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Parenting

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Original poster

She looks nothing like you!! Why does that hurt so much?

44 replies

nrvsmum2b · 26/04/2012 12:37

So many people come to me over and over to tell me how much my baby looks "nothing like me" and is "the spitting image of her father". I think she does look like me (has my eyes, and my nose). But why does it hurt so much when people say that? Why would other mums say that knowing how it might feel? If I saw a child who looked nothing like her mum, I would just comment on what a lovely baby she/he is, and leave it at that- no need to mention who the baby takes after...

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redstormrising · 26/04/2012 13:42

A bit off topic, but on the subject of mannerisms..... my youngest (2 years) 'speaks' on his toy phone. He babbles babbles babbles, then says 'aaah.... aaah.... aaaaah....' in EXACTLY the same way as my mother does. This specific mannerism of my mother's drives me crazy... but considering they live on a different continent and see him rarely I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that he is copying that mannerism from me.

I have heard the 'babies look like their fathers because...' theory too.

Pantone363 · 26/04/2012 13:44

How would a caveman know what he looked like? I'm guessing they didn't have mirrors around then.

I've never understood that saying.

PooPooInMyToes · 26/04/2012 13:47

Pantone. Oh yeah! That never occurred to me before!

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MyMelody · 26/04/2012 13:50

I'm sure they were always gazing lovingly at their reflections in the local river

TheOneWithTheHair · 26/04/2012 13:52

They looked in water I suppose.

My dcs look nothing like me and everyone comments. It doesn't hurt me but it's a bit annoying as they always seem to think they're the first to say it.

PooPooInMyToes · 26/04/2012 13:56

My mil was always saying my first looked like her family . . . too much! Especially as members of my close family have died and i had no one to point out how similar my baby was to me as a child, it made it feel particularly insensitive.

The most extreme she got was saying that my baby looked like a distant non blood relation on her side. How the hell would that happen!

exexe · 26/04/2012 13:57

Is it the way they say it?

My dcs look nothing like me. Me and dh are very dissimilar in terms of colouring and both ds look like him. People always point it out and it annoys me as I just want to say 'do you think I haven't noticed??'
It doesn't make me feel sad though.

becstarsky · 26/04/2012 13:59

LOVE the phrase up thread and echo - I don't understand why you are upset but I can understand that you ARE and I'm sorry you feel sad about it.

My DS is definitely a mini-me of DH in looks and I love it. I love my DH, and I love seeing his eyes when I look in my DSs eyes (yes I know I'm a soppy mare...). People commented on it a lot when DS was a baby and I encouraged them - agreeing vociferously and quite possibly boring them on the subject

Now DS is older I can see a lot more of myself in him but I don't 'connect' with those aspects of him (because I guess you're always more critical of yourself than you are of the person you love) in the same way as when I notice him do something just the way his Dad would and my heart melts. Yes, really, a very soppy mare...

RobinSparkles · 26/04/2012 14:08

"Both my DC where the double of DH when tiny. They where also the double of each other, like having the same baby twice!"

Mine were the same! :o but now that DD2 is a little bit older they look completely different. DD1 is blonde with blue eyes and DD2 is dark haired with brown eyes.

hmc · 26/04/2012 14:13

I have two dc with white blonde hair - both dh and I are brown haired. I thought the dc's hair may darken as they grew older but they are 8 and nearly 10 and no sign yet. I have had someone question their parentage - as if they can't believe they are ours! It didn't hurt me exactly - I was taken aback....and I dont think aforementioned person intended offence, just a case of foot in mouth and thinking aloud

RobinSparkles · 26/04/2012 14:21

I know a few people who have dark hair but have really blonde children.

We're all dark haired (well mine's light brown) and dd1 is blonde. I think she feels left out at times - she's desperate for dark hair!

TheCunningStunt · 26/04/2012 14:23

DS looks exactly like me. Dd looks like my (female) partner who has no genetic link to her, and she looks very like my MIL(no genetic link) its weird, but in a lovely way.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/04/2012 14:32

My DS is blonde, blue-eyed and fair-skinned. I am dark-haired, dark-eyed and positively swarthy!!! I've studied that kid's face for years looking for a resemblance to me and failed. It bothered me slightly but, now he's a lot more grown-up, I realise we may not look alike but we have very similar personalities. Far better.

BTW the answer to 'you don't look anything like your baby' is 'OMG!!!!! I've brought the wrong one home from the hospital!!!!! Call the police!!!!'

BackforGood · 26/04/2012 15:28

People often also see what they are "looking for" in babies too. Surely we all know adopted children who have been told "Don't you look like your...Dad/Mum/sibling" when there's actually no genetic link at all.

HappyJoyful · 26/04/2012 15:34

I always have a laugh at this subject as I'm often heard replying 'it's great she looks like her dad' and then debate the subject in summary as - DH has great looks, nice proportioned features and generally is (not just in my opinion honest) good looking.. whilst I have no lack of self esteem or confidence, I do have a giant hooter (the cause of much bullying and torment in childhood years) and relatively small head and don't consider myself to be on the 'good looking' scale - therefore I'd far rather pass his 'beauty' onto my daughter than my own looks..
as many say, not sure why you so fussed..

TalHotBlond · 26/04/2012 15:37

It's far worse when people tell you they look nothing like their father!

spongefingers · 26/04/2012 15:37

Most people who know my DH look at DS1 and DS2 and comment "ooooo...don't the look like their dad?!", although a few now see more of a resemblance between DS1 and me, and others say that DS2 looks like my brother. I see a mix for DS1, but DS2 still looks very much like DH to me as well. Doesn't really bother me - but I have been known to say "I know, but it's ok, they'll grow out of it" .

Becksharp · 26/04/2012 16:56

People are always saying to me "don't DS1 and DS2 look like your DH?!" and I suppose they're right they kind of do, but he's not their dad! (he does know this, from a previous relationship)

Pudgy2011 · 26/04/2012 18:33

My first thought on seeing DS when he was born after "it's a boy" was "holy balls, the kid looks nothing like me" - he is now 7 months and I'm starting to see similarities from me coming through. He is still a mini-DH but when he's up to mischief (which is most of the time) and when he's grinning like a loon (again, most of the time) he looks like me.

Doesn't bother me that he looks more like his dad though, DH is a growly, rugged Scotsman. Why I married him.

Neither DH or I look anything like we did when we were babies so it will be interesting to watch DS as he grows.

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