Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Anyone seen todays Times about Gina Ford's new book?!!!!!

297 replies

louby78 · 03/03/2012 16:46

OMFG is all I can say. Anyone who doesn't like her will now see their hatred excel to a new level.

Apparently new mums should go on a date night with their husbands 4-6 weeks after the birth of their new baby and have sex even if they don't feel like it. Other mums share their tips and one woman actually says...."you may have to grin and bear it"!! EXCUSE ME?!

When her mums are feeling down she tells them to have a bath, shave their legs and paint their nails!!!! Not sure about anyone else but when my children were babies I could just about manage to brush my teeth! And as for sex...... well sleep would be my priority but I guess if I'd listened to her my babies would be sleeping through from 6 weeks after I put them in their own room and left them to cry until they got the message.

All this from someone who has never even had a baby. If she too had pushed out a baby bigger than a melon, had to be cut and then stitched together again (not to mention the bruises which made it hard to sit down for a week), then she maybe qualified to offer new mums advice. Until that day she should just keep stum.

It's like reading something from the 1940s. Silly cow.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
MadameChinLegs · 07/03/2012 14:04

I think what is different this time around re:GF is that all threads we are looking at at the moment are pretty well balanced, with people coming down on one side or the other.

belgo · 07/03/2012 14:09

'When I state that lack of routines is seen as a warning sign in child protection case, this is not my opinion. This is a fact'

Are you talking about GF's routines in this context? Do you understand that many baby led methods can and do lead to routine? (a baby-led routine, rather then a GF prescribed routine).

igggi · 07/03/2012 14:17

I do hope the suggestion is not being made that not following GF can lead to the intervention of Social Services!
FWIW, I bf on demand etc but managed two outings with DH and had sex all prior to my 6 week check - so what? It's not only following SWMNBN that allows you to do that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 14:19

What a silly cow GF is (still remember the ban on mentioning her, what about freedom of speech).

belgo · 07/03/2012 14:21

I have to admit, I am totally biased when it comes to GF. The way she nearly destroyed mumsnet clouds my opinion of her and her methods.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 14:21

What a crock of shit about lack of routines being child protection issue. This is meant for older children who do not have bedtime, mealtimes etc. not for small babies spero

EauRouge · 07/03/2012 14:25

I think a distinction needs to be made between routines and schedules. Doing things in the same order, like bath, pyjamas, brush teeth, bedtime story is a routine. Doing things at a prescribed time like bath at exactly 7pm, in for exactly 12 minutes etc is a schedule, and is too rigid for some parents.

We have a bedtime routine/ritual/habit that has been developed over time, by us to suit us. It is not set in stone so if there's a special occasion or if we've been out for the day or if for some reason our plans have been altered last minute then I see nothing wrong with tweaking it. Social services are not going to give a flying fuck if we don't have bath time at precisely 7pm every night.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 14:58

Agree eau

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:06

Alicethehorse, fantastic post.

Nelly -- People who manage to maintain a loving relationship with their partner during the baby whirlwind are going to be happier - surely that is all she is trying to say and then giving advice on how to maintain a good relationship, physical intimacy is generally a big part of that.

By 'people' do you mean men or women?
Because GF makes it clear that the onus is on the woman to make the effort.

(Wouldn't it be nice if she had meant men trying to maintain a loving relationship with their partners, bending over backwards to make their lives easier, and making it clear that they weren't only interested in when sex would resume? There really are men like that out there, but not in the GF world imo.)

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:07

Agree Eau and Mama.

Spero · 07/03/2012 15:26

Sorry, it is not 'a crock of shit' that babies also benefit from routine and lack of routine can be a warning sign. I haven't put it any higher than that.

Of course by 'routine' I do not refer to strict on the dot schedules which can never be deviated from but all children require food, sleep and clean clothes and bedding on a regular basis. If you don't have any kind of routine in place it is far harder to meet your child's most basic needs, especially if you are also struggling with other problems in your life.

