this man makes you feel do bad, why do you stay with him/let him stay?

What good things do you get from the relationship?

PooPooInMyToes · 21/06/2012 08:43

That's awful! Sad

What are you going to do?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/06/2012 09:39

Life with a baby can be hard work, exhausting and stressful. It is made harder, more exhausting and more stressful if you're saddled with a big, male, adult 'baby' at the same time. I'm sure you'd cope far better on your own with your baby than you do with this horrible man heckling you from the back-seat.

Clawdy · 21/06/2012 13:41

I'm really not convinced OP would cope better on her own. Babies pull hair,it's what they do,and to over-react by muttering "bastard" whoever it was directed at,is worrying. She needs help and telling her she's better on her own is dangerous.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/06/2012 16:30

It's not dangerous in the slightest. The OP is obviously tired, stressed and the main source of this stress seems to be a partner that prefers to treat her as a skivvy, criticise and make nasty remarks than help out with their home or child. She says herself that she would be happier if he wasn't there. I think she is quite right.

Clawdy · 21/06/2012 17:26

Two sides to every story, Cogito ......

cloudhands · 21/06/2012 17:42

it really hurts when babies pull hair! I get a split second of anger, because of the sheer pain, and then of course realise it's just a baby and don't act on it! and the op is obviously tired and frustrated so I totally relate,

superchick · 21/06/2012 20:29

If muttering swear words under your breath when you're stressed and annoyed makes you a bad parent then I should be locked up. Of course OP may have pnd and i wouldn't want to dismiss this but her posts clearly point to external stress factors (i.e. DP is a dick).

solidgoldbrass · 21/06/2012 21:15

The problem is obviously the man. A remarkably high proportion of depression and anxiety in women would be cured far more quickly by getting rid of a shitty partner than by pills 'n' counselling, yet women are still told to prioritize men, indulge them, placate them and 'work at' relationships.
OP, you'd really be best off cutting your losses with your partner and either moving out with the baby or making his father leave. A man who does no domestic work or childcare, criticizes you constantly and pesters for sex is a man who considers women inferior to men. He thinks you're something like a dog that needs to be 'trained' into obedience, that you exist for his benefit rather than as a person in your own right and this is almost impossible to correct.

PooPooInMyToes · 21/06/2012 21:18

Clawdy were you on the twat thread by any chance?

I actually think its pretty common to say a bad word when in pain. Its a normal if unfortunate reflex. Did you see that thing on telly about how swearing actually helps reduce pain? Something to do with the brain . . . It night not be ideal or perfect but show me a perfect parent and I'll show you a liar.

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 21/06/2012 21:36

Clawdy - are you actually serious!? Lady i have been a single mother with my son before and let me tell you he has never come to any harm - i am a damn good Mum and i dont care who thinks im big headed in saying that! I think your post was uncalled for and totally shit :)

To the others, thank you for your support especially with the Clawdy comment!! Muttering swear words under your breath does help with pain and yes ladies pulling hair hurts like mad - i didnt say it AT my son and he didnt even hear me!! I do agree that it is DP that is getting me down and not DS!

OP posts:
Clawdy · 21/06/2012 22:48

Have been on my own too,and can't help wondering why you're still with him if things are that bad....?

PooPooInMyToes · 22/06/2012 08:16

Your dh does sound nasty. So he just sits and watches you, is competitive about who is the better parent to the point that he rubs it in your face that he can get your child to sleep and you can't, and takes every opportunity to jump on the things you do as evidence of what a terrible mum you are?!

It reminds me of an ex of mine who was jealous, possessive and used to take every opportunity to put me down. He would tell other people that he had done my college work if i had done well for eg.

What else does he do op?

Coconutty · 22/06/2012 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 22/06/2012 15:46

Well he walked out when ds was 4 weeks old and came back when he was like 5months old ish and didnt do anything with DS up untill i stopped BF when he was 11 months, now he does bath and bed. I can get DS to sleep if i need to but it involves alot of crying and hard work and if DP does it he falls asleep on 5 mins! Thats why dp does it and not me most nights.
Clawdy - i think im still with him because when he is nice he is great! But i hated being on my own..... guess i just need to man up abit and get rid up i carnt help thinking put up and shut up for my sons sake because he loves his daddy.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 22/06/2012 19:49

He sounds like a moron! All kids love their daddy doesn't mean its best for you both to stay with him.

Clawdy · 23/06/2012 12:43

Your little boy loves him. Do you?

k2togm1 · 23/06/2012 13:16

What a horrible situation you are in! Can't believe he walked out on you with a 4 week old!
As for swearing, I have only recently been able to stop myself from doing it when bitten, having my hair pulled or my glasses thrown across the room, but dh excused it due to English being my second language and the words not having so much baggage for me! Blush
What will you do? I completely understand what a difficult decision you have to make, but being unhappy wont be good for you or your ds.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2012 14:19

Never confuse 'he's stopped being an offensive, selfish, lazy knob for five minutes' with 'he's being nice'