my 10month DS still waking up every 2-3hrs through the night help!

[TamaraNicolaou]

As much as I love my DS one good nights sleep is all I need, all my other friends babies of the same age have been sleeping through the night for a couple of months now, mine wont go to sleep until gone midnight cos he wants to play and then he is still semi waking throughout the night. Is this normal for an active baby? Any helpful hints as to how I can get a good nights sleep?

Thanks in advance one very tired mum....

hello, I know how you feel , it wasn´t so much the going to bed as once I stopped breastfeeding we had a very fixed bed time routine (bath, books, gro bag on, milk, bed) but only waking up 5 times a night was a good night for our 7 mo.

but luckily DP had a think about it - I was a gibbering wreck - and realised he was calmer and she expected less emotional input from him and for a couple of nights did all the night time responding - after a week or so she sleeps through or has one quick feed and it doesn´t matter if it´s me or him that goes

she was never as lively as your DS though . . . . .

We were exactly the same. Establishing a bedtime routine helped ENORMOUSLY. Nothing fancy, just dinner, bath, clean pyjamas, breastfeed, bed, walk out of the room.

If our daughter cried, we'd leave her for a couple of minutes before going back in, giving her a quick cuddle, then putting her down again. No games, no more breastfeeding, no bringing her back into the lounge room. We'd repeat this as many times as necessary.

Within a few days she was getting the hang of it and knew that dinner + bath + pyjamas + breastfeed = sleep time.

It is important to STICK WITH IT!!

Once we had the bedtime routine nailed, she'd sleep beautifully until midnight and then start waking every 2-3 hours just like your baby. I was in the bad habit of feeding her just to get her back to sleep. Bad move!!

So to combat that, we did a few nights where my partner got up every time and did the 'quick cuddle then back into bed' technique. Within a few nights, she'd learned that it wasn't really worth waking up.

My advice is to think about what is your perfect scenario, make a pact/plan with your partner then STICK TO IT. It doesn't take too long (a few nights? A week?) but you can't give up after one night.

Pip thank you, that sounds like sound advice, I have been doing the routine and he has been going to sleep after his bath/feed but only for about an hour and half and then he's wide awake! and wont sleep until midnight/2am, last night it was 3!!! At that point he is hungry again and I am having to give him another meal cos bf doesn't seem to cut it for him. Then he cries every 2 hrs... I will stop the breast feeding at that point, but how on earth do I make it so he stays tired enough to want to stay asleep after his bath???

Really want to stop this before it becomes a habit

I am sure the solution is simple but I think my tiredness has taken over the rational thinking....

Tamara,
That sounds like a total nightmare! I'm having slightly similar problems with my 7 month old, in that she wakes quite frequently about an hour after she has gone to sleep, until about midnight. It's so frustating, isn't it!

Someone suggested to me that this pattern of waking can be down to the baby being over tired. It doesn't seem very logical, but the person who said this has four children and seems certain.

I don't know if this makes any sense to you in your situation. I think it could be the case for me, as my DD's naps only total about 2 hours a day and I think it should be nearer 3. However, trying to extend these naps is not going well, but that's a whole other subject!

I'd be interested to know if you think this might be what the problem is and what you do to tackle it.

Good luck x

I think my problem stems from my DS having a fast metabolism and high energy threshold, plus, wanting to spend as much time with his dad as possible.

With all that in mind, I have sent his dad out to work LOL, and I am going to add brown rice to his dinner tonight and see if I cant fill him up for longer periods of time....

Will let you know tomorrow if it has worked oh god I hope so....

Plus follow some advice that Pip has given....

I find that evening wake ups after bedtime are on days when my son has not slept well during the day and is over tired. I'm not sure if this applies to you?, is he a good napper?

Tamara, my DS sounds very similar. We have had a bedtime routine for ages but he still wakes after an hour and wants attention. Have tried sitting in room where he can see me, where he can't see me, leaving the room etc. We are now leaving for a while then cuddle to calm down and back in cot but it seems to be taking him a while to cotton on and we have long periods of screaming. I think some of it is as he is over tired but he will only nap for half hour during the day 2 or 3 times. Am really hopig someone gives you good advice that I can follow too.

