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Parenting

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Original poster

Three children...?

31 replies

ccj2011 · 15/04/2012 19:22

...what's it like? I have two lovely boys (3.5 and 13 months) who I love to bits. I am a full time mum and, truth be told, I find them demanding yet very rewarding. I am exhausted most of the time as they are absolutely FULL of energy. Tantrums, screams, running, jumping, battles over dinner - you know how it is!

I can't believe that I am even considering a third but as my youngest gets older I feel like one more child may make our little family complete. I am also wondering whether we should start TTC sooner rather than later so that I can have the children close in age. I want to go back to work at some stage and don't want to spend too long away from work. I also fear if I leave it too much longer the thought of starting all over again would be too much.

I would love to hear what people think. Did you always want three? Do you 'regret' it or best thing ever? Is the leap from 2 to 3 easier or more challenging? Do you now find it financially draining? Does the middle one somehow miss out? What advice would you give?

Part of me would love to do it again but the other half wonders if I would feel like we have spread ourselves too thin - both emotionally and financially... My husband is keen but has the same worries.

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Catsmamma · 15/04/2012 19:25

after two it kind of goes to crowd control....so if you like to negotiate and be calm and reasoned get Ready to Ruuuuuuumble!! :D

my third (ds2) was born when dd was 2 and ds1 was 5

lucamom · 15/04/2012 19:32

I might be wrong, but I can't imagine you'll get many saying they regret their third.

We've recently had our third (2 boys aged 5 & 3.5, now also have daughter aged 5mths), and to be honest I've not really found it too much harder. There was only 18 Mths between the boys so having them as baby & toddler was more tiring, now they're a bit more independent (can go to loo, feed themselves etc) this time round seems easier (and we're probably more relaxed ).

I always wanted three (actually always wanted four but hubby won't agree), and as one of three myself it feels like the perfect sized family.

I can relate to your feelings of babies growing up. I'm a sahm and would happily keep going, but have also planned to resurrect my career when youngest goes to school.

kilmuir · 15/04/2012 19:35

Have 4. Hard work but no regrets

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Original poster

ccj2011 · 15/04/2012 19:38

sorry, I know regret is the wrong word which was why I put it in inverted commas - but, you know what I mean...

Thanks for your replies. Calm and reasoned - yikes, I am not sure I am all day long :). I do worry about the age gaps. Around 2 years seems a little quick (gulp!)

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Original poster

ccj2011 · 15/04/2012 19:41

4!! kilmiur - you are one very brave person. Of course, there is a lady who lives locally who decided (with some reservations) to have a third child and has now naturally conceived triplets!! I think I would collapse!

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 15/04/2012 19:42

I had ds when dd2 was 3 and dd1 was 4, I have found it incredibly hard work having 3, especially because ds had horrendous silent reflux, and when he was 6 months old we realised there were other problems, he has delays in all areas and problems with his muscles and feeding. The last year and a half (he is 21months now) has been filled with tests, scans and hospital appointments to ascertain a reason for his various problems. There have been some times when he has been really ill, or in hospital, and it is then very hard to keep everyone happy.

But, he is a wonder, and both the girls adore him and play with him beautifully. He is incredibly lucky to have them, and they him. I cannot imagine our lives without him here.

FashionEaster · 15/04/2012 19:42

I have 3 and would say it's a lot harder, could just about divide myself into 2 but 3 is a struggle! Holidays, hotel rooms, days out etc are often geared with the idea of 2 dcs and not 3. Simple stuff like going swimming and parent-to-child ratios is a problem. I felt that with 2 there was something missing but now I have 3 I sometimes feel I have one too many! Dc3 is lovely but lots of hard work in ways that the other two were not. It might just be the age dc3 is at though (nearly 2).

Thefoxsbrush · 15/04/2012 19:46

I have a 15 month old, 2yr11month old and 5 year old. They all play together (and fight together) and its lovely to watch. Life is very busy and I can only imagine it getting busier but I love it

ChippyMinton · 15/04/2012 19:49

When it's good it's very very good.
And when it's bad it's horrid.

I recommend a 14' trampoline so they can all bounce at once

diddlediddledumpling · 15/04/2012 19:59

I always wanted 3, maybe because I'm one of three. Ds3 born 3 months ago, ds1 is almost 6 and ds2 is 3.6. The age gap is perfect now, because ds2 is at playgroup 4 mornings a week and ds1 is at school. so I'm at home with just the baby, which is bliss! just coming to the end of the school holidays, which I had dreaded a wee bit, but it's been lovely having all three of them here. having said that, ds3's needs are pretty easy to meet at the minute and he's a great baby, much easier than the first two! No doubt life will get more hectic in the coming months, but at the minute, it's great. I feel very lucky.

Original poster

ccj2011 · 15/04/2012 20:00

Oh gawd, all my fears are surfacing reading these. Thanks for your honesty. Most days I feel like I am tearing my hair out with the boys. My DS1 is really quite a tricky customer and quite challenging. I worry I wouldn't be able to cope with 3 - you must need nerves of steel! Although, I think about three bright and bubble kids sat round the dinner table in years to come and see how wonderful it would be. I love the idea of it but the reality may not live up to that.

I also worry that I am hankering for a little girl. I have my eyes wide open to having a baby boy and I loves boys but maybe there is an underlying need that may not be fulfilled and then what!?

