5 Good Reasons To Hate the School Gate

[katiecross75]

1. Stay at home mum: wearing tshirt that says 'breast is best' from the mumsnet shop. Has laminated costa coffee card on a lanyard and comfy pants.

2. Part time mum: as above, but wearing odd shoes, sweating profusely across the upper lip and already late for her three hour public sector job as a manager of something mundane.

3. Feeder mum: assumes you are vermin simply because you haven't eaten half your body weight in cadburys for breakfast.

4. Popular mum: leader of the mums army, and popular figure head of the more extreme mum mafia mobilising mothers with every text.

5. The Dad mum: the father that shares parenting duties. Terribly right on, knits his own yoghurts and wears hand stitched shoes. Has 'Poly Toynbee Rocks' sweater.

Or... you can be the 'Full Time Working Mum'... who slips in under the radar early doors, drops DC off at breakfast club, quietly departs and who never knows anything that's going on because she doesn't ever see the school gate in action!

Inconsiderate mum who stands in the School (only) doorway nattering to her mates and not getting out of the way, ususlly with a huuuuge pram, several scooters and assorted toddlers milling around. They are complaining about the hired help, manicures, tennis coaches or their hubbies not taking them to the Maldives this year.

Even when they can see you running to the front door, in heels and suit, dragging your briefcase, to throw child through before door is closed at 9am sharp (after which you are in the late book and have to sign it and come up with a plausible excuse). Do they get out of the way, non.

Only 5?

How about:-

Push in Mum: You are happily chatting to another mum when she barges in because she cannot stand not being in on the converstation.

Ignorant Mum: Look like they would prefer to be run over by a Juggernaut than actually say hello to you but then will happily go and stand with her clique or other Ignorant mums

Perfect Mum: She's perfect, her DH is perfect and her 2 DCs are perfect, they get top grades and are good at every sport under the sun and boy does she let you know it.

Ouch!

Rude mum: who talks to you, then actively turns away when 'someone better to talk to' suddenly arrives on the scene.

Cliquey group of mums who stand there chatting and not acknowledging you and arranging 'playdates' with their kids.

We have perfect mum at our school, she is lovely to everyone, has 4 well behaved, bright DCs, she is well spoken, well dressed and very pretty and she is always rocking up with amazing cakes/costumes etc for the days we are required to bring something in.

I just had to look at your past posts to see if we have dc at the same school TitsalinaBumSquash, we don't but that mum sounds very much like one at my dd's school.

Do we have 'Nosey Mum'? I actually remember being accosted by one of these when I was a kid myself. Demanded to know what level reading book I was on and grabbed me by the arm as I tried to get away!!! (Terrifying) Have since met similar, although more subtle and less physical with an adult.

We also have the mum with many children, she has 10 and is wanting more, they all look very similar. She can often be found weeping when one starts school because she doesn't know what to do without them at home.

And mum that's in with the teacher, she is also very nice, she helps in the class and knows everything about everyone, she sweeps into the classroom before everyone to start helping the kids come in, she is a good source of info when I have sometimes every week forgotten which day is PE, reading, mufti day etc.

2) Part time mum: as above, but wearing odd shoes, sweating profusely across the upper lip and already late for her three hour public sector job as a manager of something mundane.

Way harsh, Tai.

Or just " human being who also happens to be a mum" mum.

We have crap mum at ours, 7 kids and never seen any of em belted in the car even when in car seats, presumably the cloud of cigarette smoke will keep them safe in a crash

Oh, and we also have 'indiscreet and judgy childminder' - who will talk at the top of her voice about how such-and-such mindee's parents let them get away with all sorts at home, but not she! I often wonder if the parents realise this at all.

Are dads only allowed at the gates if they're lentil weavers then? I must tell Dh to get his lentil-loom out. We just thought he was being a 'parent' by picking up DS from school. Hadn't realised more accessories were needed in order to correctly fit in his stereotype..

We have mums-who-melt-in-the-rain ie they have to be buzzed into reception to wait when it is in the least inclement even though they have driven all the way in their 4x4s anyway.

Also scary, over sharing mum who corners you to tell you about her hysterectomy and messy divorce even though you have never seen her before in your life.

Ahh but we don't have lentil weaving Dad, we do have a collection of dads that just ooze cool though, they are really friendly, wear clever and amusing t-shirts and one creates comic strips for a living!

Ooh, I am looking forward to being a school gate mum this September. I think I'll try a different role each day for the first month 'til I find one that suits.

What about 'sexy dad'? The one I see is a keep-fit type, jogging alongside his kid on a bike, tis quite handsome. We have a lentil-weaver dad, he doesn't stand at the school gates, he sits on the floor! And there's always a motormouth mum who will chat shit about anything.

Non-accepting mum?
Will not even take a minute to think that the child she has acused of being a bully even though said child is in reception may be stuggling socially and will eventually be diagnosed and given help by the end of year 3, although in a diferent school because said mum is in so much of her own bfb bubble bully child moved schools to avoid years of Non-accepting mum's acid tongue.

What about slag dad? The one who you know has slept with one of the other mums half his age, along with various other women, and is constantly eyeing up other mums (I have given clear no-go warnings!), and you have to spend half the pick ups acting like you know nothing about it to his wife and making idle chit chat with her, poor woman.

Slag dad? Lol...sounds very entertaining. I hope that there is at least one of those to break up the hideous onslaught of bitch mum, cliquey mum, etc!!-mind you I have a while before I have to experience any of this