Having to scrap having a birthday party :-(

[Smurfy1]

Kids are doooo cruel

DSD 10 has never had a party so was really excited cos we were going to throw her 1, so she starts asking people in her class and they all said no we won't go so you'll be all alone with no-one there so she doesnt want 1 now :-( she has just started there at the school in Jan but the teacher when quizzed by me and OH about if she is being singled out or bullied says "they all have their niggles" WTF doe that mean

So any ideas to make it special for her?

Soooo cruel even

Does she have any friends outside of school?

I would want answers from the school if shes being bullied.

Kids can be so horrid

If you really think she is struggling to make friends or being bullied, you should go in to talk to teacher and head about supporting her integration into the school. It's a bit off to be dismissive of your concerns

I think parties are a bit like hard work for a lot of kids and at ten might she not prefer to do something a little bit cool - birthday treat - cinema trip, bowling, make your own pizza with just two or three (or one) person she likes?

We got custody on her in January so she had to move 45 miles to Edinburgh so no friends outside school unfortunately

I have asked the teacher on Friday and am still waiting on an answer it doesn't help that weeone is scared to tell the teacher due to past experience at BM's so even if the teacher says there is something that she is aware of weeone wont give names :-(

but she did make us promise that she wouldn't go to a certain high school, we told her fine as it's not the catchment school anyway

The class she has been put into has a young teacher with 27 kids, 3 with ADHD and other's with issues (so I have been told)

Last Wednesday I went in all guns blazing and was promised something would be done as she came out covered in paint her jersey everything places she couldnt reach and she said she didnt know who did it but the teacher says she didnt see any1 at her

Hate the school but it's the area tbh (not being snobby but we never envisaged BM ever giving up DSD) before secondary

ok, you need to get serious.

go to see the head. don't be confrontational, but make it very plain that your DSD has:

1. had a lot of upheaval recently and needs support
2. is struggling to find her feet in her new school
3. has been on the receiving end of some unkind behaviour but will find it difficult to talk about

and you EXPECT the school to take this seriously and help

in that situation re the party - ie new school at 10 and lukewarm reception thus far I definitely wouldn't have a party. but I would pick off one or two kids (who the teacher should help you identify) and take them out and show them a really good time.

OR I would do something really special with DSD as a family.

Thanks Merylstrop

I'm finding my feet too as she has gone from a family with 3 siblings to an only child scenerio

Schools etc are new to me but I can remember my crappy childhood with 3 primary and 4 secondary schools (forces brat) and the bullying

The school does listen and seem very helpful everytime I talk to them BUT nothing seems to filter back to the actual teacher! We have a book that was meant to be daily so any issues could be worked on, I have had it 3 times in 20 days so on Wednesday I was apologised to but today no book grrrr

Prime example last week weeone didnt come out so i went upto the class to find her picking up ripped paper a boy had opened her drawer trashed it and stole her dinner money change! The teacher when I asked what had happened very breezily went nothing

Agree with meryl, you need to speak to the head, teacher simply isnt doing her job.

In the meantime, have a look around and see if there are some wee drama/music/sports classes your dsd can do in Edinburgh, for one thing it'll improve her confidence, but it'll give her an opportunity to make some new friends and also would be good for her to know that there is some life outside the wee brats at her school.

Also for her birthday, could you take her away for the weekend? You could probably get a cheap weekend break in Pitlochry, dunkeld or somewhere like that, and it'd be a good opportunity for you to bond with her too.

We just took dp's cousin who's 11 with us to log cabins in Perthshire and she had a ball.

We have her in Hiphop and swimming at the Edinburgh leisure and at the school she picked the football and the friday girls club's but she is the only girl at football and the girls club she always leaves by herself :-(

Poor DSD! It's such a rotten age, and she sounds like she's having a rough time. The teacher sounds crap, but it is hard to see what's going on all the time and bullies are usually very good at staying under the radar. I would have another word with the Head and if things don't improve then tell them you'll report them. There needs to be absolute compliance with things like the daily book.

Is there anyone she gets on with at all that she could have a special treat with for her birthday? I was pretty much over parties by 10.

Yup collecting DSD today she was really quiet and had a pencil mark on her cheek, she had her book with her so I read it in playground and it stated that they couldn't do anything about bullying outwith school WTF so i asked weeone about her face and was told xxxx tryed to stab her with a pencil so i went straight to the teacher and she went he was spoken to and was suitably upset!

