Tell me honestly, will DD2's teacher think i am a towering nobber if i speak to him about this subject...

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

6 year olds... this whole last term has been 'Mum, x is my number one best friend and y is number two and z is number three...'

so i said to her 'this WILL end in tears and the reason that i KNOW it will end in tears is that i too was a 6 year old girl and it always, always does' and advised her just to play with everyone so no-one's feelings got hurt.

and now, guess what, absolute sobbing as she has been demoted from number one to three with the girl who is her number one (you are keeping up, aren't yo? ) and 'I HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL, MUM, SO WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?'

farking hell.

should i say something to the teacher? not about dd herself, because there is no way on earth it's only dd at home crying. would it be ridiculous for me to suggest they do a 'circle time' or something about not rating their friends like bleeding top trumps and just being NICE? or am i living in parenting la-la land?

Yes, he'll probably think you're a bit of a twat. You said yourself, it happens with young girls, so just let it happen.

Oh christ, I feel your pain!

My DD actually wrote out LISTS of her friends until I had words with her about it.

I wouldn't approach the teacher, but I would just keep reiterating to your DD about how friendship is not a competition, pointing out that you yourself have lots of friends, work friends, mum friends, school friends, zumba friends, whatever... but they don't compete for first place because such a thing is ridiculous.

It's tiresome but she'll grow out of it, my DD is nearly 8 and hasn't done this for a good while now!

I was taking to dd1 tonight about the time in Year 5 that I spoke to her tecaher about the two little madams (no uniform at this school and these particular fashionistas in waiting wore two belts the whole time - why?) who were making her life a misery because she's very bright and put her hand up in class. The teacher spoke to the girls and put them straight and it was all fine after that. I also remember speaking to the Year two tecaher about one of dd's friends who was being called fat by a boy in the class. Again the teacher 'kept an eye' on things and it sorted itself out.

No harm in briefing him on the aggro as long as you don't expect him to be able to solve everything. Wouldn't hurt for them to have it pointed out to them that they're being total numpties here!

I can see where you're coming from but, speaking as a mother of a 7yo girl, I think I would say something.

At her school, they make quite a big deal out of friendships and everyone playing together - even splitting up v close friendships when they've mixed up classes - and we've had no issues like this at all.

Don't know if that helps...

really? you don't think it's worth a teacher reminding them (in a totally non-specific manner) that it's not actually very nice behaviour? hmm. totally agree that it's bound to happen, though. little shits.

oooh, lots of x-posts.

it's not actually any of them being little madams, to be fair. they are all thoroughly great little girls, they're just exercising their power a bit. and they're all doing it, dd included.

the other thing is that i'm pretty sure they will be splitting up classes after summer anyway, so it's not like it's a situation that will continue in its current incarnation. plus by next week she probably will be back being bessie mates with blah blah blah whoever anyway. it's the actual behaviour i dislike.

My dd writes lists of her friends too. All the time. I wonder how many friend lists she could possibly need.

We have agreed that they should not be listed in order of importance or special best-friendness status.

I'd just leave it tbh. They will grow out of it.

I would have a word - just so he can keep an eye.

Mind you, boys do it too. I caught ds1 with a list that gave his friends percentage points, to decide who was coming to his birthday party.

Just because all small girls do it, doesn't make it nice or even acceptable. I agree that as long as it is phrased as a "maybe it's time to have a general word about.." rather than "I want you to wade in and protect my baby from the horrid girl who has demoted her...." then it would be reasonable to bring it to the teacher's attention.

This sort of thing is (IME/O) much more likely to stay under the teacher's radar than the equivalent behaviour in small boys, which generally involves them thumping each other.

lolol at the percentages. impressive on the maths front, at least.

even split so far, i reckon... still not sure what to do.

oh lord stealthy there is NO WAY it's about wading in, the girl who has demoted her is an absolute wee darling. i wouldn't even bother mentioning names tbh, cos they're bloody well ALL at it.

Funnily enough, my dd's teacher is a bloke too and I can imagine him going a bit

It's all in the way you say it, I s'pose. "you may not be aware of this, and I'm not making a big deal out of it, just thought I'd mention..." That type of thing.

Thing is, if it's a big enough problem to make a big deal out of, surely the teacher will have already noticed at school?

the teacher is lovely, i think. don't know him terribly well, but he's a good egg afaia. i do tend to stutter when i speak to him, though.

am i proposing making a big deal out of it, though? not sure. if they already know and are doing nothing at all about it, that's not terribly impressive i think.

LOL Aitch - I didn't think it was about wading in, I was just making the point that it needs to be crystal clear to the teacher that you are not asking him to .

My 5yo DD announced the other day that she is "not X's best friend any more" (she and X were inseperably obsessed with each other at Christmas) - I was all prepared for tears and trauma when she shrugged and said "so, I played with Y and Z instead"

Aitch, Google cool in school - Fife primaries do it, for precisely this purpose. Might be worth asking if there's a similar scheme.

I don't necessarily mean making a big deal, but making a bigger deal than needs be made, if that makes sense?

totally, faerie, it's just that i'm not sure how big a deal i'm proposing making. if i was the teacher i would deffo rather know, i think. but maybe if i had been a teacher for ten years and seen it all a gerzillion times i would not want to know and think that anyone mentioning it was being a twat. hence the post... i genuinely don't know.

dd deffo wants me to say something to him, though. it was she who asked. i'm just not sure if it's appropriate or not.

(anyway wait for it, she's decided she's going in tomorrow to lead a revolution against the whole thing and will poll the class as to whose feelings have been hurt by this, with the intention of creating an 'no hurt feelings - all friends together' gang out of the ashes of the best friends system. i fear she will be eaten alive, but it's a nice thought. and would get me out of speaking to the teacher if it works.)

I have said something on similar lines to Ds1's teacher and I didn't get the impression she thought I was a twat although I concede the possibility that she may have bitched about me in the staffroom

I'd have a chat and say that your DD has been getting upset at home recently because of the infighting between the girls. Put it to the teacher that you are not placing blame on any one individual.

If the school is any good, they should at least keep an eye on things and do some work with the class on being kind, including everyone etc.

hey i just realised i wrote dd2 in the OP. it's not. it's dd1.

Oh wow, I'm rooting for her big time!

the weird thing is, tryharder, it doesn't even seem to include fighting... they really are all nice kids.

lol squeaver, you have no idea how disheartening it is to hear you say 'oh wow'... you think she's basically going over the top on her own, don't you?