Advice needed re 5 y/o dd

[mindboggler]

I posted this in behaviour/development but I think that was the wrong place and here is better - I hope its ok to cross post

anyway, now I have your attention, here is my problem. I hope you can help...

I hope someone can help me, or has been through the same thing!

My daughter, aged 5, has always been very interested in the concepts of boyfriends and girlfriends, but recently its becoming overt.

For example I over heard laughing as she said to her best friend ? a boy something along the lines of 'eat the sausage, eat the sausage', and was encouraging him to take his clothes off, until I intervened.

Then, today, she apparently pulled up her top when at a friend's house, another boy, and said 'suck my boobies to death'. The mum has just had a word with me in the playground. I'm mortified.

I have heard one of her little friends say 'you have a boyfriend that kisses your boobies', to her mum, which I was shocked at, but this seems worse.

She also has an older friend, who is 7, who is lovely but has been telling her about snogging and has been demonstrating on the back of her hand.

She is very curious about penises and tries to sneak up on her dad getting dressed.

She is also obsessed with my boobs and tries to touch them or look at them when I'm not looking.

I have let her watch films involving boyfriend and girlfriend, including that stultifyingly dull series about that American girl marrying a Danish prince that was on CBBC recently. She also loves the Disney Princess films, but Sleeping Beauty has inpired a kissing to wake up game, so I have 'accidentally' lost that DVD.

I'm trying to edit out any films that might have boyfriend girlfriend references or kissing, but I only seem to be left with scary films. Even Nanny McPhee or the Mighty Ducks sets her off.

She has a toy lipstick and eyeshadow set she wears occasionally when playing dress up games ? could this be making her sexual at a young age?

I'm at a loss.

Is this normal?

What can I do to stop this?

I don't really have any answers other than I think the lipstick and eyeshadow are unrelated imo. Hopefully someone with more insight/knowledge will be along shortly.

It's not the lipstick and eyeshadow, it'll be what she's hearing in the playground. It is reasonably normal because children become much more gender conscious and body-curious at that age. If they ask questions, give answers. Give body parts their proper names and start talking to her about appropriate and inappropriate touching and talk.

The problem you have is the influence of 7 year-olds showing her 'snogging' on backs of hands. Presumably the same child is telling her about boobie-sucking etc. ... and the fact that she knows about that kind of thing would worry me far more than a five year-old playing copy-cat. Maybe keep her away from the older girl for a while.

thanks. I really don't think its the older girl with regards to the boobies thing. Its maybe some kind of playground meme as I've heard this other girl in her class say the same thing, but unfortunately my one has taken it and run with it. well, at least I think this is what is happening.

oh, I'm cringing!

quite.

i would be asking mildly in a non-threatening manner where she might have picked up 'sausage eating' and booby sucking as sexual activities. even 7 sounds a little young tbh, whereas hand snogging is par for the course if the 7yo has older siblings etc. the other instances are more concerning.

the rest of it is entirely without concern. 5yos get giddy about stuff. you do need to know where she has picked this up from though. as far as i know nanny mcphee doesn't partake.

if it turns out to be equally young children, i would tread very carefully, as it is not unknown for sexual abuse to feature somewhere in the picture.

not necessarily, but you need to be a little bit careful.

Another thought following on from asking who says 'sausage eating'? etc. Maybe raise the subject with her teacher? They'd probably like to be alerted if there's any inappropriate sex talk going on in the playground in the same way as they like to know if children are coming home using swear words

i thought about that too, cogito. they are v young to be referring to quite such explicit acts without something a little unusual going on... the teacher might already be aware that there is silliness but not quite aware enough of what exactly is being discussed and so still going for the 'ignore' route...

At DS's primary, when they hit Y6 and had a few weeks of sex ed, the teacher leading the sessions told the children that they should under no circumstances discuss what they learned with younger children. If anyone was found breaching this rule there would be 'dire consequences'. And that was for fairly biological stuff.

So I think the school would like to know what's happening and the OP should not be embarrassed to go to them with her concerns.

