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Parenting

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Original poster

thinking of leaving 9mo for 5 days to go abroad?? not sure...

41 replies

titferbrains · 11/02/2012 22:43

Big bday for my DM this yr and she is going abroad for 5 days, and she would like me to be with her (and her group of friends). She won't be hurt if I don't go, just sad. I would really like to go but as DS is only only 22 weeks now, I have no idea how he will be when I go, or how I will feel!! Need to book the tickets for travel etc or else it will be quite expensive. Am mixed feeding but supply is dropping off now so unlikely to still be bfing at that stage, and if I am still bfing I expect it will be for comfort more than actual feeds. DH has said he can take time off to look after kids.

Anyone else left their baby for this long at 9mo? How was it for you/baby?

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gothicmama · 11/02/2012 23:00

Developmental this is a time when separation anxiety happens for babies, I would either take baby with me or not go I'm sure your mum will understand and have a good time with her friends perhaps you could go to a spa or something with her before or after

nappymaestro · 11/02/2012 23:09

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Original poster

titferbrains · 11/02/2012 23:14

Did you both have babies that went thru sep anxiety? Don't remember dd having it but obv don't know what ds will be like.

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nappymaestro · 11/02/2012 23:42

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BertieBotts · 11/02/2012 23:46

I wouldn't at 9 months, no. I think it's too long at that age, and I would struggle/imagine baby struggling and not want to go.

Would it be prohibitively expensive for DH & kids to come too? You could still go on day trips etc with them, then, but be around for baby too.

I know that one of my friends went on holiday with family when her DS was just under a year, 10 or 11 months I think, without her DH and he was really unsettled and just kept asking for "Dada" all the time. And her DH wasn't even that involved in the early days, so for the primary carer I think it would be worse.

rubyrubyruby · 11/02/2012 23:51

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 11/02/2012 23:53

You would be leaving your baby with his Dad, he will be fine :)

Go and enjoy your Mum's special birthday - he wont remember you went, she will x

ConstantlyFrazzled · 11/02/2012 23:56

My 3rd child is currently 9 months and there is no way either of us would be happy with a 5 day seperation. I also know my older two would struggle with it too.

I recently went on a spa day with friends and DH looked after dc3 all day - she was absolutely fine, but I couldn't wait to see her at the end of the day and I would absolutely hate to be away from her any longer.

rubyrubyruby · 11/02/2012 23:59

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GlaikitFizzog · 12/02/2012 00:02

DS is 9mo and has the opposite of sep anx (sorry can't spell it) he will go to anyoen and everyone and is quite happy as long as he has his toy. But I would find it hard to leave him for 5 days with DH. More for myself than DS as he goes to a CM 2 days a week and DH has him for a half day alone too.

I suppose it's a personal thing, only you will know how you will feel. Can you maybe go for a shorter time?

NotYetEverything · 12/02/2012 00:08

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thenightsky · 12/02/2012 00:11

As a mother of teens, I'd say go.... your DS won't have any memory of it.

To support this, I've spent the last 2 or 3 weekends downloading family holiday pics to Flickr. DS, who is 19, has been looking at them all. One set is from a traumatic time when he had serious injury abroad, was forcibly separated from me for treatment etc. I took loads of photos from his view of the world at that time... he cannot remember any of it. He was 3 years old at the time.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 12/02/2012 00:14

I feel very heartless so, I would have gone no bothers. I would have missed my DC of course and rang everyday to check, but he has a father who is well capable and an equal parent. I think seperation anxiety only exists on the part of the parent at that age, I dont think a 9 month old will miss you to be honest..

matana · 12/02/2012 15:34

Can honestly say that the thought of leaving my DS for 5 days fills me with dread, even at 14 months. I've left him overnight twice and for the occasional evening/ day when i go out but at the moment couldn't contemplate leaving him for longer than that. I'd miss him too much. Everyone is different of course, so if you feel up to it i'm sure your DS will be absolutely fine with his dad. I think i probably would have gone, but taken DS with me.

QuinnFabray · 12/02/2012 15:40

We left our first baby for a week with MIL, when he was 9 months old, which with hindsight I wouldn't do again, and would never have thought about doing with our subsequent kids. But leaving baby for a few days with it's Father. Yes, I would. The kids are equally bonded to their dad as they are to me. I would miss them more than they would miss me. Different, if it was anyone else, but with their dad? No problem.

nappymaestro · 12/02/2012 15:49

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Dutchie77 · 12/02/2012 18:48

Just go. DS will be fine. This way he will learn that mum has a life as well and that staying with only dad is fine too. And when you had a very very nice time, you will be a happier mum (if you weren't already).

emski1972 · 12/02/2012 18:57

GO! Book Flights today! I went to Barcelona for 3 nights when DD was 6 months. Her Dad is a very capable man and they had a lovely time.. I never regretted it for a minute....A few years a friend left her 1 year old for 5 days with her Dad while we went ski-ing as did our other friend whose kids are older. We have vowed to do this together every year (pregnancies and cash permitting). Its good for all involved. Oh and my brother and both sisters packed the kids off to the grandparents for a week or two every summer hols and they did that until they all became teenagers...

Blu · 12/02/2012 18:59

At that age I would have taken ds with me.
I occasionally left him for one night, (and that was bad enough) but not 5.

gastonscave · 12/02/2012 19:04

Go and enjoy yourself.

I left DS2 when he was six months as my DH sent me to NY for my 30th. Ds is a very happy well adjusted 8yr old. No separation anxiety here

Newtothisstuff · 12/02/2012 19:18

Just go !!! Dc will have a great time with your dh.. Who wants a clingy child...

MrsDobalina · 12/02/2012 19:19

I'm in the go camp. I left DS when he was about 11mo I think with his dad for a couple of days for work. He was fine, I missed him terribly but I know DS didn't suffer at all (and apparently didn't even notice that I was gone!). DH and I shared childcare anyway and it wasn't even an issue. As many people have said, if you left him with anyone else, maybe not, but with his dad - totally fine

missmapp · 12/02/2012 19:22

I went back to work when ds was 9months and everyone said it was terrible timing due to separation anxiety, but he was fine. If ds is left with his father, he will be fine. I'm sure you will miss him, but he will be fine and you may well need a break by then!!

mosschops30 · 12/02/2012 19:23

God yes go. Me and dh have just come back from our 'grown up' holiday, we also went last year. They stay with the ILs or my mum and aunty. Ds2 was only 1 when we went last year.
TBH i think it was harder on our 7 year old, dont think ds2 even noticed, hes still totally happy and in his routine so no problems caused by us being away

zinfandel · 12/02/2012 19:27

I travelled to the US with DH for 5 days when DD was 9 months old (as it was a rare opportunity for us). DD stayed with my parents, was spoilt rotten and was absolutely fine when we got back. I called home every day and worried more than I needed to while we were there but looking back I'm really glad I went.

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