How often does your 6/7 year old have friends home after school?

[Spidermama]

Also, do they tend to invite the same person or do they have lots of different friends home?

Hi Spidermama. We go through spates of playdates (1 a week, very occasionally 2) and spates of nothing - all depends a bit on my energy levels! DS1 (7) tends to want the same 2/3 people all the time; DS2 (6) likes to have all sorts of different people. That kind of reflects their personalities really. Any reason for asking?

I think I probably do it less often than others. My ds has only had one person home all half term. My dd has had two.

Perhaps another question would be, who asks for these play dates? The children or the parents. I only ever do it if the kids ask me. Perhaps other parents are more pro-active. What do you think?

Once a week - usually Fridays - very rarely twice. They're (ds nearly 7, dd 5) not home from school till after four, so it's just too tiring (for them) to do it more often. Not always the same person - each of them has about 4/5 friends to choose from (there are favourites, but we try to encourage variety).

I'm a bit like you - I tend to do them when the kids ask. Only time I've ever been more pro-active is when DS1 had a little trouble at school with a couple of boys who were teasing him a bit. Got both boys round for tea (DS1 likes them - wouldn't do it otherwise) and that seemed to clear the air.
Some parents at our school are very playdate-obsessed, though. They come to school with little calendars and everything!!

Oh - to your next question - definitely encouraged by us. Mostly to help socially - ds has really only got the hang of friendships this year (year 2) & dd (year 1) is very very young for her class and a bit at risk of being left out by the cool big girls.

Good idea julieab with the two boys.
We also have professional play date organisers with their diaries. They make me feel a bit guilty.

OK. I think I'll attempt to be a bit more pro-active then.

Only if the kids ask. Dd1 has a "playdate" about once a month, but she is 8 and her friends are 9 and 10. Dd2 (aged 7) is one of only two girls in her year and the other girl is a complete psycho that I won't let in the house unless I am following her round like a hawk (seriously - ) - so she doesn't get to do much in the way of playdates, though she joins in with dd1 and her friends.

But I wonder what the whole calendar thing is really about, don't you? Are they really doing what their kids want? Or are they doing what THEY think their kids want? Or, worse, are they doing that 'look at me, I'm a great parent' thing?
Could be wrong but I think some kids need a bit of help making friends - and keeping the friendships going - and some don't. And some kids are naturally very sociable and thrive on lots of playdates, while some are quite happy bumbling around at home after a full-on friend-fest at school...

maybe once or twice a month, it tends to be the same child, her and dd just take off to dd's room. We only get home at 4, and then everybody's tired.

Occasional after school tea with one or two friends but it's complicated with the days I work and the days her friends mums work - not to mention all the activities everyone seems to have on after school like swimming and Rainbows.

To get round it I invite a load of them (maybe 6 or 8 girls) round at Christmas and at the end of term for a massive tea party and that's job done then for the year and in the summer we might have an afternoon the paddling pool or something.

I think older kids are capable of arranging their own, and younger kids need some help/guidance/steering whatever. At 6/7 they are on the cusp of needing direction IMHO.

every week they alternate but they try to organise me and there parents do. so you often get talked into having them more but I am resisting it at the moment (nasty mommy) and its usually the same friend

I think the culture varies from school to school - we've moved around a bit in the last few years and have seen lots of different playdating styles.... but despite being a virtual recluse myself I've had to become one of those scary mothers running up to people brandishing a lurid diary in order to get my dds to fit in in all these new environments. We are currently in a very playdate oriented school and both my dds do 2 playdates a week. I still feel they are fitting in a bit though and am hoping they will be able to slacken off soon, or at least that the circle will dwindle so that I don't have to remember the dietary foibles of quite so many children. I think if you are in a culture where everyone does it it is harder on your kids if they don't, but otherwise, you should just make sure they have enough interaction with enough people - and maybe school provides that - or do you HE I think maybe you do?

dd1's school is madly playdate heavy

I prefer her to go only once every fortnight but if I wanted to (and SHE wanted to) she could go twice a week.

She enjoys them but is a bit of homebody. I am trying to lay off them as I don't want to have the other kids back atm

About once a week we have someone over or he goes to someone's house. Not fixed, and not every week - and occasionally twice a week.

almost never Now feeling a bit guilty. TBH school finishes at 3.30 (except 2 days a week DS1 does after school sports so its 4.45 )then there is tea/homework/and two little brothers 3&1. And I am at work one of the afternoons he is not a activities.... He never asks tho'.......I think I must be a very bad parent!

Don't feel too guilty Sidermama. Like me, you have quite a big family. My children virtually never have anyone home after school - certainly not since Christmas.

TBH, I don't really enjoy having other people's children round. I fret too much about whether they will enjoy themselves or eat my food. It is daft I know but then I look at my children. I have 4 and most days they either play in pairs or in a big group together, so I feel they are having as much fun as they would with friends.

They have time with their friends at school and can spend as much time as they like with friends when they are older and can arrange their own social life so I don't feel they are too deprived.

My almost 5 year old has playdates virtually every night ..

all encouraged by me because I like the parents who normally hang around and chat ... there's about 4 or 5 different kids .. normally have siblings too .. sometimes have 2 or 3 families stomping round the house

I'm an idiot aren't I? .. I love it though

sometimes not for weeks...but then I feel guilty so twice last week and once so far this week

I'm really overdoing it aren't I?