Make up can't make anyone sexual.

I think its the playground.

My 8 year old DS told me to "suck your gran" yesterday. I don't speak like that at home. so its not from me.

I replied on the other thread... I have to say I would want to know where your little one heard this stuff from... Why'd the other thread get pulled?

mindboggler, have you NCed or have you just joined MN to discuss this particular issue?

Hi. I named changed as its clearly a sensitive issue. Sorry about the thread title, I was being stupidly flippant.

Well, that other thread was deleted, as was my other log on. I have no idea why. It seems like a massive over reaction on the part of mumsnet HQ.

I've emailed them to ask for an explanation, and to tell them that this is clearly an upsetting issues, and while one thread went rogue, or rather some people on it did, I wanted to take part in this thread with my same user name. I've heard nothing back. It's an annoying additional level of stress.

Thanks to all of you on this thread, your measured and thoughtful replies do you credit.

I am planning to have a calm and relaxed talk to her tomorrow, I will let you know how I get on, and in the meantime any thoughtful advice will be warmly welcomed.

Apologies for my thread title again, it came from a joke made by one of the other mums when her son was going on about boobs and willies. I didn't think it through, and also because of the other kids doing this I'm more inclined to think this silliness rather than sinister.

What happened on the other thread? I did reply on it and then the thread was gone...

I can see why you're worried, I think you need to get to the bottom of where your little ones heard these things from.

I have no idea, it just vanished and no one told me why...

Hello Stunnedagain
Sorry, our inbox is rather full atm - you should have mail quite soon
Thanks MNHQ

MNHQ please send to the email address I requested, thanks

Thanks for responding, Stunnedagain- your original thread was similar in tone to some trolls who occasionally post here looking to get other posters to relay stories about their DC and sexual behaviour. I'm sure you can guess why.

I'm sure you can appreciate that it's a minefield, and I for one always err on the side of caution and report if I think there's something iffy about a thread.

quite.

no-one is going to share similar experiences though op, just recommend you talk in a non threatening manner to your dc to find out where it is originating, and then discuss with school as appropriate.

i would add that your utterly random comment about make up probably added to the suspicions about trollery.

I have an 8 year old dd who knows far too much things from the playground and age appropriate info I have given her but she would have no idea about kissing boobies etc. so that in itself coming from a 7 year old makes me a bit but not overtly worried about abuse as I know a 7 year old that probably does know all that kind of thing not because of abuse but because she gets to listen to far too many adult conversations.

I also have a 5 year old boy and my close friend and neighbour has a 5 year old girl in the same class as my ds1. They are both totally obsessed with bums and boobies. My friend and I often comment on the head going straight onto boobs like a pillow when snuggling or the jumping up and going oops I poked your boobie. And everytime we bend down to the washing machine it's not our dh's jack russeling us we have to worry about it's a 5 year old giving us a smack.
I think this must be the age where they are totally aware of the differences in boys and girls bodies and I do think a little obsession with them starts here so I think that kind of behaviour is totally normal.

what tethers said. I reported the other thread. We have had some vile perverts odd sorts on here lately and you seemed rather flippant about it when people suggested speaking to a professional. Add to that your choice of title....

I hope you get this sorted out, you get to speak to a professional and your DD is ok.

For me that wasn't an utterly random comment. I was wondering what culpability I had, and letting her wear make up for dressing up, and watching films with boyfriends and girlfriends was of real concern.

I can believe there are odd posts round this, but I think people's surprise at the other thread being pulled gives me comfort I wasn't being salacious.

Also, I deliberately registered with a real life and traceable email address, a work one, so even if the thread was pulled deleting the entire account without contact seems hysterical. In fact the several posts on the other thread had that air of hysteria.

I can see my post title added to this salemmy feeling, but it's interesting this thread has been much calmer. It shows how easily things can be derailed.

Anyway, enough of all this, I just want to be able to discuss this calmly and without rancour. Thanks again to those who have helped.