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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

WWYD - I've got a 3 yr old in my house I don't know and doesn't know me!

61 replies

Lindax · 22/04/2012 15:34

ok, I may be a bit more pfb that other parents, we live in a quiet cul-de-sac and I didnt let ds out to play himself until he was about 5 and he played with the 7 yr old across the other side of the cul-de-sac.

Now he is just turned 8 he is moving a bit further afield (round the corner to the swing park and the two streets joining - still away from any main roads).

He's met some more boys of varying ages and is loving playing out.

Now for the second time (first time only dh was in) he has come back with two boys age 7 and 8 to play in our garden with ds's goals. I dont know these boys, but have no problem with this as they are 7/8.

BUT, they have brought with them another (lovely, polite, confident) little boy who is only 3. From asking it appears he plays with them and stays about 2 streets away. I asked if his parents know where he is and they say they do - they told his dad.

Would you let him stay and play or go and find his parents? Do people really let their 3 yrs olds out this far into peoples houses they dont know?

OP posts:

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2012 17:08

I can't believe that people would phone the police? Talk about a huge over reaction. It is up to the parents to decide if their child is allowed to play out and who with. His parents have let him out to play, the older children told his Dad where they were going... MYOBB.

Lindax - most 3 year olds I know are quite able to go to the toilet by themselves and have been doing so for a year - he will be fine

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 17:35

If something happened to that child the OP would be responsible, I wouldn't want to be put it that sort of situation without even knowing the parents!

Original poster

Lindax · 22/04/2012 17:42

chipping - you never met my ds when he was 3!!!!!! bum wiping was an issue we are thankfully well past now

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2012 17:47

TheMonster · 22/04/2012 17:49

at whipped his bum!

Sparklingbrook · 22/04/2012 17:51

at phoning the police. Could they not have bought the parents' phone numbers for you when they came back?

Go back with them and introduce yourself.

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 18:14

It's interesting seeing different attitudes on here about a three year old being left to go out and about with older kids for protection :O

SocietyClowns · 22/04/2012 18:19

I would be quite concerned and see it as neglect by the parents. I don't think 7 year olds can and should be responsible for a 3 year old and I also would not want to be responsible if something happened to the child in my garden or house.

Chipping -seriously? Most three year olds you know have wiped their own bum for a least a year? Well, where I live many three year olds are only just out of nappies and far from independently going to the loo and wiping their bottom. My nearly 5 year old struggles with that (but she's particular and terrified she won't do a good enough job).

HecateTrivia · 22/04/2012 18:26

I do think 3 is far too young to be allowed out like that - no clue where they are, what they're doing.

Having them on the street, watching them. Or knowing that they are at such and such a house - people you know is less unreasonable, I suppose, but opening your door and letting your 3 yr old child out without knowing where they will be and entrusting them to other small children is not in their best interests, imo.

If social services were to be asked whether that was a reasonable and responsible thing, or a neglectful thing - what do you think they'd say? I am not advocating calling social services btw! I just think that it would not be seen as a reasonable thing to do.

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 18:27

My just turned four year old likes to have me around still when she uses the toilet incase she needs help...
I also think leaving a three year old to go out and about like that is neglect. I'm really quite shocked to be honest. I also wouldn't want to be in the OP shoes in this situation.

DowagersHump · 22/04/2012 18:44

ChippingIn - but it is the OP's business if she is being left (unwillingly) in loco parentis. What if he hurts himself? Does he know where he lives? I bet he doesn't know his address or his surname.

If (god forbid) the EMS were needed, I am fairly sure they would contact SS.

Plonker · 22/04/2012 18:59

Oh my, I wouldn't like it at all.