No call to me nothing so am making an appointment with head asap

It does sound like you need a meeting with the head and the teacher together and to bring a friend or relative to make notes of what is said in the meeting.

The age of criminal responsibility may be 12 in Scotland but the police do still get involved in cases where children under 12 commit offences and your DSD is being assaulted, so you need to make clear to the school you are giving them the chance to sort this out before you have to involve the police.

oh the poor wee mite

is it possible that she could get a place in another school in September? (not that she should have to, of course but it sounds like there is a discipline problem within the school)

i hope the school sort themselves out and take you seriously. The bullying/aggressive behaviour is one issue. Helping her to settle and connect with people is another and it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to address both of these things. When you meet the HT try to stay focussed and direct, as unemotional and unconfrontational as you can manage to be. Be very clear that they need to raise their game and quick.

re her birthday I second the idea of doing something really special as a family, or approaching one or two of the kids at Hip Hop or swimming and inviting them out to do something fun. Also would you think about brownies/guides?

I was the new girl at school a couple of times and shy with it. It wasn't fun for a while. I really feel for you both.

Poor girl!

Can you make it a family party and invite cousins, children of your neighbours, friends etc?

Oh man, I remember being 10 - it was awful. Even my best friends would turn from saying 'you're my best friend' to 'you're fat, go away' within the same hour. SIGH. I have no advice, just to say that you sound lovely and DSD will get there in the end x

How awful :-(

Just to let you know she isn't alone. Dd2 s the loveliest girl - but mature beyond her nearly 13yrs. She hasn't really got a secure friendship group at school and some are being bitchy to her as she's a bit crap at PE ( family failing! She can't be as dreadful as the eldest though- who wasn't teased).

We are having a sleep over and trip out for 2 real friends- her best mate from primary and a friend from residential orchestra courses.

Have a persistent but level headed go at school re the bullying. If it doesn't help can you move her? I would. Police would certainly put a rocket up the school. Certainly our secondary school gets involved with out of school bullying ...

Do something fab as a family. Reassure her that she has a safe haven where she is happy and loved. Push the boat out.

That's terrible about your DSD. I'm in Edinburgh and every school has a bullying policy. I'd be making full reading of this. Also ensure that they LOG it. Many schools in Edinburgh have a bad habit of trying to sweep things under the carpet. If you'd like to talk, feel free to pm me.

I second maybe trying to move her. Maybe ask her what she would like to happen and see what she says. I could cry reading what your poor DSD is going through. I was never so-much bullied at school but also didn't have lots of friends - always last to be picked for teams (generally the teams would argue over neither of them wanting to have me ) but it does mean that I really value my friends now and have a number of very close friends.

But bullying can massively effect your life. My DSis missed several GCSEs because the bullies threatened to kill her if she turned up. She didn't tell my Mum until it was too late. And like your DSD, the school said there was nothing that they could do. It was nearly 10 years ago and I would hope that things would have started to improve by now...

Don't let the school fob you off - please .

That's so sad. If I were you I would speak to the head teacher about the bullying.

Re the birthday, I would speak to her class teacher to identify 1 or 2/3 girls in the class that she gets on well with and might make good friends with her. Then invite 1 of these on a special birthday day out If first choice girl is unable to come then invite 2nd choice. Personally, I wouldn't invite 2 children because you risk the 2 guests going off together and leaving your dd out. 3 guests might be a possibility depending on whether you can find 3 nice girls in the class.

Also, make the trip something that they'll really want to do which will give her a bit of kudos in the playground (even if the other girls act sniffy, they'll be secretly envious). A riding session and lunch might be a good idea because it's structured.

A special day out will be nice for your dd and will also give her the chance to consolidate a new school friendship.

Thanks Ladies

I'm off nights after tonight so tomorrow will be seeing Head and moving schools she doesnt want to do, but she wants to goto a different high school to some in her class. Upside is she had a good day today and was assigned a buddy in the playground (so they obviously know more than they are admitting to!)

We can't do a family wkend away due to OH working BUT I was thinking a day out to Blair Drummond Safari park and she is animal mad and we then could take 2 friends in back of car for a day out followed by a meal or I can't really take her for a girlie spa or anything as it's not her yet, she asked if we could buy her a "proper" football tonight rofl

I am going to take her for a couple of wkends away to visit family and friends so July will take her to Coventry and Worthing so she will be suitably spoiled no doubt

She had asked for a kitten but thats a no go (we have 3 cats already)