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Original poster

why do so many people choose to have children?

49 replies

onedayamumihope · 10/06/2012 22:14

Hi all,

I'm fairly new to this site, no children yet, but DH is keen, and we are hoping to start TTC next year, but I'm hoping someone can answer a question which has always been on my mind...why do people choose to have children and once they arrive what are the positives?

unlike most people, I've only heard the negative comments about money, stress, worry. I hear a lot of moaning about having children and I've also got a history of depression so I'm keen to hear the positives....

Thanks! :)

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MaureenMLove · 10/06/2012 22:18

Gosh, what a question!

If you could feel even half the pride and admiration and love I have for my 16 year old right now, you would understand why people do it! I cannot begin to tell you how proud of her I am and if I'm honest, the work me and DH have put in to make her what she is today. I want to burst! I am coming out the other end of full time parenting so to speak, but my god, it was a fabulous ride!

Its the hardest job in the world, but for every bad thing, there are millions of good things too.

Good luck.

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/06/2012 22:23

Children are fab, and hard work, and messy, and loving, and funny, and expensive, and beautiful, and annoying, and clever, and tiring, and smelly and everything really. Don't rationalise it, just get on with it Grin

LittleWhiteWolf · 10/06/2012 22:26

I just had a burning desire to procreate since I was small. I met my wonderful husband and felt that he would make a great father. So we had dd. A few years later and we have 8 week old ds. I already feel the urge for dc3. My children are the best thing I have ever done and even though dd sometimes drives me up the wall (she's three) I could not imagine my life without them. I am so proud to be their mother.

Good luck with your toting.

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LittleWhiteWolf · 10/06/2012 22:26

TTCing even. Fecking iPad

exoticfruits · 10/06/2012 22:30

I agree with FunnysInLaJardin-your life is never the same again, but there is nothing to beat it.

Flossiechops · 10/06/2012 22:31

For me it was a natural instinct to want to have a baby with my husband. I felt so very very broody, the time was right so we went for it. We had 2 dc in 14 months and whilst it is hard work, nothing is ever the same again, I would not swap it for the world. I always love my children but there are times when I look at them that my heart swells with so much love that I could cry!
They are now 7 & 8 and they are the most fab little people :)

defineme · 10/06/2012 22:35

It's a biological urge and most people have it.

Statistically childless people are just as happy as people with kids, but I suppose it's a very easy way of making our lives richer/more interesting/have a point!

Original poster
onedayamumihope · 10/06/2012 22:35

Awww, amazingly quick replies! So nice to hear positive comments! I needed to hear some, caz so often I hear moaning or the other extreme is annoying parents who talk endlessly about their children and carry around their exam results to show everyone (yes I've met several women like this) and I really was starting to think "why do people bother?" as I don't want to be in either camp tbh! :)
Thanks! :)

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/06/2012 22:39

Why choose to have children? Not sure people think about it that deeply tbh. We're designed to reproduce, it often happens by accident, and choosing not to have children seems a far more deliberate/unusual decision a lot of the time. The positives are as individual as the children and parents themselves because, at heart, it's a human relationship with all the variables that throws up.

5madthings · 10/06/2012 22:43

i just knew i always wanted childre, 4 was my ideal, we have 5 :) yes it has its negative, but nothing beats sneaking in and watching my children sleep at the end of a long hard day, honestly its amazing, sometimes i look at my 5 and have to pinch myself to check its real, that i REALLY grew and gave birth to them all! they are utterly amazing, the housework that goes with them not so much!

and what funny said :)

Nodecentnickname · 10/06/2012 22:45

I was not prepared for the love and joy my daughter brings me and my DH. I don't think you can explain it. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and has made me enjoy life again with renewed vigour.

Yes, she is tiring, hard work and so on... but the good bits far outweigh the bad. Parenthood is wonderful.

Iggly · 10/06/2012 22:52

Having children is amazing.

I look at my two and can see myself, DH and other family members in them. I wonder what they'll be like as adults and feel a burning sense of pride over the simplest things. Eg DD, 6 months, sat up in the grass today for the first time. The feelings I have towards them both are incredible.