I agree that baby led routines work very well for some but for mothers (like me) who did not find it easy to adjust to life with a small baby, it was a great benefit to me to have structure to my day so I didn't panic.

I agree that the first ed of GF is just unreadable in some places - it makes no sense, esp with regard to first six weeks. But I took on board some of the advice, particularly about evening routine and I am bloody glad I did.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:30

If you are gong quote me, do so correctly please. It's a crock of shit that it's a child protection issue with small babies.

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:31

'...a lot of relationships break down after having babies because of not having sex etc. so the idea is to make an effort to preserve it in the long run. I do get this from knowing a lot of male friends that are very frank with me and tell me what they get up to with other women whilst wife is tending to baby/children. Sad yes I know. They come across to the wife as being understanding and loving but are getting a lap dance on Thursday nights and sleeping with other women whilst away on business or when the opportunity arises. What I am presuming GF is trying to say is that contrary to what is "right" in our eyes and what we think our husbands are like - a lot of men have a physical (not emotional) need for sex and leaving it more than 2/3 months after having a baby may cause anxiety to men....hence the start of problems in relationships. Whether we like it or not and say "Oh poor them what about us" it doesn't change that, it's one of lifes unfair handouts.

Words fail me. Sad Sad Sad and Angry

What an insult to the millions of decent and honourable men out there who would not dream of looking elsewhere because they are partners in marriage and partners in parenting and take both roles seriously.

As I said, the day GF comes out with a book setting out expectations for men to adhere to in the postpartum period is the day I will begin considering taking her seriously.

Spero · 07/03/2012 15:32

Sorry, don't agree.

Of course there are usually many other arming signs and problems that lead to care proceedings but a lot of cases start with referrals from HV who find mother not up at 11am, child still in yesterday's nappy and not had breakfast.

Fundamental part of a residential assessment Is holding parents to a routine, up at same time, breakfast at same time etc,etc. Even for very small babies.

Spero · 07/03/2012 15:33

My not agreeing was to mamaMaisaura

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:33

Actually rigid routine with a small baby would set off warning bells in terms of whether a family is coping. Purely from a controlling, obsessive perspective. In terms of mental health issues, one of the indicators can be obsessive routine, and when baby is not "fitting" this it causes increased stress. IMO the less stress = happier baby and parents.?

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:34

'Of course by 'routine' I do not refer to strict on the dot schedules which can never be deviated from but all children require food, sleep and clean clothes and bedding on a regular basis.'

This is not what GF or any other baby guru means by routine.

This is what the vast majority of parents provide like 99.9% of parents no matter what babycare approach they follow.

Stop trying to scaremonger.

belgo · 07/03/2012 15:35

'Of course there are usually many other arming signs and problems that lead to care proceedings but a lot of cases start with referrals from HV who find mother not up at 11am, child still in yesterday's nappy and not had breakfast.'

You do not need GF to tell you to feed the baby and put clean nappies on him/her.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:35

Spero a small baby doesn't have breakfast. It has milk. And with a baby I'd be bloody amazed at getting up at 11am

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:37

There is a big difference between mother not up at 11 and baby in yesterday's nappy, soiled sheets, etc., and mother and baby up at same time every day.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:37

Actually spero, I'd these are genuinely your views then I despair at the risk assessment perception held by you and if you are involved in making decisions as significant as a child's placement. Seriously.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:38

If not I'd

mathanxiety · 07/03/2012 15:39

Rest of post -- There is a lot of perfectly acceptable middle ground between those two.

MamaMaiasaura · 07/03/2012 15:40

Agree mathan

Spero · 07/03/2012 15:42

you might stil justifiably be in your pyjamas at 11 but you would have got up before to feed your baby. Am talking about when mother is asleep and has been apparently asleep for a long time.

I am not trying to scaremonger, I am sorry if you think that. I don't advocate strict GF routines But I do think some routine is essential for both baby and mother and I was helped by GF getting my own routine off the ground.

I still think this deep seated vitriol against her is really weird.

Swipe left for the next trending thread