He sleeps well during the day, 2 hours at 11am/12pm (depending on what time he wakes in the morning and 2 hours at 3/4pm, but having thought about it, since reading mermaids comments, sometimes he does miss his afternoon nap if there is too much going on so it could very well be part of the problem. However, when my DS is over tired he screams the place down until he cries himself to sleep (in my arms of course, with me calming him), and with my current problem, when he wakes after his 1 half hours kip after bath/bf, he is happy, smiley and just wants to play??? It is possible I am reading this wrong? Afterall never done this mothering thing before....

Anyway, will have to wait and see how tonight goes, he's sleeping now I am hoping and praying he stays asleep after his casserole with rice added.... cos if not, I am completely at a loss....

So keep the advice and handy hints coming please

Well the rice didn't work :( he still ate another meal after his 1.5hr kip at 9pm, played until 3am with another meal at 2am (PIP i did try to settle him down at 10.30 and had your imagined voice in my head saying "stick it out" but by 11.00pm he finally managed to make me understand that he was hungry. i am also now convinced he is waiting up for his Daddy to come home from work, (due to his obvious excitement when he heard his Dad's moped at 1am this morning), so he had playtime with Daddy for a couple of hours whilst I rested. Anyway we slept from 3 til 6, 6.15 til 10 and he continues to sleep til 12. So at least we are getting our sleep LOL...

I am now going to put it down to a growth spurt, shut up and deal with it, then, god forbid this new routine of his continues, shout it out with him when he can talk... LOL....

Well as he is now eating us out of house and home at the ripe old age of 10 months I am off to the supermarket!!! ;)

I will, however, continue his evening routine in the hope that eventually he does settle back down to his old routine....

Thanks ladies for your comments, keep them coming, something might work :)

Oh dear, I think Pip is right. We have just persisted and made slight tweaks to routine and for the last couple of nights he has been really good but some nights is definatly hungry even though I don't see how he can be after big supper and milk so most of the time I try to stay firm and not give milk. Could your DH turn engine off a bit away from house and walk bike to garage so DS doesn't hear it? Keeping fingers crossed for you.

Ah thank you candr :) I think I am just going to have to deal, my DS only hears the bike when he is awake so not really a problem, if it becomes one then yes my DH will definitely be doing that LOL...

Today I have started giving him snacks as well as meals until he has said no more so will see what happens...

No help sorry lurking hoping for tips to use with DD2 due in June as DD1 woke up once a night, every night until she was 3, she's 6 now and still wakes up at least 2-3 nights a week :(

It sounds a bit like he's swapping day for night - and to some extent, you're letting him with that long nap in the afternoon. It's very rare for children of that age to have a long nap so late in the day and I can understand why he's ready to party come early evening - i would be!

If you want him to be tired come bedtime (7pm for example), he should be awake from naps by 2.30/3pm at the latest and not sleep again. Bedtime routine is really important and if he's eaten well during the day, he shouldn't need solids again during the night.

Naps during the day all differ at this age depending on the natural sleep needs of the child, but I would be aiming for a shortish nap of say 45 mins in the morning and a good 2 hour nap after lunch.

This doesn't mean he won't wake at all in the night, but being up for hours on end is different to a couple of 10 minute night wakings.

Thanks Love, I believe you are right swapping day for night, as of tomorrow I will be waking him up earlier than he wants, put up with his moaning for a couple of days and try and get him back to a normal routine, it seems now that he is falling asleep at 3am and not waking until 12.30.... with a couple of bf feeds in between (which I dont mind) but this body clock of his has to be sorted before its too late. Its only been a couple of nights so hopefully it wont take long to get back to how it should be.

Hi Tamara, I haven't checked this thread for a couple of days so I was interested to read how you've been going.

It is great that you're getting enough sleep, just a pity that it is at weird times!!

