HELP! Criticise me if you wish, but HELP!

[Spagblog]

DS is a pita. He has never been very good at sleeping at night, and tbh I haven't been very strict. I didn't want him waking up DD so have always given him a bottle when he wakes up in the night.
He is now 21mths and a typical night goes...Bed nicely at 7pm, wakes at 10pm and is left to cry, wakes at 1am and gets a bottle, but goes back to sleep. Wakes at 4am and is distraught immediately. Will throw himself out of cot if you don't get there in time.
Will snooze in your arms, but panics if put back in cot. Lay snoozing in the cot if I sat nearby, but won't let me leave the room.

In the end we get up at 5ish and he plays happily downstairs and watches the hoobs.

I am so tired.

I want him to sleep through. I know I should cut out the nighttime bottle. I just don't know where to start.
I can't let him cry it out and cc doesn't seem to work.

um .. do you think they might not work ..because you're not really doing either

I think you need to set aside a couple of weeks when you know its going to be just hell in order to crack it .. steel yourself for it and then just go for it

have a search on how to do controlled crying or pick up put down and just plan for it .. then do it

I am not surprised you feel shite .. you haven't slept properly for years .. but you can crack it .. you just need to do it

I managed to do cc with DD and thought that it was very successful, but DS throws himself out of the cot and opens his door screaming and shows no relenting.
Our house is so small that I would wake DD up at 4am and DH gets very angry when DS plays up.

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I know, my excuses are pitiful, but it seems pointless when I am hanging on the door knob trying to prevent DS getting out whilst watching the clock tick.
Can't I go away for a week and have someone else do it for me

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Sounds like CC of no use to you if he already wakes up at 10pm every night and left to cry.

Have you ever tried just sitting with him? with no more bottle.

Bring his cot into your room till he grows out of it? Some children take longer than others to crack the sleep thing, and rousing every 3 hours is quite a common pattern. If he wakes and sees you nearby, he may feel happy to drift back off to sleep by himself.

Yes that is what I would do too Franny... or have heard of mums or dads who go and sleep int he room with the child till things start settling.

Might take abit longer, but it is more harmonious for everyones sake in the household.

Personally I would get tough. It is difficult, but if you are firm and above all consistent, it will be for a limited time. It is either that or carry on as you are now indefinitely.

I would calmly put him back in his cot and shut the door. Keep doing it until he gives up. Don't console him or pander to him, don't turn on any lights. Tell him to go back to sleep. Keep everything the same every time you go in so that he knows exactly what you will say and what you will do, he will soon cotton on that this is all he is going to get and he'll give up. Might take a couple of hours though, but on the second night, might only take an hour, on the third night will take 15mins and the fourth night he should sleep through.

Do it at the weekend when no-one has to get up for school/work or during half-term. Tell your dh what you are doing and why, so that he can support you.

Thanks Rhubarb, you helpfully put in all the practical bits that I omitted!

No probs! Been there done that, still doing it!

this sounds cruel I know but I put my 2nd in a toddler bed once he could get out of his cot with a gate across his bedroom door he was 26 months we had a weeks of hell and we do get woken in the night occasionally now but as he cant get out of his bedroom he does give up and go back to bed he shares now with his older brother and suprisingly the tantrums dont wake him!

I know you must be tired and its to easy to give in I am the same anything for a quiet life but my eldeset kept it up past 4 years old so I suppose I am more determined with the second

Hope you manage to sort it out best of luck x

sorry should say one week of hell

If he can get out of his cot he should be in a bed. Maybe if he helped choose it it might encourage him to stay in it. Then it's just a relentless case of carrying him back into it everytime he gets up with no milk, no fuss, just a firm 'it's bed time'

We put DD in her own bed at 21months. We made it really special and she loved it!

The times when she wouldn't let me leave the room without screaming, I used to make a bed on the floor next to hers. I was 7-8 months pregnant at the time, so cracking the night waking was a must!

As for feeding him in the night!!!!!!! He's almost 2 years old ffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dont mean to offend.

Whatever route you decide to take I think above all you need to be committed to it and be consistent or it just won't work. atm it sounds as if you are doing a mixture of things at his various wakings and need to reinforce the same routine each time. It might take a night or two or it might take a week or two to really see the effect so choose tactics you can sustain. Could you get a sound sensitive night light (mothercare do one ) so that if he does wake he isn't lying disorientated in the dark.

Spagblog
We once pushed controlled crying with our Ds (was exactly the same age) and it backfired horribly. He actually became traumatised by being in bed and we had to go right back to the beginning and stay with him until he slept. I really really regretted it. Despite what some HVs tell you (and it was ours who pushed us into it) it doesn't always work and I agree with others here that the opposite approach, (softly softly etc) might be better.
More than anything, my heart goes out to you. It's hell. But it will end. Keep telling yourself that.

Do it now, do it now!!!

This is just teh right age to be sorting it imo.

At 21 months (DS is 22) he can understand what you are doing. That's why you ahve to keep doing the same thing because he will work it out in no time. And he will be OK with it.

Leave it another year and he will be more physically able to resist your efforts, more determined, etc etc and it will take longer & be harder to crack.

There, does that help

Meant DS is 22 months, not 22 years!

Oh gawd, so are the votes for a painful week of breaking him and retraining him...Or lots of cuddles and lying in his room?

I definitely think we need to look into getting a child bed for him.

Last night he slept until 4am and woke up miserable because his nappy had leaked and the bed was damp. I gave him 50% milk 50% water in an effort to get him to dump this feed, but had to take him into bed with me due to the damp bed.

Will try plain water tonight. I know that he is too old for feeding in the night LLaura, but it is the easy option and we have been lazy. Our HV doesn't think that this is a problem so we haven't been guilted into giving it up.

Can DD go and spend a night at friends/ grandparents so that you can go for it without worrying about waking her?

Spag, do you let him have toys in his cot?

DS is allowed to choose two things to take up with him each night.

He plays with them when he wakes up in the morning (in the pitch dark!) for half an hour or so. He also has teddies etc. He seems to be very attached to his cot now and sometimes doesn't want to get out in the morning!

Just thinking about making it more attractive to him to stay in there.

Still think if t'were me would do Rhubarb's type of thing.

I did do it with DS when he was around 13 months & it worked fine, but he wasn;t really a hysterical screamer.

I think you have to go for it. Is DD at school/nursery? Do it at half term. I agree with what Rhubarb has posted. I would be firm. Put him in a bed (try and build this up positively beforehand) and put a stairgate on the door.