Fuck, I just smacked DD on the bottom, she was being intolerable

[titferbrains]

Hate myself already but she is jsut being UNBEARABLE

Smacking me
shouting at me
screaming
trying to hurt her brother
calling me stupid
refusing to eat food she asked for

all i guess related to being 3 and jealousy of her new brother

HTF am i supposed to appropriately discipline all her unpleasantness?

have shut her in her room for now, she is having a screaming tantrum

Oh dear, sounds hard. Smacking isn't ideal, not least because it usually makes the behaviour worse! But you know that.

I find this approach very useful with my dd - www.amazon.co.uk/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Parenting/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330622015&sr=8-1
Very good at those moments when I feel I am losing it!

She won't hate you, honestly.

Don't beat yourself up about it. When she's calmed down just give her a cuddle and tell her you're sorry you smacked her but she's really got to be kinder to db. The other things aren't so important imo as she's only 3.

i am just so irritated and annoyed by her atm and dh works so hard that i'm with her the entire day. so no escape and no one to diffuse her energy.

any ideas on how to discipline? EVERY time she hoits me i w\ant to smack her and instead i juyst stare at her feeling totally impotent, what do u do??

If she hits you, grab her hands, hold them still, look her in the face and say firmly 'Do not hit me!' Don't shout, but do use a firm voice. Repeat if she tries again, holding for a couple of seconds longer. I once did this to my nephew. He never hit me again.

If she has a new brother give her loads of positive attention and love
Be calm in the face of tantrums and be understanding that its a hard time for your dd
Apologise for smacking her

If your dp brought home a new wife and spent nearly all his time with her then you would find it hard to stomach even as an adult

Mary tks, she is incredibly strong willed, it's highly unlikely that that would stop her. She seems to be on a mission to fight me on a daily basis. She has 2 stubborn parents and she is just frighteningly confident and sure that she is right, and that she is my equal. She is exhausting.

she's fallen asleep now. what do I do when she wakes?

FUCK i am so over looking after her. I wish I could just leave the house.

guess she'll wake when she gets hungry.

Another joy to look forward to, another ruined evening for me because she has been a fucking awful sleeper for THREE YEARS.

.

You need a break! By hook or by crook you need to organise some time for yourself even if it's just an hour - we are NOT wonder women - even if hubby does work hard SO DO YOU! Tell him how you are feeling and ask for some support from him - he is her parent too. Hope you can find some down time soon xx

I know how you feel. I hate it when DS1 hits me or kicks out. I've smacked his hand and legs and like you felt terrible. I have a very short fuse. It sounds as if you need some time out yourself, no way you can get a break? Quick walk round the block when DH gets home? Mums and tots? Ikea crèche?

dh away on business till sat .

mum arrives lunch tmw.

think i will go for lunch and a movie tmw aft and try to forget dd exists.

ds is lovely but dd WILL NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE when she's home, constant touching and telling me she's being gentle then quickly trying to hurt him eg pull hair, pinch, tickle too hard. I have been telling not to do thes e things EVERY DAY since ds was born , that's 6 MONTHS.

I feel sorry for your dd . I was once displaced by a younger brother and I remember what it feels like

Can she go to nursery, at least part-time?

I am not proud of this but at this stage my salvation was a stairgate at the top of thd stairs. If dd1 was mean to dd2 she went the other side of the stairgate for 2 minutes. She soon learnt not to do it.

she goes to nursery 5 days a wk 3 hrs a day

this afternoon's display was after a playdate and an hour at the playground

hate stairgates, so ugly, think it wd only incite major rage

Sounds like she is jealous of her little brother.

:( You sound exhausted and at the end of your tether. I only have one DD (almost 2yo) so I really hope this doesn't come across as condescending, but if your DD is jealous of her baby brother could it be that she's attention seeking and needs a bit of positive attention and reassurance from you? Do you praise her for positive behaviour, or just punish the bad? Could you try involving her a bit more with DS so she doesn't feel left out?

I'm really not trying to be critical, I hope my "advice" isn't actually ignorant, patronising rubbish. I have all this to look forward to in about 7 months, so I'm interested to see what others advise as well.

EFA i know i need to be calm and positive but that's impossib;e to manage for the 12+ hours a day she is awake. she whines to ask for something and screams when it doesn't come immediately.

she saves this rudeness only for me. to others she is chatty and polite.

Aww titfer, she saves it for you because you matter to her the most
Have you ever read Playful Parenting? I think it really helps improve relationships with your kids

I feel for you titfer, and I think you're doing the right thing by getting your frustrations out here.

You're being brave to admit to feeling fed up with it all at the moment. But why should we have to pretend like this is always the most wonderful, rewarding job in the world all the time? It's f*cking hard work, with no let-up and there are no workplaces where your co-workers or boss could hit you, scream at you or poo on you.

Agree that you need a break. It could make all the difference. I have a 3 yo and a 1 yo and DD1 has been very demanding at times. I have also been in your position and reacted the same way out of anger, frustration and desperation.

My DH was witness to it all, which made it feel worse. However, he never said a word about it, just calmly started making arrangements to be around and help out a bit more. He booked me a weekend away and arranged some days of parental leave so that he can be more hands on with the girls.

The best bit of going away (only for 2 nights but felt like luxury... our 2 are also poor sleepers, so exhaustion has to be part of the problem too) was that when I returned DD1 seemed to realise that I could no longer be taken for granted. There were two months between it all crashing down for me and me going away, so she can't have perceived the two to have been related, but still she has been different, and much more loving to me since then. Better at listening, better at saying sorry when things go wrong.

Could you get a night away ?(I know this would mean making arrangements for feeding your youngest, but could be worth it...) Being well-rested (or at least better rested) can make the world of difference to how you feel.

Titfer, have you thought about referring yourself to HomeStart? They often find that people think it's only for lone parents, or parents who are really struggling, but they aren't. They are there for anyone who has a child under the age of 5 at home.

I have had the same lovely volunteer for 3 years now, she really is a life-saver. Just knowing that my children are safe, cared for and happy, while I have a few hours of peace is so refreshing.

Lougle, have never heard of homestart, will look into it thanks

Have a google

In some areas it's called 'Cross roads' I think...

I would second the Playful Parenting rec.

When DS (3) hits me, it's the one thing that makes me likely to smack him - I just see red. The 'get down to his level, and speak firmly' approach doesn't seem to have much effect. And i cannot be araed with time outs and naughty steps. What does work (after one warning) is I gently pick him up, or guide him out of whatever room we're in. I don't shut the door or say much, I just make it clear that if he's going to hit me, then he will not be in the same room as me. So far, that works. He usually cries, then I explain why I did it, we have a hug and then it's forgotten.