I actually think it is neglectful to allow a 3yo to play unsupervised in a strangers house. I would take the child back home tbh.

bean612 · 22/04/2012 20:15

I agree with most of the posters - my DD is 3.4 and there's no way on god's green earth I'd let her out playing on her own with people I didn't know. She does know her surname but not her address or how to get home from more than a road or two away (not that I've tested out this theory), and while I'm quite sure you're lovely, you could be anyone. What if the older boys who take the 3YO round with them get bored with him, or lose him, or yes, he hurts himself? I wouldn't advocate leaping to the phone to call the police/SS either, but I would be seriously concerned.

Portofino · 22/04/2012 20:25

I had this once. We live in a quiet cul de sac and the dcs play outside. Dd has a strict rule that if she goes into one of the others houses she has to tell me first....I am not sure the other parents worry so much, but generally it is OK. One day, they all came in and went upstairs. After an hour they came back down with a small child I had never seen before. And she only spoke Dutch ( the others are all french speaking).

Well I was freaking out a bit, when the doorbell rang - bloke stood there - "Do you have Lisa?" "Um, yes - does she belong to you?" Me - gobsmacked that he had no clue where she was. "I have to go to work- there is an emergency - I will be back in 2 hours, OK?" Bloke clears off before I could say a word!! I was .

Poor little mite! I asked in my best Dutch - ie not very good - where is Mummy? "Holland" she said! I was totally shocked that he left his dd with someone he does not know from Adam and felt so sorry for the mother - presumably this was an access visit....just awful!

tralalala · 22/04/2012 20:28

I am the least over protective parent I know pretty much and would never let a three year old out like this. Think it is quite serious to be honest. Even when we were kids in the 70s a 3 year old wouldn;t be off their own street, and our parents were dead lax.

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 20:35

I agree! It is awful, anything could happen to that poor child. I know some posters were laughing about calling the police
, but I do think it is that awful! It's terrible to even think what could happen :o

Francagoestohollywood · 22/04/2012 20:44

No, I wouldn't let a 3 yrs old out and about under the responsibility of other slightly older children.
To be fair the OP isn't more responsible for the 3 yrs old than she is of the 8 yrs old when they are playing at her place.

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 20:47

I think at 3 the child is so much more vulnerable but I see what you mean, plus it the not knowing the parents/parents not originally knowing where child was...

Original poster

Lindax · 22/04/2012 21:25

from what I saw today, the 3 yr old plays with the 7/8 year olds, more by chance than organised by the parents. they all seem to play in the same area (little toddler play park between each of the streets they live in). the 7/8 yr olds have not been asked to look after the 3 yr old he was just part of the little group.

the 8yr old went home which left ds, the 7yr old and the 3 yr old playing in my garden. the 7yr old suddenly looked at his watch and said he was late and headed for the front door, I asked if he was taking the 3 yr old home but he just said he was really late and ran off home, leaving just ds and the 3 yr old. so they are definitely not looking after him!

ds took 3 yr old back home.

OP posts:

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 21:33

Lindax are you going to alert anyone about this? The three year old was basically abandoned at your home, I think that should cause serious concern for the safety of that child. Can you get advice from SS about this?

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 21:34

Seriously, you need to contact social services about this, it sounds like that child is at risk.

Francagoestohollywood · 22/04/2012 21:38

I think you should try and speak with the parents, I would have taken the 3 yr old back and tried to tactfully understand this set up.

TiredTits · 22/04/2012 21:38

Maybe if I did Whip DD's bum she might remember to wipe, flush and wash hands after every visit!!

Lindax your last post just sums it up for me. What if they were in the street and the 7y old realized he was late and run off leaving the 3y old on his own

poppyboo · 22/04/2012 21:44

Lindax I really hope you report this to someone, I'm feeling so worried for the child. The older children aren't even siblings and should not be left in care of a three year old. That child could be abandoned anywhere.

Jinsei · 22/04/2012 21:44

Hmm. I have a very mature and responsible dd who is nearly seven. There is no way I would want her (or her slightly older friends) to have responsibility for a 3yo. I don't think it's fair on the older kids tbh. What if something happened?

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