OP posts:

LucyLastik · 15/04/2012 20:03

ChippyMinton Sun 15-Apr-12 19:49:53
When it's good it's very very good.
And when it's bad it's horrid.

I recommend a 14' trampoline so they can all bounce at once

Exactly that!

HSMM · 15/04/2012 20:05

I was one of three and I loved it, so I was planning to have three myself (I had one ).

My siblings and I are still very close, but I'm sure that's not always the case.

WinkyWinkola · 15/04/2012 20:10

I have 3. Ds1 who is 7, dd who is 5 and ds2 who is 2.5.

Sometimes it's bonkers but when in doubt, go out. I always make sure they've been run ragged somewhere every day in holidays and at weekends. I second a large trampoline.

They play beautifully together sometimes and when I see them in a row on the sofa watching telly together, I do feel so happy they've got each other.

I'm currently pg with ds3 so I'm very weary at mo but nothing two early nights per week won't solve. I'd go for 5 if dh would be up for it.

Peachy · 15/04/2012 20:16

I would say that it is obvious that when you have more children than hands, then it will all get a bit... interesting from time to time.

I used to take mine over the green and make them do a hundred lengths before lunch; I must start again now we have warmer days.

But it's equally great- 3 times the fun, 3 times the hugs..... it's like anything, if you want it you will find a way to make it work.

I have 4 btw. 4 boys. I can't have any more for various reasons, but it's fine because I was a Guider and rather like the whole large group thing.... OTOH when they are playing up on a Saturday in town and I look like Bad Mum Of 2012, it's pretty exhausting too!

Maryz · 15/04/2012 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontcallmehon · 15/04/2012 20:23

I love having three. Mine are 6, 4 and 2. It is hard work, especially when they fight, but it is lovely to see the love they all have for each other. I found two with a 19 month age gap tough, but three not too bad really. Worst thing is the laundry they generate!

FebreezeYourJeans · 15/04/2012 20:42

I love having 3, (8yrs, 7yrs 4yrs) but only went for it because dc2 was such a chilled out happy-go-lucky child and I thought that he was a perfect personality to cope with being a middle child. If I'd had them the other way round I would have stopped at 2 because my eldest wouldn't be a great middle child in my opinion. (I realise that this might sound a bit mad)

I love the way they play together, they play really imaginative games and there is no need for me to get involved The laundry is horrendous; bed linen, towels, uniform, sports stuff.....

Journey · 15/04/2012 20:47

Three is great. It adds another dimension to the family. I couldn't imagine life without my ds3. It is a lot more work than two but I think you know to expect it so it doesn't come as a shock. Personally I don't find I have much in common any more with families with one dc or even two. They don't get the work involved at all and will sit and tell you how busy they are with their one child! Meanwhile, families with three plus dc do. Finding friends who have large families is great for support. I've now got four (a dd) and feel very contented. It's hard work at times but worth it. Go with your instincts.

ohmygoshandgolly · 15/04/2012 20:51

I'm watching this closely!

I have DS who is almost 2yr11mo, DD who is 15mo and I am expecting DC3 in September. I will have 3 under 3 and a half. Most people seem to think I am mad having them all so close together, (in fact, one friend's response was that we are "totally irresponsible"!!) but the age gap (19months) between DS and DD has been great and I was keen to not have too large a gap between the oldest and youngest child.

It is really good to hear some positive, yet realistic views on coping with 3 as I seem to be the only one in my group of friends who is going for it!

PestoPenguin · 15/04/2012 20:55

DC3 is 2.5 now and it is finally getting more manageable . TMy older two are both at school, and my age gaps were both 2.3.

3 is a lot more than 2. It was a bigger shock than I expected, despite DC3 being a fab baby. Mostly it's just exhausting, and I was only 30 when I had DC3, so not past it. I agree with comments about crowd contol, negotiation and noise. Someone always wants something. I don;t like the fact that someone is always odd one out too. Maybe that explains why we're now expecting DC4 .

It is wonderful, I wouldn't swap them, and there are many many heart-melting moments with the 3 of them. However, any time 1 is out, 2 on their own seem like a walk in the park. With 3 little ones someone always seems to want or need something and I do feel spread very thin some days.

Ask me when it's not the school hols and I might sound less knackered . Good luck with your decision!

Smugfearnleyshittingstool · 15/04/2012 20:58

I have a large gap between dc 2 and 3 (6 yrs) and having dd2 now is lovely. We are all enjoying baby/toddler years and it seems easier than if I'd had a smaller gap I think.

Also for me the little years are over so quickly, by having a gap I've spread it out. I may have dc4 in a year or so, although I really thought I was done!

weaselbudge · 15/04/2012 21:14

I think a lot must depend on the personalities of the children, your personality and the support network you have in place. DH and I have just decided not to go for a third. I love the idea of a large family and had always wanted 3 (DH originally wanted 4) but we have had such a hard time with just two dcs (for various reasons) that we just don't feel we have any emotional/physical resources left for a third. If I had bags of energy, relatives/friends who help out, and a DP who pulled his weight(he works away) then I think we would reconsider but unfortunately this is not the case

pollyh · 16/04/2012 12:02

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Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Firawla · 16/04/2012 12:12

i've got 3, 17 months between the 1st 2 then 19 months, so they are all quite close which i think is quite nice for them, they love each other and its nice to think they will always have someone there to play with

on the downside when they are ill at the same time, its really hard to split your self and look after them, so can be hard. but overall most of the time its good

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