I'm absolutely no expert on this (just a new Mum too!!) but it is a topic that I've discussed loads with my other mum-friends and I reckon it really is worth trying to sort this out sooner rather than later.

There's a huge difference in the quality-of-life between my friends whose kids sleep, and those whose kids don't!!!

I agree with Love about the swapped day/night thing. It sounds like he's got jet lag!

I really think you need to cut out all the feeding and playing that is happening at night time. It is a short term solution but just delays the problem!!

Another technique that helped us was moving our daughter into another room (we don't have a nursery, but we just put the travel cot up in the lounge room) and closing the door so we weren't woken up by every little peep she made. And if she woke, we would give it five (or something) minutes before going in. It was surprising how often she'd go back to sleep before we intervened.

How do you feel about hearing your son cry? Are you able to wait a couple of minutes or do you find that too distressing? I'm not being judgey either way, just curious.

Anyway, wishing you luck!!!!!

Thanks for thinking of us Pip again all good tips :)

My DS has had his own room since he was 2 months old (he grew out of his carry cot). I do try to leave him to cry himself to sleep and sometimes it does work, but when he is not ready to sleep no matter what I do, (followed yours and others advice - going in and soothing without holding and leaving him again, etc etc) he is a very determined little bunny LOL...

I also agree with Love he had started (only the past couple of nights) sleeping from 3am til 12pm so today I woke him up at 10am, (very cranky morning but to be expected) to try and get him back into some sort of reasonable sleeping pattern, he then had an 1.5hr kip at 1pm I then took him out to try and keep him up as planned to feed him at 8pm (a little later than usual) and bath around 9.30 to have him hopefully sleep through the night from 10 (theoretically cos he would have been tired (my thinking anyway)).

Well that went to pot on my journey home... He fell asleep in the car at 6.30, I picked him up, transported him, not necessarily carefully as wanted him to wake up LOL... little sod slept through the lot and woke up wide awake at 10.30pm!!! doing his new trick of pulling himself up and standing against the cot rails with a massive proud smile on his face.... So god knows what time he will sleep tonight....

Anyway I have fed him porridge, plan on tiring him out somehow and hopefully be asleep by at least midnight.... LOL....Me thinks in my dreams

He is like his dad, wont do anything he doesn't want to do, and will sleep loads just when it suits him.... ha ha ha ....

I think I should add, that I haven't fed my DS porridge before today, my friend told me that she fed her DS his breakfast before bedtime and that was when he started sleeping through the night... So thought I would give it a go.

Anyway its midnight now, just put him to bed.... thought I had succeeded but apparently not... will update in the morning....

Night X

Hmmm... so tricky!!

It is interesting when you say he is like his Dad - will sleep when it suits him because my friend F (whose 20 month old daughter has erratic sleep patterns) says exactly the same thing. And I've always thought 'it has nothing to do with her father, it is because you allow night time to be too fun.' They end up running up and down the corridor playing monsters at 11pm - sounds brilliant fun, so no wonder their daughter doesn't want to sleep!

I think you've gotta teach your baby good sleep skills/habits. I'm only saying this from my experience - our baby was a nightmare for a while and I was breastfeeding every flippin' 90 minutes just to get some peace. But I kinda realised that I was creating/perpetuating the problem - it wasn't that my baby was a bad sleeper, rather that we weren't giving her the best guidance.

When my partner and I want to change something about our daughter's routine (ie. cutting out the bedtime breastfeed, or the night feeds) we wait until we're not too busy - for example, over a weekend.

We make a goal (ie. not breastfeeding until 6am) then work out how we'll stick to it. We've sometimes done it in shifts - I'm on duty till 3am (while he sleeps with earplugs!) then he's on duty till 6am (and I put in ear plugs).

Sounds like you're doing similar stuff and taking turns, but it sounds like you just have to interact with your baby less when he's wakeful.

Obviously, please feel free to ignore all this - I'm just nattering away to you like I would my NCT mates! I'm good at giving advice that has no factual basis, hahaha.

