Am I the only one out there?!

[Boboli]

I have 2 young DDs 3 and 1 who are pretty easy little girls, well behaved, lots of fun and the centre of my world but.....

I believe that the girls fit in with our lifestyle and routines, that not every day can be crafted around keeping them entertained, I don't go over the top on birthdays and Christmas as I want them to learn the value of having a few special things rather than more things they know what to do with. When I say no, I mean no - mostly I don't go in for coaxing my 3 year old to see my point of view, rules are rules and I'm consistent on this. I wouldn't say I'm overly strict just that I don't stand nonsense. (obviously 1 year old is law unto herself!!). THis was how I was brought up, I had a wonderful childhood, great relationship with my mum and dad, then and now.

Over the past year I've been quite aware that majority of my friends with their children seem to be way the other end of the spectrum. The days are filled with activities to keep the children entertained, if plans have been made and the children don't want to do something, plans are changed. Ridiculous amounts of presents are bought for Christmas and birthdays - things that perhaps can't be afforded in the first place. Discipline is never firm or serious - it's that softly softly voice and then distraction as a last resort so the children never understand that throwing that heavy thing at the window is just not on.

No wonder teachers have these problems when they get to school age - if children are conditioned to think they are centre of the universe then they will act it.

Am I alone in this?

Shouldn't this be in IABU?

Give yourself a medal.

Most of us just muddle thru the day waiting for gin o'clock.

may be it should - oh I'm muddling through don't you worry!

Sorry if came across as smug - that wasn't really the point of my post - ah well.

I do believe that everyone prents in the best way they possibly can.

And just because it's different to my way doesn't mean it's wrong.

So.

Meh.

Live and let live?

Maybe other parents like to be more busy with their kids?
Maybe they tried to be strict & it didn't work, didn't achieve anything?
I think you'll find that different kids demand different things from their parents. Don't get too smug thinking that it's just you that made them easy to parent, it's also in them what you get to experience. If you had different kids or at different stages you might find yourself managing very differently.

No meant No for my first child all right.

He was a lot better at saying it than I was, unfortunately.

sorry OP but you do sound smug.

Obviously, I think that I parent the 'right' way. If I thought there was a better method, I'd be doing it. We all think that we are doing the best for our children, or trying to.

Don't kids this young believe that they are the centre of the universe anyway?

Different kids, different needs.

You sound like you're doing well with your own. That's fantastic.
But other circumstances, even the tiniest difference, can mean that your style of parenting would be disasterous parenting for another child.

Buying presents? Up to the parent.
Personally, I am a bit tight with present buying, but rubbish about other things.
Some kids have perfect parents (as you sound like! I mean that nicely) others have rubbish ones. Kids of perfect parents can be right menaces, and vice versa.

I had this discussion with my sister because we parent very differently.
Agreed to disagree as she was adamant that i do things "wrong", however, i said to her as i say to you...what she saw was only a fraction of the picture.

Agree that i find it difficult to get my head around the changing of arrangements if it doesnt suit a child. Dont follow the "little darlings/prince/princess" theory of bringing up children.

I think you sound sensible OP. I was brought up to fit in around my mum, e.g. She took me into work with her, she only spent what she could afford on presents etc. but I always knew I was loved and she did spend time reading to me every night unless she was at work, painting and drawing and taking me to the beach etc. I think you get out what you put in.

I am dissappointed but not surprised that most seem to disagree with you OP. I am fully with you and parent in a similar way. No is no in our house- I am in charge and the kids have a very happy, relaxed home where they are secure within the familiar boundaries we have set. I am often surprised by the life styles of families who on the surface (i.e. financially/professionally etc) would seem to be similar to mine. The constant need to be taking part in trips/holidays/activities and never ending 'treats' .
In my opinion much of this is down to guilt and parents are constantly trying to make up for some imagined or real shortcoming. what children need is your time in bucket loads and all the basics-good food,safe clean home,warm clothes etc- once they have that the occasional 'treat' is exactly that- a treat!
2 years ago I reduced my working hours to as little as I can reasonably afford which was a sacrifice (financially as well as the carreer implications) but can see the value of doing this every day in my confident,loving and contented 2 and 12 year olds every day.
I think op is spot on and being married to a senior school teacher hear about the outcomes of different approaches to parenting which makes for a worrying future.

I don't get the negative responses. How is the OP smug for saying life doesn't revolve around her kids?
I don't really know any parents who are on the other end of the OP's spectrum, but do feel drawn into the constant need to fill their time with activities and treats because there is so much on offer. My dc's are all under 4 and I'm already juggling a rediculous number of weekly preschool classes.

You are not the only one.... and you are not smug

Hurrah - the voice of good sense. I'm with the OP 100% and well done for sticking your head over the parapet on here!

I do think Boboli talks a lot of sense and doesn't sound smug. I too don't agree with this ' how shall I keep my kids entertained 24/7' idea that a lot of people go with now. What happened to kids entertaining themselves sometimes, hopefully with a bit of imagination and a bit less parental money spent. This is why there's no children outside just 'playing', they're too busy being dragged about to one party or activity after another. This was unheard of when I was growing up, my parents didn't have the time or the money anyway.

And what happened to parents having some time for themselves? I realise that children have to be the CENTRE of our universe (as mine are) but his is not the same things as being the ONLY thing in our universe.

So well done Bob on bringing up your children the way you are, you obviously had a good example from your own parents which not everyone is lucky enough to have.

The only way I can maintain any sense of sanity in an average day is to make sure my DS's are happy and engaged and quite often this means going out and doing things. They are 2 and 4 and give me no peace whatsoever!

We try not to spend much money (dont have much!) so they no way get treats all the time, but I have certainly found that everyone is more relaxed if we are doing something which is geared towards them - going to a restaurant for lunch for eg would be more stress than going for a walk and picinc - but is the OP suggesting that I am somehow spoiling my DC by doing this?

We're with you Bob!

I'm totally with you op

Totally with you OP! Seems like you're doing a great job!

It always happens that if anyone says they think they're getting something right then others are happy to bang them over the head with the smug-mallet. I'm with Bob.

I'm with you, OP. My ds is 13 and is in a happy home. He is loved (and he knows it), but he has boundaries, too, that we have set over the years. Now he is older, there are a lot more negotiations going on - and thats healthy, too.

I am staggered that friends of mine liberally sprinkle treats, presents, games, toys, bikes etc on their children - and now they're teenagers, the stuff is ever more expensive.

The attitude these kids have towards their parents is awful, too. As soon as DS comes out with stuff like that, he gets a verbal wallop from me. (Well, its worked so far...!)

I find as my dc get older (10 and 13) their lives do seem to take precedence. Things have to fit in round their activities and their homework and we have to be involved to get them to things and make sure they're equipped.

At 3 and 1 your dc still have quite some way to go, although I agree in some respects with your sentiment. They are likely to change and be more demanding/challenging as their world expands. You may look back on this time in years to come and realise you have evolved into a different sort of parent for all sorts of reasons.

Blue2, youre attitiude is brilliant, in my humble opinion.

Bee, I see your point (your DCs are same age as mine) but I keep in mind that although we don't want to rush their growing, I presume sane parents are aiming for a decent, selfless, balanced person at the end of the hard parenting years? With that in mind I think we need to remind our children that although they are number 1 they also need to think about the needs of their parents in the hustle and bustle that is daily life.

Senses that is soo true. You are never too young to start learning to consider other people!

I parent (and think) just like you OP. But I recognise that it works for our family and may not work for others.