When does co-sleeping become inappropriate.

[shotinfoot]

Ds1 has always been difficult to get to sleep.

He will be 6 in a few weeks. Bedtime is lately much improved but he often gets out of his bed and falls asleep in ours. We put him back when we go to bed.

He then, almost always, comes back into our bed in the middle of the night, around 4am. I'm usually asleep and don't wake up.

In theory, I don't really have a problem with this but have a nagging feeling that, at 6, he probably should be staying in his own bed.

Opinions and advice please.

I think it's time to stop when either you or the child has had enough.

I think, if you are happy for him to still come in with you, six is not an issue.
If you or partner was not happy you will have to address the issue.
One thing for certain, he won't be wanting to when he is 15

My husband would rather he didn't and I do find he is woken earlier than he otherwise would be (DH alarm or DS2 getting up)

Also slightly worried that DS2 (3) will soon cotton on that DS1 sleeps in mummy's bed and he doesn't.

I'm not sure what you mean by inappropriate.

I think that co-sleeping at any age is fine as long as it works for you, but if it doesn't work for you then it's time to stop.

FWIW I don't class coming in at 4am as co-sleeping. And I know an awful lot of 6yr olds who creep into Mum and Dad's bed most nights.

My friend is 35 and 'co-sleeps' with her nan when she stays over. Is that inappropriate?

My 6 and 8 year old have worked out a rota for who gets to sleep in Mummy's bed when Daddy is away. My 14 year old climbs in sometimes in the morning too (but doesn't want to spend all night.

So personally, I don't really think it is ever inappropriate as such - but children will decide when they don't want to any more. Of course, if you want it to stop for whatever reason that is fine too - but it does mean making the effort to explain it to them and then to trail them back to bed in the middle of the night. Far too much effort for me!

Someone made a comment yesterday which made me a bit .

That was all.

Glad noone else thinks it odd.

no - not odd, when my ExH left my 16 yr old dd crept into bed with me in the early hrs quite regularly for a few months, she has always been the one who would come into our bed for comfort when worried or not able to sleep. A friend told me that when her mum died when she was 11 she would go sneak into her dad's bed for comfort. I think it's normal and healthy (in a normal and healthy family of course) for children to go to parents for comfort.

he'll grow out of it.

My 6 yo cosleeps - his choice, don't think it's inappropriate. His younger sister likes to sleep in her own room and 6yo actually finds that quite disturbing and asked her to come back in with us!!

i remember climbing into my mum and dads bad every nite when i was little (i'm 38 now!!) then my parents split when i was 7 and i used to go to bed in mums bed and sleep there all nite. At age 9 i just decided myself i was too old and started sleeping in my own bed

All 3 of mine co-slept from birth. Eldest DD (aged 5 1/2) still sneaks in for cuddles when she has a bad dream, or if she is not feeling too well she will sleep in with us all night. DD2 stopped co-sleeping very young as she preferred her own bed (before she turned 1!) but same as DD1 she will sleep in with us all night if unwell. DD3 (6 months) is still night feeding so usually is in with us by 3am till morning. If DH is working nights, my DD's ask if they can sleep in with me. King size bed still not big enough for 3 wriggly girls and a squashed to the side mumy though [laugh]

Last night, DD1 was complaining of a sore ear, so got in at 1am, baby came in at 3.30am, DH squeezed in at 4am, DD2 jumped in at 6am. Just a shame we had to get up for the school run as I love family bed time

So long as you are happy with him getting in (I love waking up to one of the girls snuggled up next to me), then there isn't a problem. Im dreading the day they dont want family bed time because I know I will miss it so much

When I was pg with dd (aged 20) i came home from work during the day as my all day morning sickness was really bad. I went to my mums as it was an hour drive home and i didn't feel upto it and mums was round the corner. She was in bed because she was unwell and I got in and had a nap.
When I lived at home I prob stopped getting in mums bed (on occassion) at around 13.

dd is almost 8 and climbed in our at 5.15am today after having a bad dream, it was lovley to have a cuddle. DH didn't even notice she was there.

