HELP! Criticise me if you wish, but HELP!

[Spagblog]

DS is a pita. He has never been very good at sleeping at night, and tbh I haven't been very strict. I didn't want him waking up DD so have always given him a bottle when he wakes up in the night.
He is now 21mths and a typical night goes...Bed nicely at 7pm, wakes at 10pm and is left to cry, wakes at 1am and gets a bottle, but goes back to sleep. Wakes at 4am and is distraught immediately. Will throw himself out of cot if you don't get there in time.
Will snooze in your arms, but panics if put back in cot. Lay snoozing in the cot if I sat nearby, but won't let me leave the room.

In the end we get up at 5ish and he plays happily downstairs and watches the hoobs.

I am so tired.

I want him to sleep through. I know I should cut out the nighttime bottle. I just don't know where to start.
I can't let him cry it out and cc doesn't seem to work.

I have done exactly the same as Rhubarb with my two - but they were both younger than your ds.

With dd she cried for 45 mins - and it took 10 days (each night she cried less and less). With ds it took 3 or 4 days.

Does he still have a nap in the day?

He's all over the place because sometimes he gets milk and another time he has to cry.

I would just ditch the milk all at once, I really wouldnt drag it out any longer.

Whatever your plan (I would do CC), stick to it.

Make sure DH is prepared for what is going to happy and that you have his support.

Half term is a good idea.
He doesn't like having toys in bed with him, he gets cross with them sharing his space lol!

cc just didn't work with ds2 (did with ds1 and ds3- although ds3 has been easier because he slept in a hamock - used it more in the day with him). IN the end I just brought ds2 into bed with us (or kicked dh out so me). He eventually stopped coming in of his own accord. It would have been exhausting otherwise.

I;d cut down on daytime sleeps so he doesn't want to get up and play at 5am!

I used to watch the hoobs with eldest DD and you are right CC doesn't work

You can let them cry - just a little bit. Have just written a piece for an NCT publication on boundaries which I can email to you after publication if you like. They have a right to sleep just as much as you do - hold on to that thought and see if you can tough it out a bit. They don't have to cry for years and years but a few minutes at a time until they accept that they are going to go back to sleep like it or not.

Can you not ditch the cot for a bed - sounds scarily dangerous to me if ds can throw himself out of it.

I gave my DS a nightime bottle till he was 4. Never did CC (hadn't even heard of it by then). The bottle wasn't a hassle and his teeth are OK.

spagblog - did you read aloha's article recently about an independent sleep consultant, who will come and stay for a few days and sort your little one's sleeping out? sounded great (if you can afford it of course!)

have to say, that my own personal choice would be to have my toddler in bed with me, because I find that at this age, they sleep through if next to Mum. In a few weeks, he'll have forgotten all about bad sleeping, and got used to sleeping through, that could be the moment to redecorate his room, buy new bed, new bedlinen and move him back there..
this kind of approach worked for me, anyway.

It's seems a long time since I had toddlers, so do feel free to ignore what I say - I hardly ever post on sleep threads nowadays.

If you know your ds falls asleep after a nighttime bottle, I'd keep on with this for longer( don't stress about what you should or shouldn't do at this age - you're the one having to live with his waking up). Then, at 4.00 when he wakes again, have in him bed with you, as suggested already.

If it takes one nighttime bottle and a few hours in bed with ds in the early morning for everyone (including you) to get a decent sleep, then go with the flow. Why fight it?

My youngest son at that age had a great need for milk and cuddles in the night in order to keep sleeping happily. When he was ready to drop this, it tailed off of its own accord.

re. sleep training person, I was in the article too, so you can always book me! It is quite expensive but lower rates can be arranged for those on low income (not suggesting you necessarily are) and it is probably a lot less expensive than a family holiday, as expensive as a personal trainer and possibly less than having a plumber at the house for a day - lol!

I have a DS (17mo) who I currently BF back to sleep when he wakes. He always slept in his own bed, but once he started to walk his sleep went haywire. Winter also set in and I was just too cold and exhausted to go to him everytime he woke.

He now sleeps with us and I can see that he is trying to settle himself - most of the time unsuccessfully. He sleeps better if he has been very active during the day, and if I actively restrict his nap to 1.5 hours at the most.

DH has a week off in March and I feel the time is right to train DS (God I hate that term). Our plan is for me to BF DS at bedtime then let him wind himself down with rolling around on our bed and stories, like he normally does. DH will then take over and stay with him til he settle himself to sleep. Talking not allowed, no eye contact, cuddles and patting permitted - we are prepared to endure a max of 2.5 hours of crying. If DS makes himself sick at any stage, or if we reach 2.5 hours with no sign of the crying stopping, then we stop and revisit in a few months when he is ready. I'm confident this approach is right for us.
When he can settle himself in our bed, I'd like to move to the next stage and get him sleeping in his own bed again.

My friend had a similiar problem to yours - her DD settled much better with sleep training, but only when they introduced a bed. Alhtough her DD was always returned to bed, she seemed happier to be able to have the freedom to climb out of bed and make contact with mum/dad.

Good luck - sleep deprivation is a killer.

oh crikey, get me and my "I'm confident...." Us first time parents, eh?