Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

do fathers have rights?

68 replies

jamesp4542 · 21/03/2012 10:47

Just a question but why do women believe they have automatic rights to decide a father cannot see his children. You seem to believe women are automatically good parents. And that it's right to deprive the father of equal access, and in my experience, not because youre worried about the welfare if the child or what's best for the child but more for a childish vendetta, and control. To me that's far from a good parent. I was deprived of access for one reason and one reason only control. Not because Im a danger to them or couldn't look after them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NarkedPuffin · 21/03/2012 15:42

With DCs that age, sometimes you can get their attention by switching off the tv/games console and if that doesn't work, crouching down to their level and speaking to them face to face. I save shouting for the 'OMG you've shaved the dog!' level of bad behaviour.

cory · 21/03/2012 15:45

I feel the same as (as far as I can make out) most posters on MN: that the child's rights are paramount, that it is generally in the best interests of the child to have a loving relationship with both parents.

However, I do feel very strongly that it is not in the best interest of the child to be forced to have a relationship with a parent (of either sex!) whom the child has witnessed behaving violently towards the other parent (or indeed to anybody else).

Coming from another culture (Scandinavia) I was surprised to find how common it is for fathers not to be closely involved in their child's life after divorce and sometimes to be actively prevented by the mothers; in my country 50/50 shared custody would be the norm. But then I also realised that the attitude the mother being the prime carer, even in married households, is far more common here: for me, the cultural norm was that fathers were 50% involved in the childcare before divorce and so the work they did would be missed, so to speak.

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2012 15:48

OP, I want to apologise. I assumed you were another F4J poster (we have had a lot of "problems" lately. I agree with the others, kids at that age can be dreadful. its the terrible twos for a reason

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/03/2012 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleInaCoracle · 21/03/2012 16:14

what stewie said. there are far too many parents who want custody to "win" or because theyhave this idealised notion of parenthood. when the rivers of vomit and the tantrums and the "he/she wont eat... what do I do" start they run a mile.

I am not saying that all parents (and note, I said parents, not dads, there are plenty of mothers who behave the same way) are like that, but there are many who are.

woollyideas · 21/03/2012 16:28

I do agree about the need for 'caring' for your children to extend to financial 'caring'. My exH pays not a penny and hasn't for 13 years. To me, that is NOT being a good parent. Now that she's older, my DD has worked out by herself who pays for what and has recently described her dad (in her own words) as 'a bit crap really'. Parents who don't pay for their children will be 'found out' by their children in the end and those children will have questions about why the non-paying parent made the decision not to support his/her child financially. My own DD has told me that it's shown her how little he really cares. That's a very sad realisation for her.

gobbledegook1 · 21/03/2012 17:36

You all keep saying no parent has more rights but depending on how you look at it (in the eyes of the law) they do.

A woman automatically has legal parental responsibility over a child a man does not, it has to be applied for and granted by a court (unless you and the mother were married). This did change a few years ago to state that if you are on the birth certificate you automatically gained legal parental responsibility however I have been told that this has now been revoked by the Tories.

Therefore in a legal sense men have do less 'rights' and have no legal responsibility for their child if he and the mother weren't married.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 21/03/2012 17:49

Haven't heard that the Tories had revoked that one. If dad is unmarried but on the birth cert, he has parental responsibility.

gobbledegook1 · 21/03/2012 17:52

Just what someone told me recently may be incorrect then.

Original poster

jamesp4542 · 21/03/2012 18:52

In regards to the shouting its a short sharp loud shout if his name to get attention then talking

OP posts:

shreddedmum · 21/03/2012 18:59

"women" as a whole don't think that
maybe some women you know or A woman you know does
You sound like a woman hater by claiming the former when it is untrue, which erodes any sympathy I might have for your situation

there are, sadly, some parents who use the kids to get at their ex partner but I've known both men and women who are guilty of this

It is however my opinon that both male and female children are better off without mysogynistic women haters in their lives. Gladly there are plenty of fathers who are not at all like that who enhance their children's life - but at the moment you are not sounding like one of them

NormaStanleyFletcher · 21/03/2012 19:01

James - my DD does this sometimes - when she has a cold she goes partially deaf!

Have you had his ears checked out?

MamaMaiasaura · 21/03/2012 19:33

You implied you shouted when stressed, now it's a short sharp shout of his name.

gemma4d · 21/03/2012 20:25

I was about to post but saw I would echo Norma - my DD has deafness that comes and goes after a cold. It makes her seem badly behaved, but I keep reminding myself that she isn't ignoring me / talking over me / shouting at me on purpose!

SweetGrapes · 21/03/2012 21:08

Norma DS had this too. He had a hearing test and it seemed he was almost deaf. But then the next appointment he was fine.
It comes and goes with congestion behind the eardrums. Apparently this can happen till they are 5 - then it stabilizes and the cold doesn't affect it in the same way.

OP - shouting is not a good idea. Get down on level, make eye contact and then speak.

Original poster

jamesp4542 · 21/03/2012 22:19

I said when im stressed and him ignoring 8, 9, 10+ times me saying his name stresses me out yes. I think we'll have to take him to doctors get his ears looked at.

OP posts:

agreetodisagree · 22/03/2012 07:56

Good morning James
Ignore the pedantry on here. I have an elder child who would totally switch off -her hearing was fine. I have on occasion repeated her name over and over til she comes out her trance. She has never changed btw
My youngest - bit younger than yours - can be similar. Currently doing meltdowns at any No. Distract, ignore, distract, praise the good, stay firm, go into kitchen to calm down, make a tea And Breathe...
Every day is a frash start in my house. Or we would go under.
Have a good day today x

agreetodisagree · 22/03/2012 07:57

fresh obv
scorned in my prev post
i am as not as good a typist as my flying fingers hope for...

Flip

1 2 3