Ds1 stopped coming of is own accord when he was 10 1/2 yrs and ds2 is 9 1/2 yrs and is regularly there when I wake up. I do have my own bed though so DH isn't disturbed.

It doens't feel inappropriate at all.

Of course it's not inappropriate. I would find it hugely annoying if it was every night though, as it would wake me and I'd struggle to get back to sleep - which, for me, would be fine if they'd had a bad dream or didn't feel well, but def not every night - I'd be fit to kill!

It would be inappropriate if you were uncomfortable with it and felt it was not a natural family experience. I like waking up and finding one of my weans asleep next to me because I love cuddles with my kids and know the period where they want to be close and cuddly does not last forever. They will spend a much larger proportion of their lives as adults and then you will yearn for these special moments.

I sometimes share a bed with my Mum when I go home to visit I am 35.

Just wondered do parents wear night wear when co sleeping, my dd and dgs live with us and dgs dets up every night to get in bed with dd occassionally he comes to our room instead I am quite happy with this however I do not wear pj's. DGS is 3.3 I am not bothered neither is my dd but just wondered what age would this be inappropriate I hate wearing night wear but realise one day as dgs gets older I will have to.

I always wear knickers but not always anthing else and I have insisted on boxers for dp even though before he became a Dad he was a dedicated night time nudist

C0-sleeping is never inappropriate as such, but past certain ages, around 10, the child barring SN, should be independant enough to spend most of their time in their own bed.

Under 7, i think is fine to not let it cross your mind.

We went to see the 'Woman in black' the other week and my 14 year old slept in my bed for three nights.

My three (26,16,14) will sleep in a bed when needed on holiday etc.

Don't let anyone tell you that it is time you stopped being close enough that you share the bed occassionly.

I do have to wonder similar to lovebeinganana & FizzyLaces when reading this thread, do you all go to bed in clothes and do you not have regular intimate relations with your significant others or do you put your PJ's back on afterwards?

Personally if my DP is here I don't wear anything in bed and nor does my DP. Inevitably even if we were to get in bed with something on it probably wouldn't stay on for very long anyway, shagging aside we enjoy the intimacy of skin to skin cuggles. Personally I do not think it is appropriate for any child to be getting in bed with parents that aren't dressed from about 3.5 years max. My DS (just turned 3) he often used to come into our bed through the night (early hours of morning) but the last 8 months or so it has been actively discouraged as we just don't feel it appropriate now he's getting older. The only time I allow him in our bed now is if I am alone and as such have PJs on or if he is unsettled or under the weather and we have resigned ourselves early on to the fact we are not gonna be getting any gonna be getting up and down and he is ultimately going to want to snuggle with us at some point. Personally for me the ultimate cut off point altogether would probably be about age 4 or 5 after that I just think its weird.

I don't think it ever does. My ds is 9 now and spends the odd night in my bed. Last year he slept there every night for about three months then one night just went back to his own. Being with me was obviously something he needed at the time.

Goobledegook I reckon anyone who has 'cuggles' with their partner is probably equally weird.

I always wear pyjamas and will put them back on. As DS doesn't come in until about 4am he is highly unlikely to interrupt anything.

DH wears boxer shorts or nothing but DS always sleeps on my side anyway so never encounters DH

I don't think that's weird OP, my ds who is 4 often comes through in the morning or occasionally during the night if he is ill or can't sleep and gets in with me and my dh (his stepdad). He slept in with me the other night and dh slept on the sofa bed in the sitting room but that was because he was ill, would feel bad ejecting dh on a regular basis!

I really hope "cuggles" was a typo. Otherwise - cringe!!!

I think all families have different standards of nudity that they are comfortable with, none of them are weird, they are just different.

I now do my DD's spray tans and they are naked except for knickers. My eldest watched me breastfeed.

I would happily sleep with my children in my bed with just knickers on. Go on nudist beaches in some countries and you will see families including GM's having a picnic.

I think that you just take you lead from them.