Old school parenting methods… the ones 'wot' work!

[SunnySeeker]

I am a new first-time mum and in the weeks since my baby?s birth have heard many anecdotes from ?old time? mothers (and fathers) who have been there once, twice and three times over. I would be grateful if you could share with me the tips and tricks (the kind you can?t read in books) that you heard/learnt after the first time round for you. For example ?

• Giving babies cooled boiled water in a sterilised bottle to ease a fever
• Puffing out the inside of nappies to prevent leakages
• Brushing baby?s hair after washing to prevent cradle cap
• Not wearing a bra when possible to prevent sore nipples
• Settling a baby to sleep on his tummy, before craftily spinning him round once asleep!

Anything you have to offer would be much appreciated.......

Sorry, but I don't think any of those are a good idea! Cradle cap certainly isn't prevented by brushing (caused by overproduction of sebum), babies shouldn't have water unless for a very good medical reason (advised by a medic), nappies are so good that 'puffing' them out makes no difference, sore nipples are caused by lots of sucking and possibly a poor latch and you should definitely not settle babies to sleep on their tummies. However, things I wish I'd known:

sometimes you will be pinned to the sofa all day breastfeeding.
you can't sit down comfortably for a few days after birth.

Not sure if it counts as old school parenting but the one thing my mum would always go on and on and on about was letting my DS cry it out at nap/bedtime instead of the amazing rountine of constant rocking/picking up/cuddling to sleep methods I slowly developed.

I eventually gave in when I had a cold and couldn't cope with the palava anymore - it was a revelation and the best bit of advice I was given. Took a couple of nights and now more than happy to settle himself for naps & bedtime.

Ps before everyone starts on how developmentally damaging CIO is 1. He now cries less than before 2. My mum is a child psychologist 3. My child is far happier now he can settle himself.

The same as with everything else in life: read widely about as much as you can then follow your informed instinct, dont be too proud to ask for help if you feel you need it and remember that lifes subjective, whats good for one will be disasterous for another.

Good Luck :)

Sometimes a crying baby is an overstimulated, overtired baby. Letting a baby cry for a short while while they settle down is fine IMO. It gives you time to decide if there is anything else that could be a problem.

I have found a sling very soothing and gave some hands free time.

I also recommend swaddling for the first few weeks. You can tell when they are passed needing it. They start wanting free limbs. But it creates physical security for them and helps physical handling for new parents.

It's ok to still be in your pjs at 3pm. If you have had a shower and/
or brushed your teeth by then, you re doing well

Most helpful is trusting your own instincts. Everyone has opinions and many are free with them. Be prepared to filter and decide for yourself.

Congratulations

'My child is far happier now he can settle himself.'

Totally agree with you there benne81!

I don't know what puffing a nappy is but we do swear by pulling the little leg-frills outside the nappy once it's on. Every time we didn't do that, nappies have leaked....

All of the above posts are sound advice IMO :)

Depends what you mean by old school really, mine would be use a sling, in the house as well as outside and sleep with your baby (safely of course). No one told me beforehand about this and you won't find it in gina ford or babywhisperer. But now I find out that these are traditional parenting methods in most parts of the world.

Also 'old school', cloth nappies leak less than disposables and they are cheaper!

i wouldn't use CIO even if it meant the child cries less. I think they cry less because they realise that their cries don't get listened to so what's the point. It's like emotional shutdown and may mean that they don't always come to you with their upsets when they get older.

there's still plenty of evidence that CIO is damaging, and I think that many child psychologists would not ignore the evidence and recommend it.

paranoid is right. The neuroscience of the last ten years has demonstrated the damage CIO/CC do in under-1s.

Leaving a baby to cry at length and over time is unequivocally damaging.

However, trying lots of things to discover what they are trying to communicate like burping, nappy, feeding, temp etc and then judging whether the baby is actually being overstimulated by putting them down and observing them for a while is common sense. But sleep deprived parents don't always think of this.

Swaddle and sling from day 1. The two things I credit for my remarkably laid-back, happy and super-cuddly DS.

And I can't come on this thread without saying that CIO is barbaric. Our local health visitors are no longer allowed to advise it or CC, following a long consultation and training process with child protection social workers, child psychologists and paediatricians.

Learn to understand the different crying sounds your baby makes. Not all crying is the same. There is a big difference between a grumbly grizzly noise (tired) and a full-on scream (distress). The first can be safely ignored and will fizzle out as they drop off, the second is only going to escalate.

