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Original poster

WWYD - I've got a 3 yr old in my house I don't know and doesn't know me!

61 replies

Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:34

ok, I may be a bit more pfb that other parents, we live in a quiet cul-de-sac and I didnt let ds out to play himself until he was about 5 and he played with the 7 yr old across the other side of the cul-de-sac.

Now he is just turned 8 he is moving a bit further afield (round the corner to the swing park and the two streets joining - still away from any main roads).

He's met some more boys of varying ages and is loving playing out.

Now for the second time (first time only dh was in) he has come back with two boys age 7 and 8 to play in our garden with ds's goals. I dont know these boys, but have no problem with this as they are 7/8.

BUT, they have brought with them another (lovely, polite, confident) little boy who is only 3. From asking it appears he plays with them and stays about 2 streets away. I asked if his parents know where he is and they say they do - they told his dad.

Would you let him stay and play or go and find his parents? Do people really let their 3 yrs olds out this far into peoples houses they dont know?

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Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:35

they are all playing away really well (ds in is an only so its great he's got some company)

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 22/04/2012 15:37

Apparently they do!
I'd be a bit worried though as well - but I'd ask the other 2 boys if they know where he lives and I'd probably go round and find out if his parents know where he is.

I may be a bit PFB as well but there's no way I'd have let DS out at 3 to randomly wander the streets with other children! Shock

solidgoldbrass · 22/04/2012 15:39

Are you sure this little boy isn't the sibling of one of the older ones?

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2012 15:39

It sounds like the other kids are used to this arrangement and tbh it's up to the 3 year olds parents to sort him out, not you. If they have a problem with it, they shouldn't be letting him out to play or should be making sure he knows the boundaries (which they probably have and this is probably ok with them) I'm sure it will all be OK.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2012 15:41

Me either Thumb. I'm all for them 'playing out' but with a 3 yo I'd want to know exactly where they were!...however, many people don't seem to share that attitude and as the other kids seem confident it's all 'normal & OK' then I'd tend to believe that.

Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:41

nope not related to each other. it does seem to be a standard arrangement, but my ds(8) is new to this group so they won't know me.........

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Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:42

they being the parents

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Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:43

I'm keeping an eye out of the front window incase there is any frantic parents out trying to find their child!

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LadySybilDeChocolate · 22/04/2012 15:46

Do the other children know who his parents are and where they live? I'd take him home to be honest. If they don't, I'd call the police.

milkysmum · 22/04/2012 15:47

oh my god i have a 3 year old and no way would i let them out with two older children unless i knew EXACTLY where they were!! i'd try and get the address and check the parents know

bebemoojem · 22/04/2012 15:52

Hmm seems a little suspicious... the 3yo might be allowed to be with the older kids under certain rules...but to be in a 'strangers' house? Seems unlikely to me. I think the older kids might be misunderstanding a little. I think I'd kick them all out to the park, or get them to play outside.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 22/04/2012 15:54

Come on people, seriously. Would you leave two 7/8 year olds in charge of a 3 year old?? You need to get the child home OP or call the police.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 22/04/2012 15:57

I have a 4 and a half year old and no way would she be allowed out to play at someone's house unless I'd met either of the parents and knew where they lived! I'd go and find his parents and make sure they know where he is, just to be on the safe side.

This doesn't really shock me though depending on where you live. My sister used to live somewhere where all the kids played out together in the street. Not a problem unless one of them is about 2 (certainly no older than 3) wearing only a nappy and vest (in february!) and no shoes or socks wandering aimlessly in the road. My sister managed to work out where he lived from one of the other children (he couldn't/wouldnt talk) and his mum hadn't even realised he'd gone! She thought he was playing out the front still, on his own with his cars. She didn't know he'd wandered 2 streets away! I was Shock when she told me that!

DowagersHump · 22/04/2012 15:57

I'm sure you're lovely OP but there is no way in the world I'd want a 3YO in a stranger's house. Apart from anything else, do you really want to be responsible for him??

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2012 15:59

LSDC - if you read the other posts you will see that the children told the 3 year olds Dad where he was. It might not be what you would do - but calling the police, do get a grip!

Yes, I would actually let a 3 yo play out with a 7 & 8 year old.

HecateTrivia · 22/04/2012 15:59

I would take him home. Deliver him to his door. "Hi, I thought you might be worried. He showed up at my house with X and Y." or something.

I would not (do not) have a child in my home if I don't know the parent.

Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:59

have seen the little boy around two or three times when I've went to check up on ds again ask ds something, and he does play with this group.

I have sent them all back with the 3 yr old to give his parents a note saying this is where he is (our name, address, telephone number). ds(8) gave the dad the note saying this is where we live/where the 3 yr old is playing and the dad said ok and that was it!

They are all now back and playing together.

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startail · 22/04/2012 16:00

I'd feel uncomfortably responsible for a 3 yo in my garden, especially if it wasn't the younger sibling of the other two.

Not sure what to advise, but I would want a house no. at least for all three boys.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 22/04/2012 16:02

I have read the other posts, chipping Hmm

Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 16:32

rain's off and they are now away back around to where they usually play (saw ds holding 3yr old's hand to cross the road - awww!)

ds is an only so I am happy to encourage his new friends to call on him, and feel at home around our house (dish out ice lollies, drinks) and don't mind the 7/8 yrs old coming in and out (I do ask them if their parents know where they are if they look as if they are staying for any length of time).

think chipping has got it sussed, if the parents are ok with it, its their call, but, it still felt wrong with him only being 3. (we are in a modern/quiet/smallish cul-de-sac rabbit warren type estate with no through roads and noone talks to each other).

all the boys seem to play together, and he's the youngest by miles, but plays with the group well. I can't exclude him from coming in if the rest do, or say to the rest they cant come in because he is with them - or should I?

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poppyboo · 22/04/2012 16:42

OMG I'd phone the police, I have a 4 year old and I wouldn't let her out with older children. I'm shocked! :O

TiredTits · 22/04/2012 16:42

If his parents feel its ok and you don't want to exclude him then I guess it would be ok.

DD1 & DD2 play out 10 & 8 but DD3 isn't allowed 4, she knows she isn't allowed even near the gate let alone follow everyone out when they disappear off again.

She just says "I can't wait to be 8"

I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with her wandering off with older children and it wouldn't be fair on DD1 to have to watch out for her let alone expect neighbours to have to check she has whipped her bum and remembers to wash her hands if she needed to use the bathroom!!

rookiemater · 22/04/2012 16:45

I'd try to find out where the 3yr old lives and speak to the parents, even just to check that they are happy he is so far away from home and to swap telephone numbers - I wouldn't be keen to have him in the house without knowing the parents to be honest, what happens if something happens to him, you would be held responsible.

I wouldn't be happy with it, I'm relatively laissez faire but until DS was 5, I would come with him to ring doorbells when he was playing with his friends.

Original poster
Lindax · 22/04/2012 16:45

good point TT. If he needs the loo he's getting sent home!

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Tee2072 · 22/04/2012 16:48

You'd phone the police?

His parents know where he is, they are fine about where he is. There is nothing illegal here.