She looks nothing like you!! Why does that hurt so much?

[nrvsmum2b]

So many people come to me over and over to tell me how much my baby looks "nothing like me" and is "the spitting image of her father". I think she does look like me (has my eyes, and my nose). But why does it hurt so much when people say that? Why would other mums say that knowing how it might feel? If I saw a child who looked nothing like her mum, I would just comment on what a lovely baby she/he is, and leave it at that- no need to mention who the baby takes after...

It wouldn't occur to me that it might upset someone TBH so it might be something I would say. I have one DD who looks just like me and one who looks just like her dad and it doesn't bother me one bit. Why do you find it upsetting?

I also find it upsetting, I am not really sure why. She is my daughter no matter who she looks like so it shouldn't matter but it does. I don't think people mean anything unpleasant by it but sometimes I feel it is a bit insensitive if someone bangs on about it.

Maybe I feel that my genes are being disrepected? I.e. I must have crap DNA as it isn't being passed on?

I also have a friend who gets very upset when people insist on pointing out she looks nothing like her son. So I don't think we are that unusual.

It is the gleeful insistence of some which is upsetting. They feel they have to keep repeating it, yep heard you the first time thanks.

I'll be honest I don't understand why you would be so upset.

DS was the image of his dad as a baby. Looked nothing like me. Like I'd had nothing to do with it. At 10 he is now the living image of me. So much so it's funny.

DD(3) is the image of her dad. So much so people just can't help but point it out because it's comical.
It tickles them how alike they are.

They aren't being horrible. They are simply just saying. I always laughed it off.

nrvsmum2b How old is your baby? I only ask because I've noticed that very often babies look like their fathers in the first few months (say up to about 8/9 months) and then as they get older look more like their mums. Actually I'm sure I read that this is a real thing that happens, as back in cave man times the man would be more likely to stay around and care for the newborn if it looked like him! (sure I read this once and haven't just made it up!)

I've heard that too MyMelody, I think it was on MN so it must be true :o

I would never dream of saying to a mother that her baby looks nothing like her, for fear of it being rude, but I would say "oh doesn't s/he look like his/her dad!"

DD1 was the image of DH when she was a baby and everyone used to say so but now she has grown a bit (almost 5) everybody says that she looks more like me. She has blue eyes like mine and fair hair.

DD2 (14 months) doesn't have a scrap of me in her. She looks like DH created her on his own! My sister joked that it looks like someone has superimposed his head on a baby girl :o

I get the same. They always look like their dad, Mine are mixed race though so they really don't! They are complimented on their looks though so that is fine by me. It would be worse if they said your kids were ugly and that they looked like you!
Doesnt bother me one bit, I don't think the poor little mites would be grateful if they looked like me anyway and I am so glad I don't look like my mum (that might sound horrid but its true!)

I don't understand why you'd be upset by it.
I've ALWAYS been told ds (in particular) is "just like his Dad" / "no mistaking who the father is, ho, ho" / "scarily like dh - poor lad" / "Oh, he looks so much like dh, never mind he might grow out of it" etc. Never found it upsetting in the least.
tbh, it does't upest me when people look at dd2 and start questioning why she doesn't look like either of us (which I can see some easily offended people might be upset by).
People are just making conversation. Get over it.

Do you think that you might be upset because you've done all the work getting your baby into the world ie. being pregnant, giving birth etc and you're not getting any credit?

Surely would be worse to say such comments to the father, at least you know,your baby came from you, you were at the birth!

I often look atDS2 and wonder if I'm his biological mum, and then remember I was pregnant with him and was there when he was born [born]

I don't understand WHY you are upset by this, but I understand that you ARE.

DD looked nothing like me as a baby. She was the image of DH. I'd almost wonder what of me she had inherited. As she's grown, she's become much more like me.

DS could be DD's twin. In a few years you'll be able to show me photos of DD, DS and DH at the same age and I'll struggle to tell them apart.

Next time someone says it just say 'well its a relief she doesn't look like the milkman!' with a wink

I think its natural to be upset by it be honest when you've just had a baby I think RobinSparkles has hit the nail on the head actually, it feels a bit like a kick in the teeth when youv'e put all this work in and then someone says they look nothing like you!

I couldnt give a hoot if random people think and say that DD looks 'the spit of her dad'....she does. Yes, she has my eyes, but other than that she is totally him. I just reply with 'well its a good job he's handsome then'.

It did sting a little when my DMum said "Your DD looks so much like her dad's side of the family, im a little disappointed if im honest"

I get the same but it doesn't bother me at all. Mainly because DH has lovely olive skin and dark brown eyes and I'm pasty with boring mousey hair. I think DD is very lucky to have DH's colouring and so when people say it to me, I just say "I know, luckily for her!".

People won't be saying it to upset you and like asking the birthweight of your child or what her name is, it's a standard topic of conversation when they see a baby/young child. Try not to be upest by it.

Yes I've heard the small babies look like Dad idea. DD1 actually looked more like FIL than DH when she was very tiny.

She now looks more like me, poor soul.

DD2 doesn't look like anyone

Never bothered me because non of my family look particularly alike.
I look absolutely nothing like my taller, broad shouldered blond sister. She does look very like my oldest school friend. If we were out together everyone assumed they were the sisters.

It reminds me of a SMA advert that used to be in Mother and Baby magazine, it said something like-

You've sacrificed your career, your figure, (something else can't remember only to hear babys first words............da da!!

Hey she may not look like you but she may have your character and personality, (or some traits of them), she may develop your mannerisms; there's a million little things that show whose father and mother a person has!

My 19-year-old from my first marriage eats a sandwich exactly like his father always did (don't ask) and it drives me nuts (ha ha!).

It might be something about your sense of self-worth, imo. How is your self-esteem?

I've heard that newborns look that their dads so that the da doesn't reject them thing before too. Must hark back to our monkey days.

Both my DC where the double of DH when tiny. They where also the double of each other, like having the same baby twice!! It's the first thing anyone says and I don't mind. I love DH and obviously find him attractive. Your baby will change and my Dd now looks more like me.

I have to confess that it drives me up the wall and round the bend that my MIL is so resolutely insistent that all 4 of my dcs are mini-mes of her children and hauls out photos almost every time we see them. She is equally insistent that her other gc take after their 'other' parent (the one that's not her child, iyswim). Drive me bananas. I have to bite my tongue and not say I hope it's the only resemblance .

I got so pissed off when DS1 was little and everyone would go on about how he didn't look anything like me, was the spit of DH's family etc etc. He was a really difficult baby, the birth hadn't been straightforward and I was recovering, he did not sleep, I was off work and nothing was how I'd imagined it to be etc etc. After being through all that to be told that he looked nothing like me was awful. It was like I was nothing more than a gestator for DH's genes.

He grew older and started being his own little person rather than a collection of features IYKWIM, I went back to work and got a bit more sleep so it wasn't so much of an issue. Then I had 2 more babies was just excited to see how our genes had combined this time round. DH's family still go on about how much DS1 is "their" side of the family but I can't see it and don't care any more I am getting a little weirded out by how much DD looks like I did as I child though. I showed DS1 a picture of me when I was little and he refused to believe it wasn't DD.

My DC look nothing like me - and I'm so pleased about it! What does that say about me?!

Regardless, your feelings are valid. How old is your DD? Give it time I'm sure people will eventually see traits of you in your DD. In the menatime, focus on the lovely comments.