• Giving babies cooled boiled water in a sterilised bottle to ease a fever - Never did this but I guess it would work
• Puffing out the inside of nappies to prevent leakages Yes
• Brushing baby?s hair after washing to prevent cradle cap Yes works like a dream
• Not wearing a bra when possible to prevent sore nipples Yes and rub milk in to help soreness
• Settling a baby to sleep on his tummy, before craftily spinning him round once asleep! No but I swaddled

Other things that worked for me - dont jump every time they cry, allow them to cry it out for short periods - I think you can only do this at the 10/12 week mark but any later and you end up with a baby who doesnt sleep

After 6 weeks dont feed on demand, structure it and teach the baby to get enough at each feed.

Lots of walking with the pram, fresh air is indeed good for them.

CIO doesnt have to be barbaric. Why do people think that a very short period of crying is bad.
I have never left either of mine in their cots screaming but yet both slept through the night from 8 and 12 weeks. Its common sense

Actually CIO is barbaric - it doesn't refer to short periods of waiting to see if they're winding up or winding down.

Well it actually often does refer to short periods and also refers to going into a room soothing them and coming back out.
I imagine we wont agree on this one!

Actually when you want to look at parenting methods that work you need to look to our ancestors long before victorian times. In someways its the excess number of baby books that have caused women to question their instincts.

Cave women had no clock and even if they did they wouldn't had been able to tell the time. They breastfeed on demand.

To initate breastfeeding it helps to use baby's natural instincts. See beautiful video on the idiots guide to get a newborn baby to latch on.

breastcrawl.org/

Cave women had no puree baby foods so did baby led weaning. Although babies ended up waking up at night more, their fine motor skills were better developed by self feeding.

Until recent times women gave birth in a squating or kneeling position and certainly not on their backs.

Prehaps less than practical, babies were introduced to the potty early on. Ie. the baby was put on the potty at nappy changes, after a feed and on waking.

I think as a parent you have decide what you are wanting to achieve. Controlled crying does get a baby to sleep through, but it depends what you are hoping to achieve.

Is the long term mental health of your baby more important than a good night sleep?

But we dont live like cave women in any other way so why be like them in parenting?

With regards to statements about the mental health of your child, what you are basically saying is that the last 4-5 generations of children are damaged because most parents practised a form of CIO?

Some who left their children in distress were cruel, others were simply reading their childrens crys and making judgements based on that.

I was told to give my DTs water because they were FF, if BF no need.

I won't do CIO but I will let them 'grizzle' themselves to sleep. There is a big difference in that.

Biggest thing I've learnt - do what works for you. You can listen / read all the advice in the world but it may not be right for you. We are pretty strict on routine, I have babies that sleep and don't want to change that and I think that's probably exacerbated by the fact there's two of them but if routine isn't your thing then also fine.

I'm a FF 'cry it out' baby - don't think I'm too damaged. OTOH, my mum tried CIO with my sister and got nowhere with it (she didn't sleep until she was 4) and mostly co-slept her. I think a lot depends on the baby!

They do nap wonderfully well when left outside in their pram in the fresh air... :)

Parenting ideas go round in circles like most fashions. Different generations have different ideas about what gives a child the best start in life.

Parenting is a game of compromise. If you follow a strict routine then it makes it breastfeeding far harder. Sometimes a strict routine can become a rod to beat yourself with as much as attachment parenting. Ie. having the sort of baby who HAS to sleep in a pitch black room in the middle of the day.

Thank you all... this is really helpful. I am largely following my own instincts, as I genuinely believe I am more in tune with my baby's needs than anyone else could be (expert or not). However, it is always helpful to pick up bits and pieces along the way which I had not considered or paid much attention to before becoming a mum!

CogitoErgoSometimes - I totally agree. We spent three hours in the park today and my little one only woke up once. Terribly bad company I must say but at least he had a good rest, and I had a good read!

As someone with a rather older 'baby', I can maybe point you in the direction of some truly old-fashioned parenting standards that you'll find useful in years to come.

"Because I said so"
"Which part of the word 'no' are you having trouble with?"
"You're not too big for a clip round the ear"
"There are starving children in Africa that would be glad of that broccoli!"
"And if Michael put his hand in the fire, would you?"
"Put that down or you'll have someone's eye out"
"Were you born in a barn!!!??"

You will swear blind never to say any of these things but you will say them...

Forgot one...

"What did your last slave die of?"