Ah, I just saw your update about the porridge. I don't think hunger is actually the issue, if your son is eating plenty during the day and having plenty of breastfeeds.

PS. I've cursed myself, and I can hear my daughter crying now at 22.36. hahahahahahahahaha. DAMNIT!! hahaha.

Oh god it sounds hard work for you, we had loads of wake ups that age, but no playing and wanting to eat - just screaming and umpteen breast feeds ...
Fab advice from everyone, just wanted to add we found some advice in this book really good, and pretty sure there is a section about resetting body clocks when they are awake too late or waking too early
www.amazon.co.uk/Teach-Your-Child-Sleep-Childhood/dp/0600613453

Totally agree with Pip that (by and large), poor sleep habits are not 100% natural - in that there's nothing you can do about it and it's just the way the child is made. Of course, there are plenty of children who don't sleep the way some books say they should, but there are also some whose parents who, unwittingly, encourage bad habits which then stick fast and are really hard to break. No judgement whatsoever, BTW - before anyone says I'm being mean. :) I know parenting is blooming hard work and you do whatever you need to, to get through the night.

Do you know what has prompted this change in his routine? What were his sleep and feeding patterns like before he started being a night owl? The really good news is that if he's only been doing it for a few days, it will be relatively easy to sort out. I would write down the ideal routine you want to aim for in the long-term, with times for feeds and naps, and then start to formulate his days and nights in accordance with this. He will rebel and it won't go smoothly - but if you are patient and consistent (IMO, consistency is vvvv important), then eventually, he'll get the message and so will his bodyclock that nighttimes are for sleeping! :)

I feel your pain as I have only just got through this with dc2 who spent first 11 months waking every 2 to 3 hours. I agree with Pip. Routine is absolutely important - we always had this, so he's always gone down at 8pm. However, what finally cracked it was letting him cry for a few mins rather than rushing it at the first sound. Babies sleep in v short sleep cycles and come into lighter sleep very regularly. Everytime he got to a lighter sleep cycle he woke up and I rushed in. I eventually cracked at 11 months and decided that he needed to learrn to settle himself. He didn't cry for more than 5 mins, but it was still very hard. What I have also noticed is that his daytime sleep is much better now as well. The last couple of weeks have been bliss. Hope any of this helps and you find a solution soon too.

If he falls asleep at 3am, I would let him sleep until 8 am latest, breakfast/ play etc.. Then down at 10 for 45 mins, play/ lunch etc, then 2 hour nap at around 1:30. Or whenever he naps but make a cut off of say you will wake if he's still asleep at 4/4.30pm. He should be tired be 7/8 pm. Anytime he's awake after bedtime, keep as no playtime, dark room, minimal interaction. Hopefully he will learn after a few days when is playtime/ funtime and when is sleep time

Everyone, thank you so much for all your tips, I am taking them all on board... my Plan A (last night didn't work) so onto plan B which is better for me anyway.

Love a couple of things have changed, my DH has started evening work and doesn't get home til late and we have recently come back from holiday so all in all a few changes for our little man, bless him.

forevergreek I tried waking him up earlier yesterday and had a nightmare of a day, and it still didn't work so working on plan b...

we had our normal day, he woke after falling asleep at 2am, slight improvement on 3am , at 12 pm. He then had his afternoon sleep at 2 til 3.30. We went out for supper, lots of stimulation and on way home sang very loudly to keep him awake... it worked, managed to bath him and made him play for as long as he wanted to, then gave him a BF and he fell asleep at 8.30pm. fingers crossed he will sleep at least until midnight when I know I will be able to keep him asleep as that was his old routine (Fingers Crossed).....

I am now also waiting before rushing in, sometimes he does settle and others he really starts to howel and that's when I weaken under the pressure but managed to settle him so think we are slowly getting somewhere, she says trying to convince herself.... LOL...

Thanks again everyone, you have all been very helpful, and don't worry Pip didn't take any of your comments as judgemental .

Anyway, i am going to treat myself to an early night with wishful thinking, Night