Original poster
onedayamumihope · 10/06/2012 22:52

Some beautiful comments, thank you :)

OP posts:
pushmepullyou · 10/06/2012 22:53

It's a biological imperative Smile Plus they are fab Grin but I didn't know that when I chose to have the first!

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 10/06/2012 22:58

I had them as I wanted them.

Yes there are many negatives, less money, less quiet time, saggy boobs, white carpets and sofas are not a good idea anymore, there are moments when you would give the kids away for free but the best things are when they say mama for the first time or you chase them around the park or watch them in a school play or when you want to squeeze them sooooo much when they are asleep as they are so cute.

When you hear them say things like my mum says . . . And she is always right and you realise they think you are important!

They love things that seem boring to us like going to the shop to buy a magazine and some sweets.

They draw cute pictures and say funny things.

And birthdays are amazing, they are so happy on their birthdays. And Christmas is never quiet but is amazing, its so lovely.

There's a million things I could say about how great it is

Springforward · 10/06/2012 22:58

I wasn't really bothered until I turned 30, then it was like a switch flicked and suddenly I felt that my life would be empty without a child. DH felt the same way, and now my 3 year old DS is, simply, my joy. I'm tired, worried and just plain nuts most of the time but he is beyond worth it.

Springforward · 10/06/2012 23:01

Oh,and right now there is true wonder in his world - a rainbow, a ladybird, ducklings, a bike ride and a picnic are utterly exciting and get talked about for days - and it's infectious!

Hopefullyrecovering · 10/06/2012 23:01

Positives about having children?

Well ...

Grandchildren? Always nice to have grandchildren. There's always a risk that your own children won't oblige in this respect, of course. So it's a bit of a gamble.

5madthings · 10/06/2012 23:07

yes springforward its great isnt it the true amazement and wonder as they learn about the world around them, its like seeing things again for the first time yourself as you see their little face light up at something so simple as a ladybird!

mine range in age from 12 down to 17mths and i can honestly say that they are just as amazing as they get older, even my cynical nearly teen still got excited when our littlest learnt to walk and its great with older ones having proper conversations with them about all sorts of things from politics, to poverty to what to cook for dinner. it is relentless at times but i love the fact that tho similar my 5 are also very different, they are each their own person and bring their own dynamic to our family, right from birth they definitely have their own personalities, i feel exceptionally lucky to have had my 5 with relative ease and though the responsibility of raising them is daunting/scary its great to watch them grow as people, esp with ds1 as i can see the teen/man he is becoming, its an incredible process really childhood, how they grow and develop, but one i wouldnt give up for the world :)

DilysPrice · 10/06/2012 23:11

It's a bit like taking up heroin - it makes you happier than you can possibly imagine in short bursts, but can also make you wretched. And it may well shred your existing life into tiny tiny little pieces.

Heroin is rather easier to give up than motherhood though.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but then I was simply miserable without children, they're all I've ever wanted.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 10/06/2012 23:17

Why do people have children?

Because our DNA is in charge of our bodies and it genetically programmes us to want them.

It's biology, innit? Grin

arthurfowlersallotment · 10/06/2012 23:26

Having children is a massively irrational act, IMO.
If you have sampled the delights of adulthood, giving many of these up to have children could be viewed as madness..

I have a 7 week old DD and the last two months have been the most miserable, lonely, exhausting, emotional and happy of my entire life. It's hard to fully explain until it's your turn. I've never loved anyone as much as her.

Shellywelly1973 · 10/06/2012 23:31

I had my 1st Ds just before my 16th bday...no one told me anything good about having a child.

My Ds is now 23,i adored him from the moment he was born. Hes just graduated from uni&starts work next month as a trader for a large investment company in London. He is still gorgeous!!! lol.

I went on to have 4more children,20, 10,7&3. My 4th Dc is disabled. I would kill for any of them. I went back to uni in my 20's. Good job etc but my biggest achievement are my Dc.

My life is mental some days. I often dont have time for a wee or a cup of tea. Financially broke&totally knackered but i would't change a thing...maybe go for 1 more before time runs out! lol.

Springforward · 10/06/2012 23:40

Oh, and the sheer love I feel for him is astonishing sometimes - I'd fight tigers for him, I swear!

needtodoanamechange · 10/06/2012 23:42

I adore my DCs, they are so cute and funny and loving :) I couldnt care less about being skint.

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